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O/T - need advice on ExH and his son

round2's picture

Submitted by round2 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 12:14pm

I need some feedback and I know you guys are not shy!

Background: My 3 bio-kids are all from my first marriage. My first husband left when the my DD was 15 months old. I started dating a man who would become my second DH when she was just 18 months. They are very attached to each other, she even calls him Daddy.

The marriage did not last long (2.5 years) but we have remained friends and still get along. He and my current DH are buddies, even occasionally going out for beers. He still sees my DD9 every week and many weekends as well. We live close by and I am flexible with her time. I give this detail just as color on what the relationship has been like since we split up.

H2 has a son, whom I still consider my step-son and love very much. He is 16. H2 has a new girlfriend, whom I have met and she seems nice enough. Here is the issue I need help with - he is so enamored with new GF that he stays over at her house during the week, leaving SS16 home alone all night.

This makes me crazy!

SS16 stays with me a lot, he and my DS17 are best friends. He has a key to my house and is always welcome. Obviously, I still feel very responsible for SS and worry about him. His dad is a nice enough guy but makes stupid decisions a lot of time (hmm, that had something to do with break up).

He has told me that it is his decision and I need to get over being upset with him. I realize SS16 is not mine legally but we have made decisions for the last 7 years about his kid and mine as a unit.

What do you guys think? Is 16 too young to be staying alone all night?

Comments

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 12:24pm

You are no longer a unit.
His son is his to be responsible for & make decisions for. Why do you feel like he should be consulting with you about his child?

At 16, his son is old enough to keep himself out of danger. He's old enough to feed himself. He's old enough to call 911 should he need to. He's plenty old enough to take care of himself all night.

nothinforya's picture

Submitted by nothinforya on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 12:25pm

Yes.

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 12:30pm

Yes, it is.
I have a similar situation with my SD...I remained in her life following my divorce from her father. She moved with him initially (we were custodial) and then moved back with me.
I would suggest letting SS know (as you already have) that he is always welcome to come to your home when left alone. Pitching a fit with XH#2 will only create problems and accomplish nothing.

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 12:38pm

I have to add... I have a son who is 15, so 16 is just around the corner.
I also have two who have gone through "age 16"...DS18 and SD22. I would never, never have left them alone repeatedly.
I never left them alone overnight period, but not as standard fare.

It's bad parenting, IMO. A parent needs to be a PARENT first (with minor children) and NOT focus on getting their willy warmed.
Again, IMO.

round2's picture

Submitted by round2 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 12:53pm

I have done all that. H2 never plans to stay all night, it just happens...

He is one of those people for whom nothing is ever their fault and he is "doing the best he can". SS doesnt call and ask me to come get him (even though i have told him he is always welcome)for fear of making his dad angry. Also, what 16 year old boy wouldn't prefer to be alone and do as he pleases??

Someone said we are not still a unit - I get that. But up until now, we have made decisons regarding these kids jointly and I have always had SS's best interests at heart and his dad knows that.