My husband would never agree to this request. Ridiculous.

I wouldn't do it- stay away from that woman. The children are adults and don't need her in their lives to make decisions. I am sure they probably cut her out of their lives and she will use you - let's all get together and get along - to get back at the children.

Let bygones be bygones. You survived without her and people don't change.

I will never trust BM - she is doing this to use you in some way.

Leave the relationship closed. It will blow up in your face at a later stage if you allow her back in your lives.

My two cents...

No way. They're adults, they don't need you to look out for them. If the Boys have a desire for their parents to be together for events they are more than old enough to tell you that themselves. But really, she was high conflict while they were minors, that ship has sailed. The only joint events you now need to see her at would be weddings, graduations or the birth of a child and even that last one you should be able to arrange for when she isn't there to visit. Don't push your husband to do this.

Be like Nancy Reagan and just say NO.

Don't. If your DH says no, it's no. They "boys" are all men now, water under the bridge is great, but no reason to have contact with ex. It will only bring drama and pain.

Sounds to me like she hasn't gotten attention lately since the boys became adults, now she is contacting you wanting to get together to get along to keep herself in the picture like before. my DH parents were divorsed and since he has been an adult they never have to really speak again even at our wedding and both seem to be okay with that, DH sure is.

Eff that.

They're adults. Nothing needs to be done "for the boys" except be civil at their weddings/grandkids parties/etc

my ss2's BM wanted to do this and we let her into our house, listened to all of her concerns aka letting her bitch at us. Then we talk about ways to fix it and I went along with everything agreeing to try to work with her and blah blah blah. As soon as she walked out the door DH said she was just playing with me and that he was with her for 6 years and can tell when she's just lying or saying what she has to say to get what she wants. I told him not to be so negative and to give it a try….sure enough not even a week later she was back to being a crazy psychotic bitch.

Lessoned learned, BMs just want to talk so you listen to them tell you everything you are doing wrong and want you to sit there an accept how things are going to go. No point in indulging her because usually what BM wants is ridiculous and isn't even in the best interest of the kid. Tell her to work on yourself instead of trying to work on y'all.

We have been BM free for about 4 1/2 years. My husband told her that once CS was done, he never wanted to speak to her again. Ever. About anything.

I highly recommend it.

Let it be, especially since your husband is already on board. He knows that nothing good will come of it.

If she wanted to do something "for the sake of the boys", she would not have been so high conflict when they were young.

If you guys were all going to be cordial and amicable, that would have been great BUT it would also have happened at latest about 18 years ago now. The fact that it did not at that early point, meant that it never would or will. Oh how wise is your lovely DH and how unusual is your concern. It's normally the SM complaining that the DH is fraternising here. Have you any tips as to how it came to be that your DH was able to put up a defense against this BM so long ago?

I find it very telling that she has not ONCE recognised her own bad behaviour. If she had said "Ex and SM, I want to apologise for my heinous behaviour over the past xx years. It did it all for selfish reasons hidden inside thinking it was the best for my sons. I realise now that I made your lives very difficult and cost you a great deal of money in court defense. I was wrong. I am most heartily sorry for my part in your stress over the past xx years. I have been attending self awareness classes/ church and have discovered I am not a nice person. I want that to change. I want to make amends. So I will be repaying you every cent in court costs I have cost you. Please find enclosed a cheque for $100. I hope we can meet in future in the company of our children.
Best wishes
BM

PS: I have sent a copy of this letter to our sons as well....

I would say if she did all of the above she is authentic. but you cannot expect others to accept your shortcomings and bad behaviour with a shrug and an 'oh well!" after so long.

Just sit back. You do not need to talk to her.

Isn't THAT the truth fightincrazytrain.

Now that your skids are adults I can see NO reason why you or your DH should allow this woman back into your lives. No reason for communications whatsoever. If she continues to persist in her efforts to connect I'd insist on a restraining order.

Woman is playing you plain and simple.. no matter how nice she's talking. There is a motive behind that niceness.

Been played too many times to count. Reached my lifetime quota years ago..

If she really gave a shit about "the kids" and was doing it for the "sake of the kids" she would have done it years ago. This "sake" of the kids is a load of CRAP. You see, she no longer can take your DH to court, know what is going on in your home, etc. as the kids probably now see right through her BS. This is just a way to keep tabs. Stay away. Tell her to f$%ck herself.

And PS, someone who wants to "forgive and forget" is full of shit. You see, her kids are now 24 and therefore might see you guys in a good light or very different than the BS they were probably fed for years. So now it's time for people to forgive and forget and move on. The ONLY people in my life with the attitude of "forgive and forget" were all abusive aholes who eventually needed me in some way and wanted to get back on the gravy train.