I'm a disengaged SM. I leave all things related to DH's child to DH, with the lone exceptions of my pets and some household issues that crop up. But 95% of the time, I leave it to DH.

Except this last weekend. DH's kid has a good friend, and the friend's BioDad is taking the family to Mexico in a few weeks. BioDad said his daughter can bring a friend. So DH's kid is going to Mexico. It will be happening during one of DH's two week stints, however he didn't want to deny her a fun trip.

Anyway.....that's not the issue. The problem is the week she's in Mexico would have been the week DH would have taken her school clothes shopping. He was telling me at lunch the other day, that he'll just give her the money and have Uberskank take her shopping. He said "I know that Uberskank will probably find a way to take the money from the kid, but the kid is old enough to deal with Uberskank and make it clear it's her money."

:jawdrop:

I fought to keep my mouth shut. I changed the subject. I kept eating lunch. But I just couldn't fight it any longer. I gave DH a look and said "DH.....you expect your 15 year old daughter to stand up to Uberskank and tell her no? Really? Because I know three grown men (DH and the other two bio-dads) who, in the last five years, have been unable to stand up to Uberskank. How can you expect a teenager to do what three grown men can't seem to accomplish?"

DH looked at me and said, I stand up to Uberskank. I don't put up with her crap. Correction DH...you don't speak to Uberskank and you just go along for the ride. For instance......Uberskank makes your kid take a 1.5 hour bus ride from her home to a city 30 minutes from our home, because she's too lazy to drive all the way to our house. However we not only make the 60 minute round-trip drive to pick her up at the bus station (as well buy dinner or we'd be eating at 9pm), we also drive her all of the way back home (a little over an hour away from us). That is not standing up to Uberskank, that is putting up with Uberskank so you can fly under her Harpy Radar.

He continued to say that it's his kid's responsibility to learn to deal with her mother. That he'll give her the money and if she allows her mother to take it, then it's not his problem.

Yes DH it IS your problem. You are you are potentially setting up your kid for a confrontation with her mother over MONEY. How can you do that to her? Plus....you know she won't win the confrontation, and you'll end up having to replace the money after the fact. Be smart about this!

I suggested he call and talk to his kid about what she wanted to do. He can take her shopping the weekend before she leaves, the day after she gets back or the weekend after school starts.

He liked my suggestion and is going to call her and give her these options. He thanked me for stepping in and setting him straight. And even apologized for being stubborn about the Uberskank subject again.

Even though I disengaged, I still have a sense of fairness. And DH was NOT being fair to his kid. In fact, I felt like he was behaving like a stubborn jerk to his kid. And I figured out why. Because it was another one of his attempts to "show" his kid what Uberskank is really like. So he could prove a point to his kid.

And once again I had to talk him out of it because he was punishing his kid to get back at Uberskank. Makes me want to ask DH "So DH.....For Halloween, do you want to be the pot or the kettle?"