:jawdrop: I def feel this way . I def punish bf and feel he should make up for his past, I've just never voiced this before!!

I can relate to what you're saying as far as the ex. I have my own kids as well so it's different for me. But, I deal with a lot of crazy from BM and it makes me bitter sometimes. Bitter that he doesn't give me enough credit for dealing with what is thrown our way. I realize that he's dealing with it too but I don't *have* to. I choose to. Which maybe is part of what goes through his mind, that it's my choice to be here.

What I think it ultimately comes down to is that, as human beings, we just want to feel appreciated. When we feel under appreciated, it builds resentments. If the other person would just take the time to say "Hey, I know you do a lot around here and I want you to know how much it means to me." Bam! Those words would have the power to turn a whole week around, to make us look at our lives in a more positive light. When instead we hear all the things we're doing wrong, it goes completely in the opposite direction.

I absolutely expect more from my DH and tell him to his face regularly. If we had met with no kids, no exes, and minimal baggage our relationship would have been much different, developed different etc. I picked him for a lot of reasons but a big one was that he was a good father and my bios, who I have full time, needed a father figure. I told him from the time we started getting serious that I needed more out of him than I can give him with his kids because they have a mom. (aside from what kind of mother she may be) She will do things with them like shop for homecoming dresses, talk about boys, birds and bees, etc. etc. etc. At some point in time my bios will need to have the male versions of that stuff and while I'll do my best, I expect my DH to help from a male perspective. I know that it's a double standard and not fair, but he picked me too and he can never say that he didn't know any of this. I was about as subtle as a gun in my delivery of expectations in the beginning and it is a continued conversation as they get older and reach different mile stones. (It has ended up going both ways since DH has 50/50, I think I do more as a SM then I would if his visitation schedule were less)

I know my answer was a little different then what you were probably looking for, it was just my blended perspective of expectations. The way I see it, I'm good enough to cook and clean for my DH, sleep with him, support him emotionally and financially etc. He can be a good man for me in return.

I expect more too, as I'm a 24/7 SAHM to his kids and I never complain about that (I do complain about bad behavior, but that's another story). Typing that almost makes me feel selfish for feeling this way?!

I have never been with a man who is more willing, more cheerful, and more helpful with everything than DH. His actions every day tell me he appreciates the crap out of me, even though he may only actually say it 1x/month or so.

If DH had treated me like many of my past male-relationship men had treated me (more aloof, more selfish, less affectionate, etc.) there is no way I would have married him.

I do. I explained to him that I don't think he gets to make the same stupid mistakes as a childless man in his first marriage, because he made a huge mistake at 19 with some idiot that has made my life really hard already.

I absolutely agree.  SO treats me better than anyone has ever treated me before which is the only reason why I am able to deal with everything that comes with being with him.  Sometimes he " forgets" that this is a choice for me. Usually he will see the look on my face and will try hard to make the situation better. 

I expect that level of attention.  We are all human, as someone else stated, and we need to feel appreciated in any circumstance. It sounds a little selfish sometimes to demand that additonal support, love attention etc.. but that is reality. I've actually told my SO I genuinely sympathize with him and how hard it is for him. (Which is why I of course cut him some slack) He has to manage his children and BM and also care for our relationship, which is more a seperate entity as opposed to if I was the mother of his children. It's a lot to juggle when you think about it, but that doesn't change the fact that I have needs.

 I read an article recently and it went something like this: 

To put it bluntly, My SO is a catch and I'm madly in love with him but some of my dreams are shattered by being with him. No woman dreams of always having another womans schedule to consider in her life. No woman dreams of spending time with your SO's ex's family , or not being that hand that's held when walking down the street. No woman ideally wants dinners interuppted constantly by calls and texts from their SO's ex.  

But that is the life we have with our SO. I think the real problem lies in the fact that it is often assumed that because we CHOSE this life, we just have to deal with it.  Which just isn't the case. Nobody anticipates all the complexities and emotions that arise. You can not prepare yourself for these challenges. In order for it to work your SO really does need to step it up a notch more than the average man to let you know how much you are loved and appreciated.