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If you knew what you know now would you have married your spouse?

samjoe96's picture

Submitted by samjoe96 on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 3:36pm

My husband asked me the other day if I knew what I know now if I would have still married him. I immediately said no. He seemed quite offended by the answer. I explained to him how the last 12 years of my life have been pretty much like hell because of what his kids have done to me. Since we have had that conversation I keep thinking about that question and I am starting to think that all of the good memories with just the two of us are starting to be outweighed by the bad memories with his kids. I actually had a very hard time remembering a good memory, the only memories that I could think of were the bad ones. Is this normal to feel this way when you are a step parent to evil step children? Am I the only one who would have answered no to that question?

Comments

AliceP's picture

Submitted by AliceP on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 3:40pm

I just asked this same question this morning on my blog. I say yes for me but there were a couple of no's

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 3:55pm

Yep, because now I know how I could have stopped certain things from happening. SD could have been out of my life 5 years sooner.*sigh*

princessmofo's picture

Submitted by princessmofo on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 3:56pm

No. I would not have married dh. I can say that without any doubt. Given a "do-over" I would have stayed single.

Drac0's picture

Submitted by Drac0 on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 3:56pm

I would say yes. I would marry her all over again.

There are certain instances in our marriage that I would have liked to have done differently but there is nothing that would have made me rethink the whole marriage crazy-train.

Lilly Grace's picture

Submitted by Lilly Grace on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 5:51pm

I feel the exact same as you. Definitely would do a lot of things differently and like you I couldn't imagine life without him either Smile

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 9:54pm

Me three! Only change I would do, no Skids or my mother living with us. Well I didn't know what to do with my mom, not after her house went up in flames and she was left with no home. Everything else was just us being caring dumba**es.

OP, any other man..BIG FAT NOOOO!!!!

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 4:24pm

Nope. I thank God we are not married. And I wouldn't have moved in with him. It's my own fault. I had so many reservations about living with SO but I did it anyway. I was freaking out about the mice infestation in the dump I lived in. I wish I had just rented a nicer apartment, even if it meant my savings rate wouldn't be very high. My cheapness got the better of me. And didn't really save much money in the long run.

Rent is cheap with SO, but SO is an expensive guy to date. I ended up paying $850 to accompany SO on a trip to visit his friend just so I wouldn't have to stay home alone with SS. and I have to pay $75 per month to store my furniture. Not to mention SO is not a cheap date. When it was my turn to pay, he managed to put away 4 expensive import beers, like $7 each! I'm the cheap date. And I make half of what SO makes.

All this time I could have put that money towards a nice apartment that was all mine and no douche bag could tell me how to live my life.

karenemoy's picture

Submitted by karenemoy on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 4:24pm

There was a time when I would totally say yes. Things got much better once the kids got older and my DH got a back bone. Plus now that drug addict SS is out the picture things are much better. Hope he rots in jail but on the rare occasions he does reach out my DH pretty much ignores him. But I am clear if SS comes back into his life I want nothing to do with him and cannot step foot in our home.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 8:18pm

No.

Nomad's picture

Submitted by Nomad on Fri, 08/16/2013 - 4:19am

Thankfully I'm not married to SO but I did stupidly set up a company together which we are very much financially tied together with at the moment. When we first met he'd had a messy break up with his crazy ex a few years earlier and was still reeling, I guess in a way I wanted to rescue this amazing man who I very much fell in love with. Hindsight is a beautiful thing and knowing what I do now, having experienced the emotional baggage that follows behind someone with kids already like their ex and their exes family and the assumptions that you will feed and financially help support these skids. i think I would have to say hell no! Find someone who you can share the excitement of becoming new parents together would be amazing( I don't have kids but I've also had the opportunity to ever have kids taken away from me as SO defo does not want any more). Thanks BM!

emotionaly beat up's picture

Submitted by emotionaly beat up on Fri, 08/16/2013 - 5:47am

Nomad, you can't blame the BM because your so doesn't want kids. If he is still making decisions based on his life with her, id send him back to her till he resolves his issues because right now, he is he one denying you kids.

To answer the question. No. Dh was my dream come true, my soul mate. I thought nothing could dent let alone destroy my love for him. But he managed it. He allowed his daughter to treat me like dog poo on the soles of her feet. His failure to say one word to her, was encouraging her and after 8 years of soul destroying abuse I banned her from my home. I still love dh. But I'm not In Love with him.

I would never marry him again knowing he was capable of allowing that to happen to me.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Fri, 08/16/2013 - 10:41am

I definitely would have. In a heartbeat. But I never would have let myself care about SS8.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Fri, 08/16/2013 - 11:37am

DH has asked the question and I have said no, very emphatically. He has said the same thing to me....None of us knew the hell that this would be.