Hi, I've been lurking on here for a few weeks and decided to post something about my stepfamily situation. I'm from the UK and it's great to find a site where people don't judge or criticise step parents for saying what they really think - no "well you knew what you were getting into".... "it's not their fault, you're an adult but they're only a child".... "children always come first no matter what" etc, etc. Being a step parent is a hard and thankless task, we're often made to play second fiddle to someone else's kids and their horrible BM's, but if we dare say how much we dislike/resent these kids and/or their BM, we're regarded as being nasty, selfish people who should be ashamed because children's wants and needs are sacred, regardless of other people's feelings and whether the kids are complete brats.

I've been with DH for 4 years, married for 18 months. I have an 18 year old daughter from my previous marriage, who has now left home and lives in her own place nearby. My DH has 3 boys aged 7, 8 and 14 and unfortunately for me, we have full custody of them as their mother is a waste of space and unfit to look after them full time. She does manage to have them every other weekend and at least half the school holidays, and I live for the times they're away and we have some couple time, and I hate it when it's time for them to come home. Don't get me wrong, I do care about them and I can see good, positive things in all of them, but I will never love them like I love my own daughter. They all have horrible habits and behaviour which reminds me of their lazy, foul-mouthed, selfish pig of a mother and it annoys me no end. My DH is quite good on discipline and doesn't take any crap, but sometimes I think he's oblivious to things which are so obvious to me, ie constant attention seeking, manipulation and clinginess. I decided a long time ago that I was going to make him responsible for discipline and cleaning up their mess - they're not my kids and I don't take any responsibility for them, though I do tell him when I think there's a problem and he knows I expect him to deal with it.

The oldest, aged 14, is a bully and a control freak. He bullies his younger brothers all the time, interferes with their games and is always telling them what to do. This makes them whine and cry, which is very irritating. My DH sometimes notices and puts a stop to it, but often continues to watch TV/use his laptop while it's going on at the other side of the room. I've told him he needs to take more notice, which he does for about 2 days and then goes back to being oblivious. SS14 is also very loud, messy and selfish, eats like a pig and often destroys or loses his possessions. DH, like an idiot, used to go out and replace school things straight away, but has finally realised that if the boy gets disciplined at school for not having the right equipment etc, it makes him learn how to look after things better. He's also stolen from us in the past and has been caught lying many times. He has shown signs of growing up lately, and I really hope he does or he will end up in trouble with the police one day and he will no longer be welcome under my roof if that happens.

SS8 is obsessed with food and is the greediest child I've ever known. My DH and I are both on the large side and have big appetites, but this kid can eat as much as me and he's only 8! I know SS14 eats like a pig, but I know from my friends who have sons that it's normal for teenage boys to eat loads so I can cope with that, but there's no excuse for an 8 year old to eat more than his teenage brother. SS8 can come in from school and snack constantly till dinner time, eat all his dinner and a dessert, and then snack more till bed time before wanting supper. At least his snacks are things like fruit, yoghurts and toast and not sweets, but he's obsessed with junk food and given the chance he would eat it from breakfast till bed time and loves going to stay with his mother because she feeds him crap and sweets all day. His teeth are rotten from all the sugar she feeds him, and although he's not overweight now he will be if he continues to overeat like this. I can tell exactly when he's after food, as he sidles up to DH with a sour expression on his face, hangs around for a couple of minutes before whining "daaaaaaad, can I have.....". Again DH seems oblivious to this and when I've tried to point out to him that this greedy kid is maniuplating him and eating far to much, he seems to think that because SS8 is growing and is not overweight, it's not a problem. Grrrr!

SS7 is the most irriating kid of all. Anyone would think he was 3, as he seems incapable of leaving DH alone. He's a constant attention seeker, always whining, always climbing all over dad and wanting to sit on his knee or hold his hand wherever we go. It's embarrassing and I hate going anywhere with him or having visitors to our house as he just curls up on dad and buries his face like a toddler. He might be shy but at 7 years old this ridiculous baby behaviour has to stop and it's a constant source of irritation that DH doesn't seem to be doing much to get the kid to grow up and act his age. It's always "daaaaaaad, come and look at this, daaaaaad, come and do this with me....". I know all kids need to have some attention and affection but this kid would surgically attach himself to dad if he could and stay there forever. My DH agrees it's not normal 7 year old behaviour but then carries on letting the kid use him as a climbing frame - we go to the park and the older two are running around playing with the dogs and having a great time, and this 7 year old baby is clinging onto dad's hand for dear life instead of doing what normal 7 year olds should be doing, it's pathetic!!

It feels like their annoying behaviour is bringing their mother into my house, and there's no place for her. I love my DH dearly, and the sacrifice to be with the love of my life had to be living with his kids. I can't bear the thought of him having sex with her to create them - the oldest was a mistake and he only stayed with her for the child's sake as she threatened to take his son away and never let him see him again (and she would have been spiteful enough to do it). I can understand that - I was unhappy with my ex and only stayed for my daughter's sake, but I was damn careful never to have any more kids with him, and I still cannot understand why DH was stupid enough to make not just one, but two more mistakes when he should have kept it in his pants if she was as repulsive as he claims. I cannot help resent the kids because we can't have a social life because we're stuck with them (can't trust SS14 as he'd bully them, and babysitters are out because of mr clingy limpet SS7). The light at the end of the tunnel is that DH said that when the younger two are a bit older, he will think about letting them go and live with their mother. I know she'd be delighted to have them and certainly SS8 would be over the moon - he'd get to eat junk and watch crap TV all day, so till then I have the kid-free weekends and holidays to look forward to, and the hope that they'll grow up and become less demanding as they get older.