I am not sure I am cut out for this....
Hi, I am new here and like most newbies I read posts for a while before joining. I can empathize with what many of you are going through.
My details - I am a BM to three kids, S16, D14, D8 and an almost stepmom to SD8. My fiancé and I live together, we just bought a house and had it remodeled. His daughter is very spoiled and she grates on my nerves. He of course thinks she arrived on a rainbow, with doves flying out from her backside and everything she does is precious. Gag.
She does all the classic step kid shit - not speaking to me when spoken to, glaring at me, refusing to eat what I cook, (one night she even cried because she was made to eat fresh sugar snap peas)tattling on my D8, etc etc. She is spoiled, entitled, messy and overweight. For some reason that last one bugs me a lot. It irritates me that neither parent is worried that an 8 year old has a gut that hangs over her pants. But I am the mean one for making fresh veggies.
The BM is a pain too, she has gotten better in the last 6 months, but I am always ready for a reoccurrence of her craziness. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her fat ass.
I love my fiance' - he is great with me and my kids BUT his child and the shift in his personality when she is at our house is making me question what I have done. I will not set a wedding date and when he asks me why - I always tell him we have too much going on right now to plan a wedding. I think I can put him off for a at least 2 years! By then I will know (I hope).
Anyway, this site is great. I have appreciated the humor, candor, feedback and knowing that my life is not the only one set on edge because of one short person.
- round2's blog
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Comments
First off, welcome to
First off, welcome to StepTalk!
Sounds like your fiance has a case of what I call the daddy goggles. SD shits rainbows, vomits glitter and can do no wrong! Welcome to Stepdom
Have you sat down with your fiance and spoke with him about her behavior? Even though it seems when the daddy goggles are permanently affixed to them, no matter what you say to them their kid is still the greatest damn thing to grace your presence.
For a long time with my SD7, I had adapted a "Not my kid, not my problem" attitude (until she started becoming Princess Destroyer of Worlds and destroying our home, then I had to step in). Which it sounds like besides her blatant disrespect for you, that is exactly the attitude that your FDH and BM are wanting you to have.
Have you tried to 'assert your authority' (per say) over SD? If you have and there was no action or reaction, just more disrespect. Then I'd say it might be time for you to step away and worry solely about your own children.
There was a blog posted just today about less is more. Do the basic simple things for your SD, and let BM and FDH handle the rest. If they want her to be sickly and obese, that is their choice. You can cook the healthy stuff, but let FDH enforce whether she eats it. Unless she is directly harming you, your children or your items/home, let FDH do it all, so that when she turns into a sociopathic nutjob like my SD, he and BM are the only ones to blame. It's hard to disengage when you have so much vested in the relationship with FDH and you feel like 'ignoring' (although you are not entirely ignoring her) her will just make FDH's panties get all in a twist. If you can hold off actually marrying the man until he can get his daddy goggles surgically removed and start disciplining his kid, I'd highly recommend it. If you truly feel like you need to marry him, go for it
Stay strong, young Step-Padawan.
Lmao Golden tears...Maybe DH
Lmao Golden tears...Maybe DH could bottle them up and keep them as reminders of how much his little Skittle-shitting Princess has been neglected for being told no more Ho-hos.
Stay strong? That usually
Stay strong? That usually involves wine. Thank god I have a wine fridge installed when we remodeled the house!
Daddy Goggles, that is perfect. He really does think she is perfect - I am like what the f**k? I would not encourage my kids to be friends with her if she was in a class with them at school. Her behaviour has gotten so bad that he wants to find a therapist for her. It is all I can do not to say - no, what she needs is consistent parenting and consequenses for her crappy behavior. Lots of acting act, agressive stuff - hitting, pinching, kicking, etc. Never with me, if she had it would be over.
She has done with this shit with friends of my youngest and now they wont come over when she is there and who can blame them? I have decided my role is to support him and not get too immersed in her shit. He puts her to bed, picks her up and drops her off at school, etc. I dont unless he has a work emergency. So far so good.
We are on our second week of summer posession. The first was so bad I threatened to leave, this one has been better. By a small amount.
Lots and lots of wine! I'll
Lots and lots of wine! I'll join you in that! She sounds like how my SD started out. Therapy might not be a bad thing, for him, you and her. That way he can be told what he is doing wrong, you can get some 'pro' advice, and maybe the therapist will be like my SD's and recommend that she might need to spend a little time in an asylum, or just help SD learn that she is the child not the adult.
One thing I did with SD when
One thing I did with SD when she was getting super chunky is I stopped buying any and all junk food. Healthy food ONLY. So when she and DH looked in the fridge that was all there was. It was either starve or go hungry. And if DH decided SD REALLY NEEDED a damn Twinkie, he was the one who had to go buy it and bring it home. So it was only his fault that she became a glutton at our house.
My Fiancé has the worst sweet
My Fiancé has the worst sweet tooth and I have none, zero, dont care if I ever eat sweets again. If I dont buy sweets at the store then he will go and get them himself. They both love red meat too, like three times a week love red meat. I dont eat it at all. My kids get fish, chicken and pork occasionally.
She is such a meat eater that we had to take her to one of those Brazilian steakhouses for her bday. The ones where the guys come around constantly and serve you meat off a skewer. Gross, I had salad and soup. More power to you if you a like red meat but everything in moderation, except for Princess oif course.
I could go on and on, I cannot believe how cathartic this site is!
Haha! I'm like you chicken
Haha! I'm like you chicken all the way, occasional pork. I'm not a fish eater though. I have steak or prime rib maybe once or twice a year. I HATE HAMBURGER, although occasionally if I am at a party or get together I will have a small burger or what-not to not offend the host/hostess. I just don't like the taste. I'm much more of a veggies, fruits and pastas girl.
If your fiance is the only one bringing home the junk, then it is his fault for allowing her to overeat her share of whatever junk it is. He's an enabler. I hate to see overweight children too, but like I said, it's hard when it isn't your kid and when there is an enabler around.
That cracked me up - thanks.
That cracked me up - thanks. I am about to leave work to pick up the little kids and will see what hell is awaiting me today...