In this case it should be up to SS. He may want BM to come.

But I am of the opinion that anything the kids are enrolled in, the kids have a right to invite whomever they wish to come.

We have never let BM keep us away from anything. Though BM would never sign SD up (nor is she allowed to now that we have legal/physical custody.) If she wanted to sign her up for something and pay for it, we wouldn't stop her. But if SD wanted to invite us then she would have to deal.

My relationship with my sons SM is wonderful, so there's never any problem. I hear others on here that stay away from the activities on the other parents night, as a BM I wouldn't allow that. Though I don't always agree with the phrase, "The kids didn't choose this situation, the adults did" as an excuse for the kid's behavior, I do think it applies in times like these.

I would say, maybe you can work something out that your H takes the boys every other time, and BM can come to those lessons to observe.

Not sure if that's helpful or not. I guess maybe try to think about how you would feel if your son's dad's GF or W put your son in Karate and said, "BM you are not allowed to come."

"I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

I get exactly what you're saying. In our case, since ss lives with us, Bm uses anything as an excuse as extra visitation for her. She used to do this all of the time at soccer practice. It would be on our time and we would bring ss and Bm would show up just to sit there and see ss. She has major guilt issues with her losing/giving up custody. However, there are big reasons why ss spends more time with us than her.

Anyway, I agree. I don't like to have to see Bm at everything ss related but of course she always has the mother card to play. Like yesterday. Ss has a broken arm. Bm insisted on being there when he got his "first" cast. Whatever. So yesterday, ss had to get the full arm cast taken off and a shorter one put on. We didn't think anything about taking him. Bm knew what the cast schedule was(how long each one stayed on, etc.). Well, she threw a fit that she wanted to see him get his "second" cast. Whatever. He's 12.5. It took all of 15 min. So the next appointment for the cast needs to be on Bm's time. Dh has taken off enough work so he called Bm to have her make the appointment and take ss. Well, then she was like, well I can't get off until such and such date, which makes ss wear his cast a week longer than he needs to. That's if she can get the appointment for that day. This is the kind of crap she always did when she had custody. She would put off appointments, forget about them or schedule them and then end up asking us to take him anyway. That's why we took over. Now she seems to think that we should be her secretary and schedule everything around her schedule. I refuse. If it's something minor there's no reason for ss's whole family to be there, like a dental cleaning or something.
Another example is the band banquet. We are the ones that signed ss up for band, paid for the trumpet, paid the deposit for the uniform, bought the shoes, go to the band parent meetings, etc. So we signed up to go to the banquet. Well, ss decided at the last min. to give Bm a sign up for and didn't tell us. So now it will be very uncomfortable. Ss will have our table and Bm's table. The way I found out about it was because the band parents president called me and wanted to know who Bm was. Her form said she was bringing 3 adults and 1 child. Turns out that Bm is bringing her live-in ex, his mother and Bm and her live-in ex's daughter. Can you say dysfunctional!!!??

What was going to be a fun event, I'm now dreading!!!

Dawn

i think both parents have the right to attend all public activities their kids are in, in fact their agreement says that they will notify each other of any activities the kids are enrolled in. she comes on our time and we go on her time. it's supposed to be the kids' time not hers or ours. it's hard to think of it in those terms sometimes, but now that i have started thinking of it that way, it is much easier.

just because i hate bm with a passion, doesn't mean that she doesn't have the right to see her kids just because they are playing sports (or what have you) on their dad's day. the kids want both parents and me there so we all go.

i'm sure the first poster above doesn't like the thought of bm showing up for her kid's activity, but i'm also sure the bm doesn't like seeing the smom at her kid's stuff either.

i don't like even the thought of having to look at the bm's scrawny ass, but it's a fact of life. unless she dies, i will have to look at her for the rest of my life. it really doesn't bother me that much because my fiance and i can choose to sit across the way from her, or in our own chairs vs bleachers. not that big a deal. we never have to speak and the kids realize that it is most comfortable for everyone when we don't. they are just happy when both parents come to watch them.

besides, we are there to watch the kids - we don't spend our time staring at her or talking about her - we watch the game or the practice or whatever. honestly, she doesn't even stay half the time her kids have activities so if we didn't go, no one would be there to watch.

My skids and my bs are the same ages and go to the same school, play on the same teams etc. It sucks that I cannot attend a baseball game without seeing her. I cannot go to open house at school without seeing her. I have to tell my "she has as much right to be here as I do". It is hard. It is not fair.

But there is nothing we can do about it. I wouldnt miss my sons events to avoid her. I wouldnt keep him out of those events to avoid her, so it is what it is. But I do agree - it SUCKS

I see your side of things, I do, and I too had some very same feelings. But over the course of time, I've come to realize that this is not solely MY child, and they certainly never will be. It's a fact of life that we have to face and deal with head on. It is her son, and the only time I have to deal with BM is at 'the practice', etc. I just chose to ignore the crap out of her.

The thing that works great for me, though, is she sits soooo far from the field, and I'm right there at the sideline- until last year. Now all of a sudden, she's Ms. Overachiever "Team Mom". For the most part, BM is only there for 'show' and part for competition, and part because she is a mother who wants to watch her son.

Wish I could burn her at the stack, though.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

our consolation for the over achiever team mom behavior we see from BM is that when she is trying to outdo us, she is for once, acting like any decent parent would. the rest of the time she ignores them, ships them off or otherwise is unavailable for her kids. (my blog stats one night showed that she was reading my blog while her kid was in the middle of practice - meaning that she left her kid activity and went home to read about me)