Im the crazy one?
Ok...Here is story...
My bf and I have been together for almost 4 years now. We live together with my thre kids and his one daughter. Shes 16. He also has teo more children that live BM. Ever since sd has moved in things have been off. Her and I used to be the best of friends and now...well, did i mention shes 16? lol
Ok, so over the past few months I have trying to disengage and them be, trying to find my place in this whole mess. One day my opinion is wanted the next Im not even consulted. They text questions and answers, none of which are shared with me. Its normally stupid little thing like can her bf come over.
So anyways, yesterday his support on kids got lowered (hes out of work) and BM is super mad. I tried to say hi to the kids and she rolls up the window so we cant even say hi. SD gets in car and they all drive off. Now, this is NOT SD's BM, this his her Ex-Stepmom. Who believes she should have all of the same rights as a BM over SD, ....this woman has more rights to SD thaan I do, Im nothing but dads girlfriend after all.
He sees absolutely no problem with me being completerly in the dark about his kids and SD keeping me there. like I said, I can be right here in same room with her and if she wants something she will text her dad to ask.
So I try to talk to bf about BM's behavior and tell him he needs to stand up to her and put her in her place as NOTHING to SD, and make it clear that it is "being nice" to allow their relationship to continue. He wont, of course!!
Then today, SD is hanging out with a bunch of kids, they all walk uptown, and SD and her BF take off, so the others all come home. Hes not even concerned about why, and of course nothing is said or done about it.
hes wondering why Im upset so I tell him, I dont know what he wants from me...either I have an opinion or not. He dont care what i think if BF is coming over all the time for hours on end, but then asks if I care if her friend stays the night. We are already going to have 7 kids here so whats one more...I dont care. I blow up over everything, all the texting to keep me out of it, how she has no questions about leaving the group, about I fell like Im not part of "their little family", unless its taking one or more out shopping. He tells me I sound like Im nuts...am I? Maybe I am, I dont know anymore I feel like Im starting to lose my freaken mind, and Im not sure what to do, how to feel or how to behave anymore, so I sit in my room.
PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!
Im not sure if he finally got it or not...but i guess we'll see what tomorrow brings. Now we have all 6 of the kids until Friday....God help me!!
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Comments
The problem is your BF. If he
The problem is your BF. If he doesn't change how he's acting with SD, nothing is going to change. You have to decide whether you're going to put up with it and stay, or pack your stuff and leave... IMHO.
IMHO? And I know hes part of
IMHO? And I know hes part of the problem, but how do I get him to realize this? do I sound selfish?
IMHO = in my humble opinion I
IMHO = in my humble opinion
I think the biggest misconception is that you think you CAN get him to realize what he is doing is wrong. From what you describe, he is totally closed to even talking about it, let alone recognizing there is a problem with his actions. It is very disrespectful to you, what he is doing with SD.
You don't have the power to change a person, or make them believe differenty. They have to do that on their own. Sometimes it takes a little push.. like, say if you packed up and left. At that point, he may see the error of his ways and change. Most likely though, that is not what will happen.
Im hoping it wont get to that
Im hoping it wont get to that point...Maybe im over stepping? I told him I feel like an outsider in my own home, I dont want to leave I just want to feel like the other parent in the house and be treated like one.
Going through something
Going through something similar and I've been staying in my car. I did a ridiculous workout today though so I'm going to sleep on the couch. SD4 leaves tomorrow and let me tell you, I'm thrilled. I would LOVE to just leave him to it but I'm not working and don't have enough saved for my own place. And to make matters worse, we're getting a new puppy tomorrow so I HAVE to say here until I get a place because well, I can't keep a puppy in my car. Nothing I say gets through to him and he had the nerve to call me mental and say that I'm selfish for acting like I sacrificed so much. Um, HELLO!!?!? Gave up my place, give up my free time to be a "family" with him and lost a child. So yeah, I gave up a lot and now I'm being disrespected in my own home. I don't want her near my puppy, as mean as that sounds. I've contemplated sending him excerpts of the book "Stepmonster" but I know he won't read it.
I did enjoy the fact that he was over two hours late for work today and I wasn't around for him to ask me to take her to daycare. }:)