My BF's ex (crazy) does not want me doing anything with or for her children (and has done so much to take days away from us and screw us over on countless occasions), our basic stance to this: my BF will tell her calmly when she slams me that he and I are together, he acknowledges that she upset that her children interact with me, however, we work together to build a family system that allows our children to grow and love others (being jealous and bitter will not foster this). Unfortunately, she continues to use the girls to manipulate our household and manipulate the girls - I'm sorry for the girls, because they will someday see the jealous, bitter, manipulative behavior of their mother - - and BM will "hang herself" in terms of having a healthy relationship with them. I tried to disengage from the girls and BM a long time ago in our relationship because I thought it would be easier on everyone, that made me and my BF very upset, and I didn't want to spend my life on the "outside" of a family inside of my family (if that makes sense). I came to the conclusion that the girls love me, they want to do things with me, they want to be with us, all of our children love each other, the right thing for me to do is treat them like I treat my own children, they are my family too. BM has to deal with her own understandable feelings - inappropriate responses however she will.

We made the choice that our children will not experience such complex adult feelings stemming from situations they could not possibly understand developmentally, nor should they be burdened to see, feel, or learn.

That is EXACTLY my reason for being here, I can understand BM's crazy ass, but I don't feel it and certainly don't practice that behavior with my kids, ex, and his SO. Her crazy, self-serving shit puts our relationship and the blending we have done in our family at risk...when she cuts my BF off of coaching soccer because she doesn't want me to be involved, writes mean things about me to him...accusing me of deleting her from his FB?!?! How would that benefit me AT ALL BTW??? I am a social worker in community mental health, I see a lot, but this type of crazy has been making me feel like I'm going crazy. There is something wrong when I'm wondering if I am a bad person, or really do the things she accuses me of without knowing I am doing it. I have also been completely terrified that because he has children with her...what if he believes her at some point, or she cuts him out of so much of the girl's lives because of me that he grows resentful of me and ends us? He says it wont happen, but years of this BM BS....how will that work out?