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"Give Sammmx a hug goodnight", "Eww no I don't want to."

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Submitted by sammmx on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 8:37pm

Going to try posting this in the comment section since it hasn't been working...

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Submitted by sammmx on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 8:38pm

Ugh. The part that hurts the most is that I've actually been trying really hard lately to be a good friend to the boys. Listening to their stories, playing with them, suggesting fun activities for the weekend. And as a result I get treated worse than what I did when I simply co-existed. I just can't win. No matter what I do. It's so heartbreaking. I just feel like crying. I'm so broken. BF continued to try and encourage SS3 to give me a hug, but he kept saying no so I just said goodnight to him and left the bedroom. It's almost embarrassing or something. Rejection hurts, even if it is only from a 3 year old.

I went and stayed with my folks up north for a week and did a lot of reflecting and self-examination. I came back here with a brighter, more positive outlook. And the first weekend back the SKids just break me back down to right where I was before. If not worse. Probably worse, because at home I was surrounded by friends and family who love me and actually care about me and what I have to say, my thoughts, feelings and emotions. Here I am nothing. I don't even know why I can back.. Ugh. Cray 2

queenofthedamned's picture

Submitted by queenofthedamned on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 8:53pm

I'm sorry girl. Rejection DOES hurt, even from a young child. My FDH will occasionally try to get the skids to hug me or whatnot, and it's just awkward for everyone. But it hurts to know that I do what I do for them every day, and they don't choose to be affectionate towards me on their own. I don't want it if it's forced, kwim?

JEEMudder's picture

Submitted by JEEMudder on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 9:12pm

I wrote a blog about this... My sd6 was very affectionate at one point then suddenly stopped wanting me to touch her at all. It was completely out of the blue and random, but I respected her need to not be hugged or kissed at bedtime and continue on with my life.

The rejection definitely takes the wind out of my sails though. It is very painful to love and raise a child in your home among your own children and have them treat you like a stranger.

All you can do is keep your head up and don't let it show that you are bothered in front of the child.

One thing I did find with my step daughter that makes it a bit better for us both is this. She did not want a kiss on the cheek because she told me that only her mom and dad are allowed to kiss her on the cheek, so I invented our own way to say "I love you". She likes it because it is like our own secret handshake. Instead of a kiss or hug we press our thumbs together at night and say goodnight.

What is a kiss or hug, but just a physical show of emotion right? Maybe your little guy just needs a different way to express how he feels?

sammmx's picture

Submitted by sammmx on Sat, 06/08/2013 - 10:45pm

The hardest part is that when they lived here he used to hug me, kiss me, tell me he loved me, etc all the time. And now it just comes in waves. Some weekends he's super affectionate, wants to hold my hand in the store, refuses to go into BMs house without hugging me, etc. Other weekends he acts like showing affection to me is obsurd. It's like mind games from a 3yr old! Blech.