Why is this happening now
DH and I have been married for 9 years together for 13. BM has always tried to undermine the both of us. Telling kids that I am not thier mother and that they don't have to listen to me. That they don't need structure. They don't need to help out around the house. And to top it all off she told them that she hates me and just tolerates me. She has constantly over the years said these things and acts as though just because she gave birth to them that no one else can help her raise them except for DH. Even then she basically says it is her way or the highway. I have tried and tried to be civil with her but she always has to be rude and contradictive. Like " I always have to listen to my kids b*itch about you" Instead of being the good mom and trying to help them with the trasition she always would feed into it, validate thier complaints. Then all of a sudden Sd who was 7 at the time decided that everytime she would come to our house she would say I want daddy to come home and live with mommy. This was a constant battle with her for about 6 months, alos this was after we had our own child together a boy. Finally I told DH to talk to her because it was really bothering me, he did and it didn't work. He called BM and she said oh she hasn't been saying that here I will take care of it. Yah o.k. now SD is 15 and has decided that she isn't coming to our house anymore and BM sayds she isn't condoning it but she isn't helping either. SD gets to do whatever she wants and doesn't have to do anything at her moms so she wants to stay there. Why is this happening now after Dh and I have been together so long??????
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Who knows??
It sounds like it has always been hard!! She sounds like our BM in the way that she doesn't help when they are with her. I think as a good mother you would want to, as you say, help your kids through the transition with as little effect on them as possible. But with most that is not to be. As for why is it happening after so long, I would say it isn't about how long you have been there, it is more about the age she is at now. 15 can be hard all round, and I may be wrong, but as she is getting more mature, BM may be able to get to her more with girly conversation, like explaining things to her more from a womans point of view or even guilt trips.
But ultimately, sit back and let her do her thing, try not to stress over her not coming, she'll be back when she's ready.Just my thoughts. Good luck. Teenagers!!! Hurumph!!
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
why is this happening now
WEll the only trouble is that dh thinks that bm is going to take him to court over sd not wanting to come anymore. Then he will have completely lost her. All's we ever hear about how she doesn't want to do this and doesn't have to.
Not necessarily
Most courts don't change a parenting plan simply because a child does not want to see their parent anymore. Most courts require a parent to send a child even if they don't want to go. If she doesn't send SD then techincally BM is in contempt of court. You could consider that route.
I'd also get SD into some counesling .. what BM does is called Parental Alienation ... it is a serious thing that can dammage a child. If you Google it you'll get some good information.
Good luck ...
~ Katrina
well......
SD is in therapy and the therapist says that we should validate her angry feelings. Also my husband called an attorney and he said that it could go either way. Also the therapist says if she wants to come over a couple of times a week to visit younger siblings, children that DH and I have together that that is a start, the attorney agrees that anytime is better than no time. I don't know how the state of NH works on this issue, I have tried to look it up.