Driving to hang out with friends
Just wondering how far you would drive a child (remember this child appreciates nothing SO does for him) to hang out with "friends". SS has ruined his relationship with his school friends and says all other kids in his grade are "weird". He was invited to one of the kids houses that play on his travel team. They live around 40 mins away on back roads. SO hates to drive in the dark. This will be over 2 1/2 hours driving to hang out. I am not saying a word . Maybe it will be a one and done but if this becomes an all summer thing it will drive me crazy. Last summer SS would be around friends every night of the week. How far would any of you drive ?
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It'd be different if SS was
It'd be different if SS was spending the night over there, imo. If it's a one-time thing, well, ok, especially if I could take advantage of something in that area (go out to lunch, dinner, shopping, etc). 2.5 hours is quite a bit of time.
The 2.5 hours is the drive
The 2.5 hours is the drive time round trip. Not the amount of time he will spend there. That wasn't even discussed.We are headed to a graduation party. This drop off is not on our way. I am curious to see how the day plays out with the pick up because I am not leaving the graduation party early to pick up the child. And this was sprung on SO last minute yesterday. We have known about the graduation party for six months. I am sure the whole pick up thing will be on SO mind and h me won't enjoy himself. And I also have to add the friend lives on a farm. I am sure that they have quads, tractors, etc. stuff that suburban SS has no idea how to use. I just always get funny feeling about things. I know SO isn't backing out of plans but him thinking about SS willl make it hard for me.
As a parent.. If the child
As a parent.. If the child friend was a "good influence" type kid I would probably drive a long way for them to hang out... But wouldn't do that if my child wasn't appreciative of the effort
No appreciation what so ever
No appreciation what so ever with this kid. SO said we will be able to drop you off at a certain time because of our already scheduled plans. SS said can't you take me there 1/2 hour earlier and was all pissy with SO. SO was actually trying to figure out how to do this to please the kid. There really isn't a good way to do it and we are already going to run too early to the graduation because of it. I am too old to worry about this stuff that to me should not matter. But always end up being the bad guy.
If the host is reliable,
If the host is reliable, responsible, safe, offering food and a few hours of a good time then yeah I'd probably shoulder that drive to get some adult time for me and socialization time for the kids.
SS15 doesn't stay with us
SS15 doesn't stay with us anymore He just needs rides, this actually would start taking more time from us. On top of all his ball games and SO running him for all his practices. It is just the first time so maybe it won't happen again. He is just fishing for friends at this point.
I agree that he's fishing for
I agree that he's fishing for friends but I sincerely doubt that this will be a one-off. Once he knows that his dad is willing to drive him, he'll simply start casting his net a bit wider.
Yes I am afraid of this. I
Yes I am afraid of this. I hate assuming but there is a proven track record here.
Well if he just needs rides I
Well if he just needs rides I personally would do it every now and then BUT I'd have some strings attached (like letting BM know this counts as child support, letting the kid know he needs to do everything expected of him if he's expecting any resources out of y'all, etc)
Better yet, drive him to ChickFilA and make him get a job so he can pay for his own car/rides ... he can make acquaintances with his coworkers and be just fine.
Nothing is expected of him.
Nothing is expected of him. SS says he will not get a job he will make sure he always has a sport. SO thinks he owes it to BM . Plus this is the way SO "spends " time with SS. Being treated so disrespectfully on all car rides.
Just let DH figure it out
Just make him understand you are not leaving the party early. DH can go pick him up and bring back to the party. If DH " he doesn't like driving at night ". BS thing has ended. He likes driving when it suits him. So no more BS.
It is an hour away from where
It is an hour away from where we will be. I am just assuming SO will want to leave early to be sure to pick him up. I could be wrong but I know how everything has gone in the past. We go out to eat dinner early with friends, we go to early movies, we only go to places within a certain mile radius, just in case SS calls SO for a ride.
Have you ever bluntly told
Have you ever bluntly told him how unattractive he is to you when he plays his son's beck and call bitch?
I sure have. I have also told
I sure have. I have also told him bluntly he is being used and the kids don't even like being around him. He says he knows it but they are he kids and he won't give up trying.
Maybe its time he changed
Maybe its time he changed tactics. After all, what he's currently doing isn't working ... and he knows it. Remind him that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome
Now SO is rushing me to get
Now SO is rushing me to get ready because we are going to make SS late. I am taking this to the very last minute.
You are wrong
SO doesn't mind driving in the dark. Looks like only you. Parents have to Uber thee kids. Expecally if you live not near anything. The are the ones who decide to live where you can't walk anyplace. So kids have to be driven for those 4 years.. a hour away is kinda far. My SK it was two or four miles, we made middle SD quick a McDonals job. It took longer to drive her pick her up for the two hours she worked
I wouldn't drive him that far
I wouldn't drive him that far. If he wants to drive, he can drive himself. Sounds like he is able, he just doesn't like to. I would also make sure to run the tank down to empty before DH leaves, so he will feel the pinch of filling up the gas - instead of coasting on the tank I put in there. (if you share a car.) However, if you share a car, then you will be without while he is gone, and that would anger me as well.
I have an SD20 who refuses to get her driver license, and makes her sisters ferry her around like the queen of England. One day she will find that her sisters really resent her for this, and they may end up cutting her off. In that case, she will have to learn how to take the bus. I can't imagine being as selfish as she is. My parents would have kicked me out on the streets.