Working Out the Details - by Donna Miesbach

Every time I offer a prayer
A whole new world unfolds.
Every time I harbor a dream
Universes collaborate
And stars gather
To form committees
Because they know---
That the wish is mine
But working out the details
Is entirely up to them.

I feel like I've made excellent progress since tossing Bozo and Baby Huey out of my home. I've been working my codependent's Twelve Steps daily and had recently stumbled upon (seemed like by Providence!) a good structured method for formulating my business plan and venture.

However, I had an encounter with Bozo yesterday that almost made me turn about face back into the abyss. I'm sure he put it out there hoping or even expecting I wouldn't think and just invite him and BH to move in again. I have missed him and actually spent quite a few hours yesterday evening contemplating terms upon which I might allow it. Then it occurred to me that if I had to put in place so many terms to live with Bozo and Baby Huey, I didn't need to be living with them. Ever. They would just wind up angry that I was attempting to "control" them and devote themselves to spiting me for my reasonable desire to limit the stress and drama in my own life. I would be saying okay to living in chaos if I took them in again. My having a life of my own doesn't fit with their negative, self-defeating agendas.

My dreams do not include serving as doormat for an adult dad and his spoiled tyrant of an Adult Spousal Status son who demand unending devotion, support and caring, but have none to offer those providing it. Who instead and with abandon, berate, insult and demean those who give to them freely and unconditionally from the heart. My dream is to enjoy healthy loving relationships, where the support I give is returned in kind and genuinely.

I dream of putting together a really neat business where I live each day doing what I love with those things and people that I love. Doing what lights my creative fire and feeds my soul. I'm 51 years old and well past troubling myself over meeting basic needs. I don't need to take on the problems of someone my age who refuses to get beyond that and is teaching his son never to grow beyond it either.

Bozo already knows the terms upon which I'd consider a relationship or living with him without my needing to make a list and repeat them again. I express myself clearly. It's not my problem that he won't take his hands away from his ears or from over his eyes.

Okay Bozo, let you steal a day away from my healthy dreams. Now onward, upward and forward for me!