Quick update and BM ridiculousness
Nothing much going on in my world.
Kids are doing well, all 4 of them. Nothing special - same old same old...
I recently started a new job - promotion, raise, longer house... different crap to deal with...boring AF.
BM will apparently be "graduating" next month - which means she will no longer be getting free money for living expenses.
Meaning she will no longer have daycare paid for.
Meaning I fully expect her to stick her hand out to DH for him to pay for a portion, if not all, of daycare.
I'm against this - because if she doesn't work, why the hell should ss be in daycare?
And... during the summer... my kids will be watching ss when he's with us. They will NOT be watching him when he's supposed to be with her, unless she pays them. DH is with me on this one. And no, DH will NOT be paying half the cost of that.
I had a long talk with DH about expectations going forward, now that BM no longer receives free money... he is not to pay for ANYTHING for her. He will ONLY be giving her the agreed upon amount of CS, she can deal with the rest - and if she loses her sh!thole living quarters, so be it, DH won't be helping out. She can claim it's for SS all she wants, DH will NOT be bailing her out - if she's that hard up, ss will be with us full time. Simple.
BM started dating someone a little while ago - and she still only has ss 2 days a week, and every second Friday. Easy to work on a relationship when you either have 2 or 3 free evenings a week on top of all weekends... right?
DH started to force BM to take ss alternate weekends - and now ss reports that mom and bf are fighting because bf says ss is around too much.
While I no longer thing ss is a handful, I can understand why the bf would say that - ss doesn't respect his mom, doesn't listen, etc.... she's been asking DH to talk to ss more about listening to her... and dh will superficially talk to ss, but he says it's up to HER to parent him on her time.
Guess all isn't well in fantasy land, bf is seeing how things really are... and I'm finally enjoying every second weekend to spend uninterrupted time with my husband. It's been GREAT for me... guess it hasn't been so great for her. I've got a tiny violin I can play....
Especially that DH received a text this morning from BM informing him that she's going away for the long weekend in September to try to re-connect with her BF.
1) really? it's only been like... 2 months? and you're planning a weekend re-connecting trip over 3 months from now?? ummm...ok.
2) DH texted her to let him know who she was going to leave ss with when she figures it out... she texted back about how he'll need to take ss because she won't be able to.... DH replied that he was taking his wife away for the weekend to celebrate the 1 year wedding anniversary, so no can do. She sent like 3 back to back messages essentially saying he needs to because her relationship is going down the shitter and she needs this badly.... he shut her down with "Not my problem" and didn't reply to anything else.
3) We don't actually have plans to go anywhere, so it amused me.
OTHER than that, however, BM has been keeping a low profile and hasn't been bothering us - pretty much the only time DH and BM actually have to be face to face is Saturday mornings when she either drops ss off or DH picks ss up.
DH and I had a LONG harsh talk about how he needs to step up a little bit more in terms of caring for ss - he's an active dad, but I still did the lion's share of "child rearing" - dh now spends more time with ss doing the things I was doing, like coloring, reading, playing with blocks... instead of him watching tv while I entertain ss while making dinner... lol... ilke, duh, dude... I told him one day that it was MY turn to go sit out in the garage for 20 minutes and then lounge around while HE took care of dinner and ss... He got the message.
- secret's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
If she is graduating, I
If she is graduating, I assume she will be finding a job in her new field. Daycare is always an added expense here above CS because it is only needed for half the kid's childhood. Your DH SHOULD help pay for daycare if the child needs it. He's had taxpayers making his obligations so far.
While I don't disagree that
While I don't disagree that he SHOULD help pay for daycare if the child needs it, the child doesn't actually need it... even if she ends up getting a job (which I suspect may take a while), between DH & me and my kids, there is no time ss would be unsupervised. Worse case, she can pick up ss from our place on her days, after work.... but she'd probably get her mother to pick him up and keep him overnight instead of actually taking care of ss, which is her MO. If she chooses to force an expense for childcare, it's not in the paperwork, and dh isn't required to pay, as he has provided cost-free alternatives.
And no, taxpayers haven't been making his obligations - she took out student loans to cover her living expenses... which SHE will have to pay back. She gets the full daycare amount paid for whether she has 50% or not... those loans are not dh's responsibility to pay back, they're hers, regardless of what they were for. Because the student loans provided a childcare amount in addition to amounts for other things, she cannot claim child care expenses on her taxes. (A portion of the loans are actually grants, so she only has to pay back approximately half... so it works out.)
She also receives a couple hundred a month from the government as mother's allowance (called child tax benefit), and she receives child support. DH is entitled to 50% of the Child Tax benefit, which she never allowed him to claim... and he was entitled to claim the child as a dependant, which she claimed instead... she made out with, all in all over the years, approximately 4k a year for the last 4 years... she's received 16k + approximately 15k (approximately 31k total over 4 years) in parental benefits, of which DH was entitled to half... so as far as DH is concerned, she's basically "stolen" approximately 15.5K of HIS entitlements....
Entitlements she would have received regardless... it has nothing to do with child support. EVERY parent is entitled to receive those two things.
So no, taxpayers have not been paying DH's obligations, he has paid them, and an additional 15.5K to boot.
she can suck it.
He will laugh in her face for
He will laugh in her face for sure.
I'm not sure if she'll actually try to get a job or not, she's been on social assistance for so long. She never really had a job before... she tried doing daycare when ss was born, that lasted all of a few months before she couldn't take it anymore and didn't do anything. She thought DH was going to support her, she thought she'd trapped herself a good one... oops... didn't see being booted out coming, I guess.
She was going to school for Vet Tech - it's a 2 year full time program, which she dragged out for much much longer by taking it part-time, not that she had anything else going on.
There are no jobs for vet techs here - not with no experience, and certainly not for someone with zero social skills.
I suspect she will try to stay on welfare - because as soon as she works, she will have to start paying back her student loans.
Not my problem.
I'm SO glad I pushed DH to add into their paperwork, that CS is not to be reviewed until ss is 12, regardless of personal hardships.... so whether dh loses his job or not, he pays - and if bm can't afford anything, too bad...
If she wants to have ss on DH's days, she can, but she won't be paid for it either.... which I can totally see her asking for. LOL
How is that clause even
How is that clause even possible? No judge would sign off on that here. And you won't be so giddy if/when he loses a job. SMH
Canada's great for things
Canada's great for things like having the available option not to have to empty out your wallet for an ex's living expenses.
Generally, as long as both parents agree/sign, the judge will sign off on it.
If he loses a job, it's no skin off my back, we'd still be very comfortable without his income.
BM should recognize that you
BM should recognize that you are the superior mother figure and leave SS with you and your DH permanently.
Ic an't tell whether this was
Ic an't tell whether this was sarcastic or not.... but that's what DH said, funnily enough... and ss calls me mom... calls his actual mom his "other mom"... like to the teacher... about me... that's my mom.... my other mom doesn't come get me a lot...
Virtual High-5 to you & DH!
Love your post, and I hereby submit my nomination for your DH as Most Excellent DH of the week, maybe the whole MONTH! Love hearing about relationships thriving when the bio-parent refuses to step foot inside the Drama Ring (like a UFC fighting ring), staying sane, detached, and non-enabling of pathetic manipulations & pity-parties.
The nasty BM in our scene once asked DH, immediately after one of her lost court battles over CS, how she was supposed to make it without someone helping her financially [implied: not fair you have StepUltimate helping raise my son who I abused & neglected so I should still get your $$$$)? DH laughed at her cheating, lying, hypocritical, NPD-having self even thinking she could roll him like that. We laughed about that forEVER it was so pathetic. "Play stupid games, win stupid surprises," right BM?
Hahaha, and HAPPY FRIDAY to all my StepPeeps on this awesome website! Very grateful for you all.
Well, it seems BM has found a
Well, it seems BM has found a job. She's apparently working as a cashier in some store.
Conveniently, she works Mondays and Wednesdays, 4pm to 10pm.
Those are her days to have ss.
Info courtesy of bm's mother, who picks up ss from school on those days, when she took it upon herself to pick up ss from school today, on DH's day, too. I wish DH would just tell her not to. I told him he sees the ex's mother more often than he sees MY mother, and she lives down the street... that's not right! lol