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Exes and Weddings Part II: His Response

Rose.Colored.Glasses's picture

Submitted by Rose.Colored.Glasses on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 8:12pm

Word for word:

FDH: Wow. you put way too much thought into something that doesn't matter to me. By that I mean, it doesn't matter if she comes. And its not to prove anything to her. There are no feelings there. I wouldn't have proposed if I felt anything for anyone else. Take a deep breath and relax. I'm not inviting her.

Me: That's what I heard you say in the car. Either that or my hearing is worse than I thought(I'm mostly deaf in my left ear)

FDH: BM is not an issue. I merely thought of it as a sign that I WASN'T bothered by her or her opinions of me.

I'm mostly confused now on how I feel. I still feel sad and disappointed, but I guess I feel slightly better. IDK

Comments

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 8:28pm

Hmmm looks like he regrets what he said and is now trying to backtrack. If he didn't feel anything for her at all, she would have been insignificant from the beginning and the thought of inviting her would never have crossed his mind. But it did. And that set off the warning signs. The fact that he still says that YOU are putting too much thought into into something that doesn't matter to him - well, if it didn't, then why invite her in the first place? He cannot undermine your feelings in this, which is what he's trying to do.

Any woman would freak out if their fiancee wanted to invite their ex. That is wrong on so many levels!!

And the telling you to "relax - I'm not inviting her" What in hell's angels name does this mean? That he put you through this emotional turmoil for nothing??? Why? Why? Why? You're supposed to be giddy with happiness..planning your day together and really looking forward to it - not going through this shit!

Gah..! He sounds like he's trying to console you and is making you feel ridiculous for feeling the way you did - which was the right way to feel by the way!!

I'd still hold off on marrying him. No way would I do it until I was 100% sure he was doing it for the right reasons - and it still doesn't seem like he is right now. Remember, once you marry - he will be able to belittle your feelings. This man sounds like a gas lighter too.. please tread lightly.

HotMess's picture

Submitted by HotMess on Thu, 01/08/2015 - 7:16am

I see, it's YOUR fault for overreacting, not HIS fault for wanting to invite her in the first place. Sounds like he might be trying to shift focus here.