Hi girls, my heart has been breaking as I've read some of your entries, for you and for my myself. After almost five years of marriage, I wonder if it will always hurt. My story seems impossible to explain in a few words but I'll try because I need support.
At 29 I was suddenly widowed, with two children,3 years later I remarried a wonderful man who was divorced with one son and a very involved ex. I had no idea what I was into, BM and DH were very good friends still(admirable I know but there's a catch) The son was very spoiled as both were guilt parenting, although mostly DH. DH asked me when we first met to help him parent because he said I was such a good mother. Great. I remember thinking, well, his kid is out of control (was 9 at the time) but as long as DH backs me up we will be fine! Well as the years have gone by DH has shown me resistance to proper parenting until finally I have completely disengaged from his son.
I'n no longer willing to be the bad guy in DH eyes when I say anything about SS16, who is utterly selfish, spoiled. But this is what I can't believe, my DH was continuing to pay more than full CS to BM even though SS16 lives here, just so she would continue to let SS16 stay with us. I finally told him, stop paying her or I will leave, because its not CS or even alimony, its paying a woman(fully supporting she does not work) so she will let us keep SS. After he very grudgingly agreed to stop, she made SS16 stay with her so she can recieve money again. Blatently using the child to recieve payments. Yes, I know. But what absolutely breaks my heart is that now my DH blames me for getting involved and causing the upset. Now just to be clear, SS16 only stayed with BM 8 days before she went away again with her BF for 2 months so I knew she couldnt keep him, he wants to be here with his dad, but DH would have preferred to keep paying her so she wouldn't pressure SS16 to stay with her, because when the money was sent everymonth she was fine with SS16 being here 90% of the time. I'm so hurt.