Wife hasn't slept in our bed for two nights
Well, this is the second night my wife hasn't slept with me since we've returned from the wedding. We've talked about it, and that alleviated some of the anger on both sides, but I still feel she's holding a grudge about what happened. It's leaving me cold. I don't like these feelings I'm having. It feels like this stepson is driving us apart.
- RLJ's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Tell her that. she needs to
Tell her that. she needs to understand your concerns. The son's not going away but maybe she can be a little more sensitive to the things you're picking up on and not disregard them. good luck.
Hi, thanks for your thoughts;
Hi, thanks for your thoughts; they're a big help. My SS is 36 years old, and he and I have talked in the past about his behavior. I actually was beginning to think that his abusiveness was over, but I notice the ways in which he finds opportunities to belittle me wheneever he can, and I have come to distrust him hugely.
The money my wife has been spending is joint money. When I told her (early on in all of this) that I had been thinking it'd be best if she just spent her own money on the kid, she got really hurt by this and said that if that was the case, then we needed to split all our money right down the middle from now on-- which we've never done. We've always just pooled our money together.
Often times people think you
Often times people think you should always put your children first, this is not true your partner always comes first. I may piss some people off by saying that, but I believe it is true.
This is a law we obey in our family. It's required because if the adults aren't happy neither will the children. Also, when the children grow-up and move out you only have eachother. My dh and I put eachother 1st children come a close second.
I am in total agreement - if
I am in total agreement - if the two parents are not strong how can a family be strong - when I was growing up it was MOM and DAD and then the children - I think the downfall of a lot of families is when people starting putting the kids first and everything is about them and parents put their relationship second. There is a reason we are the adults and they are the children. We are to be in charge and make decisions NOT the children.
When I met Hubby he said that his son was important but he also knew that he wanted to have a partner in life and wanted to have a life. This impressed me greatly because most of the men that I met that said their children were number one and so important - you spend some time with them and you realize they were just saying that for show. Hubby and I have always maintained a united front even with BM - she knows that we are a couple and our decisions are made for the whole household and not just for her son. In fact one time she tried to have SS fly out to visit us after we would have been at our vacation designation and my hubby told her either SS gets to us the day before we leave or we will pick him up the week after we got back. She lied and said he had a basketball camp and that he wanted to be in the NBA and she was not going to crush his dreams (the kid is 16 and his height is 5'7" and not really good in B-Ball so the NBA is a fantasy). My hubby said that a vacation with the family was important (he knew she was lying we had called the community and found out there was no camp) - we have a time share and take the same week every year she knows this and wanted to cause problems - of course she flew him out the day before we left because SS loves this week with us and would have been pissed! She has pulled so much crap over the years and we just stand up to her together.
If my DH did not have my back this marriage would not have worked. I am very grateful that he is the man he is. Not saying it has been all roses we have had some tough years but if he had not been there for me - I would have been out of here!
sueu2 - you must have missed
sueu2 - you must have missed this part of the blog - this is not the first time and if the Stepdad is good enough to use his money to help with the wedding and help set up the apartment for them then he should be respected - also he has been with his wife for 22 years - when does it get easy for him?!?!?!?!
THIS IS THE LAST PART OF THE BLOG
I'm really troubled by this stepson, and don't know what to do. Our relationship has been one in which he's been very abusive to me from day one, and I've mostly taken it, in the hopes that he'll get better. He seems to want to put me down whenever he can, in ways that seem sly and manipulative to me (e.g. cutting in on my wife and me at his own wedding, where I couldn't very well create a scene). HELP!
Sueu2 - I think you should
Sueu2 - I think you should have read it clearer. He has assisted in paying for a wedding and still has had no respect. After that many years of marriage, when does he finally stand up for himself. You were too harsh. Weddings are hard on blended families when everyone gets along, imagine what it is like when they don't.