I am so overwhelmed with emotions. The following is an email from the bitch bm:
"Hi **** (dh's name),
I am sorry to write this email but after consulting with my lawyer, I feel I have no choice. I will be filing for modification to the custody ordr. To save us both money, it will be better if we negotiate out of court and come up with a agreement. ****(ss's name) seems very upset coming from your place lately. I think after th hurt you put him through last week, it is best if he has some space. So my suggestion is to let ****(ss's name) stay with you evry Thursday night to Monday morning. You can pick him up from school and drop him off there too. Then we can avoid any conflict that you often instigate. We can alternate holidays as before.
And I am not sure how much the child support should increase by. Let's just decide on a visitation schedul and finalize money after.
And please don't involve ****(ss's name) in all of this. You have put him through enough. I hope you will respond in a civil manner as I have.
Have a good day."
Have a good fukin day?!! I want to choke that bitch. We cannot afford a lawyer, let alone the increased cs payments. ss is here this week. He is still being very cold to us. dh doesn't want to talk to ss about this yet. dh is pretty broken up about this. He has this whole camp trip panned with ss to hopefully make ss come around. But ss is not going to forget the whole cruise thing. His mother probably keeps reminding him at home. And the nerve of her to make us keep ss every single weekend. Probably so she can party with her boyfriend.
It makes my blood boil that she has a rich boyfriend and she just works part-time, forcing dh to pay her cs. We are really tight financially as it is. I don't know what we are going to do.
What should dh write as a reply? We don't want her to change anything at all. But to go through the court system will put too much pressure on our finances. I am so lost.
And as though it wasn't enough, ss didn't come with enough shorts. He left his backpack in bm's car. So we had to go buy him new ones. Makes me so angry!!
Thank you! I was so angry reading the email. I wanted to slap the bitch. She has been setting this whole thing up. How manipulative do you have to be to come up with this plan?
Since dh told her all communication is done through email now, she did not pick up when he called her about the missing bag. I just hate the whole situation. I want to SCREAM!!!
we have told him all the facts. He won't believe us. He has been completely brainwashed by the woman. We are considering just ignoring her email. And if she still goes to court, then we have no choice but to fight it.
I thought the same thing. Thursday-Monday is 4 nights a week.... more than 50%.... this makes no sense... this would mean you have majority custody and she would have to pay CS.... I agree. She just wants her weekends kid-free.
Twat waffle tried that same shit with us too regarding every weekend. I said hell to the no. And if dh agreed to it he would be on his own because I'd be gone. Twat waffle simply wanted her time to party. After he refused she pulled the modification card and thus the games began. Good times, good times...
I have to respond, sorry that you are dealing with a B. Just remember that they get what they deserve.
On a Side Note, if the BM expects you take the son every thursday-monday morning, that constitutes to shared custody.(I live in canada, so perhaps the rules are different). But CS would be eliminated all together, or reduced in accordance with incomes. If you calculate the hours during the week (168), half of that is (84), the SS is with you for 96 hours(from thursday-monday).
Unfortunately, most SS have a soft spot for their mom, trust me I know!
The worst that can happen is you go to court, sometimes its better that way!
In Canada they have a Law website where you can look up various court cases by name and or issues such as Child Support, Undue Hardship etc, here is the website: http://www.canlii.org/en/
it may not be relevant if your in the US, but it may give you an idea on what can happen and perhaps some legal terms you can use, if you can't afford a lawyer.
Best of Luck!
yes! The stupid bitch didn't do her math right. Right now we have 50/50 and she still gets CS because she is a lazy ass. We need to twist this around and screw her over this time.
She's trying to scare your DH into agreeing to something that is NOT in his best interest (or SS's for that matter).
You might want to go and get an initial free consultation with a lawyer explaining exactly what this devious skank did and what she is doing now to see what they will advise for you.
Take the mediation...it drags out forever, which delays the increase for CS longer. Crazo will never agree to what the mediator says so they set a date, go to mediation, continue mediation, she doesn't agree, then they set another court date. In Florida this can take a full year!
Also it is time to tell the truth to this child. Factually not emotionally. My DH started this process 3 yrs ago and we see night and day from the kids. They are no longer hearing, your dad doesn't want you, your dad would rather be with dragonfly, your dad goes to all these wonderful places with out you.
My DH had the kids 4 out of 7 days and paid full CS when I met him. Welcome to Florida. Also when crazo starts with her craziness. DH take out the CO and has the kids read the print for themselves, he did this when she would with hold them on his days, so they could see that he wanted to be with them but she wouldn't let them.
My DH goes to court without an attorney and she has never been awarded what she wants. He has in fact stopped her from with holding them and got the CS lessened.
The truth is a powerful weapon, against these crazy women.
How much do you want to bet that this was that evil wench's plan the whole time?
Ditching SS so he would miss the cruise and blame Dad, get his wittle fee fees all in a bind, then BAM....you get SS every weekend and pay more CS! Oh, but let's keep it out of the courts to save money for both of us???????? (enter sarcastic font)
Hell to the no. She wants to keep it out of the courts cuz she knows she's outta her stupid BM mind! Each state has it's own ridiculous set of laws, but generally there has to be a big change of income or living situation for custody or CS to change. I don't believe hurting poor wittle SS's fee fees constitutes as a reason.
Call her bluff....say BRING IT ON BITCH!!!!!!!!!
Then see how fast she backpedals
This was definitely her plan. Everything fell into place much too conviniently for benefit. dh plans on just ignoring the bitch. I hope it drives her crazy.
I think bm played a part. dh never brought it up because it was kind of working in our favor. We save money and ss still gets a trip. But I cant understand why ss never said anything. What the fuk?
So he thought he was going on a cruise but never mentions it.....you guys think he's going on vacation with his mom and you would t see him for three weeks but never say anything about it....and dh doesn't feel the need to say anything to his son about cancelling his ticket to go on a cruise??? His father didnt say "hey I'm going to miss you have fun with your mom and I'll see you in three weeks"??? Or nothing similar? Everyone just pretended like no vacstions were happening ans it was visitation as usual for no reason? And that's all BMS fault?
SS doesn't want to see you so bm offers you MORE time and somehow that mean you pay her more child support? On what planet does that even make any sense?
Either this whole story is bogus or you aren't being honest in you guy's innocence in the whole mix up.
First, it wasn't three weeks. Second, ss was not communicating with us properly before the trip. Third, we have 50/50 right now and dh pays bm considerable cs because she barely works and lives off her boyfriend.
And I just did the calculation. We will still owe her money even if we have him four nights, even though it will be lower than what we are paying now. I made a mistake in calculating the time in my first post.
Maybe try getting more facts before trying to upset people who are just trying to get advice and trying to vent.
If you have 50/50....and the cruise was on your visitation time then how would it not have been three weeks from the time you sent him with bm and when you thought you would be seeing him again?
Firstly have you shown any proof to ss that he was meant to go on the cruise with you (email confirmation/credit card statement and recredit upon cancelling his ticket/adjusted document of travel?! He needs to see all this. If he still doesn't believe you, then while I would be horrified that BM played such a nasty hand with her son's feelings you and DH need to STOP with the making up for what happened, tip toeing around ss, stop putting up with attitude from ss and even making plans for another trip (camping) to make up for the cruise. Why you may ask? Well ALLLLL that does is smack of guilt. Your ss chooses not to believe you, this could be genuine or it could be confusion or perhaps his conflicted feelings are being taken out on you and DH.
I feel sorry for ss but its NOT ok for him to be acting like this to you, you and DH did nothing wrong and you need to act like it. My attitude would be this (softly but firmly) "ss what happened was horrible however we have shown you x and y, yet you still persist in blaming us for something which was beyond our control. While I am sorry this happened, I will not continue to be blamed for your mother's games. If we really had dumped you like that then your mother should be worried about leaving you with us, however she is now demanding we have you more and during the times she can see her bf. Funny that. I will always love you, you are part of our family but I sadly cannot control how your mother behaves."
You all need to move on from this and that includes forgiving yourselves for falling for BM's sick trick. This is on HER, not you and DH. I fear her plan is working to a degree and ss *may* exploit his father's sadness and misplaced guilt, please be aware of that.
As for insistence you have ss when she demands it, do not fall for that either. Explain to ss now that you will be sticking to current arrangements as BM does not get to instruct the set up of your life and custody (pre-empt any damage BM will involve ss in when she doesn't get the reaction she wants NOW). Explain to ss BM may be angry as DH does not agree with her, but that has ss's parent he has equal say in arrangements because of work ect.
Dig up as much info as you can about the legal process, how you can represent yourself, can you get help with that? Free first appointment with a lawyer to lay any ground work. Keep ALL communications with BM and only communicate via email, be factual when interacting with her.
I see a reoccuring theme in your posts: the first post you state how much money you can save by not having ss with you so you made the decision to save the money and let bm take son on vacation.(how atlanta equals a cruise is beyond me but ok). You bank that money.
Second entry she tells you she want you to drop from 50/50 to every other weekend. I didnt hear a word about how that would affect your SS and his relationship with Dad, what I heard was that is a 350 dollar child support increase.
This entry you state "It makes my blood boil that she has a rich boyfriend and she just works part-time, forcing dh to pay her cs."
So I am preplexed because this sounds like it is highly centered around CS.
First and foremost you traded off SS for 900 bucks savings on your DH TIME no less. You guys are 50% responsible and loaded BM's gun with bullets of: Dad didnt take you because it was cheaper if he let you go with me. It may not be true but it is amo you dont need to hand her. Take alittle responsiblity for selling out the cruise.
In regards to changing a 50/50 schedule. Im in process of changing a 36/64 schedule my girls are 14. Even the judge stated last week to my ex that the girls are older now and their time at "Dad's" will become less and less. If ex and I cant work it out and we dont listen to the girls that he will meet with the girls in September and what they say will be granted. Ive been to court twice in 8 years and he already jumped to the favor of the girls who are requesting a standard every other weekend schedule ang guess why just guess why my ex will not agree to the schedule....yep the jump in childsupport. Even though he agrees it is in the best interest of their education to reduce the schedule he cant afford more support so I guess where I am going with this is: get used to the thought that SS will actively want to change a 50/50 schedule he is 13 and definatly has a voice in this.
Thirdly, her "rich" boyfriend is not YOUR business nor is it his responsiblity to supplement an income for your DH to support his son.
BM can spin that cruise 10 different ways in court, you loaded the gun!
shes bluffing first of all.. she doesn't want to go to court. its a scare tactic. with no proof or basis, judge will deny the order and perhaps even make her pay for attorneys fees. she wanst rid of him on the weekends. if she cant even make certain he has his backpack... trust me been there!
document everything and yes, talk to him but absolutely do not react or respond to the email. disengage!!!
If its 50 50 custody why should he even need a backpack...he lives at dads half the time so dad should be supplying him with clothes while at his home.
How does kid forgetting his bag in moms car mean that bm is some scheming money grubber?
What is wrong with you? Believe it or not, some of us struggle to have a full wardrobe for a growing boy. And since bm likes to spend money on herself, both bm and dh agreed to share clothes. Jesus Christ. I am not forcing you to give me advice. I haven't even talked about the details on ss refusing to come on our week.
She is not being a bitch, she is asking a legitimate question. Lot's of us have to do the full wardrobe at each house. How long have you been a SM? You must have the golden unicorn of BMs if you do not have an issue sharing clothes. Try reading some of our blogs and you will realize that no one here has a BM willing to share clothes.
I find it incredulous that this child never once mentioned anything about a change in plans to anyone. My SS always talked about things he was going to be doing the only time he did not talk about something was when he was not told.
If you ignore her and she has to post again then it is on you. There is no need to resort to name calling when she was nice and polite and did NOT call you out on your boorish behavior.
You don't realize that people have been in the step situation for a number of years and they see a lot of inconsitencies and they need clarification. I am sorry that is so troubling to you. Frankly a lot of what you have posted does not make sense so people are trying to find out why. It's hard to help someone when their story is contradictory and sounds unrealistic.
I am getting incredibly tired of having to ask the posters to clarify their situation and then having them start name calling and chewing off the heads of the members. You need to understand there have been quite a few fake posters on this site that have stirred up a ton of shit. Do not name call because someone is asking for clarification.
Your story is similar to a lot of ours.
Boohoo...no vacation for 3 years. Tons of people on here haven't had one in 10 or more.
Boohoo......you have to buy clothes for the skid. Welcome to being a stepparent and watching your SO or spouse have to pay through the nose for their kid.
IMHO - your DH should have leveled with his child regarding the cruise. What happened sucked and many of us have had to deal with psycho BM's who have pulled similar stunts.
Now onto your problem. Ignore the BM. If she wants to drag you back to court, grab your original documents showing your SS had a ticket, call the travel agency or whatever you used and ask them for documentation on the cancelled ticket. If the judge asks, you canceled based on BM stating she was keeping SS the additional week and he would not be able to go with you, then purposely dropped him off after you had left for vacation.
You now know to get everything in writing. So look at this little experience as a lesson. Don't change your plans in the future if BM pulls this stunt again. Tell her too bad, you already bought tickets to wherever.
Oh and go buy this kid some freaking clothes to keep at your house. Big effin deal if he has two sets.
If its 50 50 custody why should he even need a backpack...he lives at dads half the time so dad should be supplying him with clothes while at his home.
How does kid forgetting his bag in moms car mean that bm is some scheming money grubber?
^^^^^ stepdown that weird over a weekend including Friday and Mondays doesnt register as more then a weekend with men Ive had that here. And this is Thursday... But you might want to read my post.
I never thought in 1000 years the judge would ask to talk to my girls seriously. People kept saying it to me and I told them I had been to court 1 time in 8 years I wasnt going to disrespect a judge out of the gate and ask him to let my girls speak.'
Funny it was maybe the 5th sentance out of his mouth once I started my oral arguement.
If this BM spins this the right way or has an attorney do it for her, it could very well end up worse for orinial poster esp if he asks to talk to ss and ss says he really doesnt want to be there at all.
I will never underestimate a judge again.
Although the girls asked me to change the schedule and told me what they wanted so Im my girls are on the winning end of it by speaking for themselves I am sure my ex is shitting a brick
Firstly have you shown any proof to ss that he was meant to go on the cruise with you (email confirmation/credit card statement and recredit upon cancelling his ticket/adjusted document of travel?! He needs to see all this. If he still doesn't believe you, then while I would be horrified that BM played such a nasty hand with her son's feelings you and DH need to STOP with the making up for what happened, tip toeing around ss, stop putting up with attitude from ss and even making plans for another trip (camping) to make up for the cruise. Why you may ask? Well ALLLLL that does is smack of guilt. Your ss chooses not to believe you, this could be genuine or it could be confusion or perhaps his conflicted feelings are being taken out on you and DH.
I feel sorry for ss but its NOT ok for him to be acting like this to you, you and DH did nothing wrong and you need to act like it. My attitude would be this (softly but firmly) "ss what happened was horrible however we have shown you x and y, yet you still persist in blaming us for something which was beyond our control. While I am sorry this happened, I will not continue to be blamed for your mother's games. If we really had dumped you like that then your mother should be worried about leaving you with us, however she is now demanding we have you more and during the times she can see her bf. Funny that. I will always love you, you are part of our family but I sadly cannot control how your mother behaves."
You all need to move on from this and that includes forgiving yourselves for falling for BM's sick trick. This is on HER, not you and DH. I fear her plan is working to a degree and ss *may* exploit his father's sadness and misplaced guilt, please be aware of that.
As for insistence you have ss when she demands it, do not fall for that either. Explain to ss now that you will be sticking to current arrangements as BM does not get to instruct the set up of your life and custody (pre-empt any damage BM will involve ss in when she doesn't get the reaction she wants NOW). Explain to ss BM may be angry as DH does not agree with her, but that has ss's parent he has equal say in arrangements because of work ect.
Dig up as much info as you can about the legal process, how you can represent yourself, can you get help with that? Free first appointment with a lawyer to lay any ground work. Keep ALL communications with BM and only communicate via email, be factual when interacting with her.
Thank you Delilah. I agree with you completely. I refuse to apologize for something we didn't do. Unfortunately, our proof is pretty pathetic. If only we had an email or a text. I am sure bm has said many things to influence ss. He has been acting diferent towards us even before the trip. dh has talked to ss. But ss won't believe us. I wish dh wouldn't try to make it up to ss but he wants to. And I can't force him not to without having a fight.
We origianally thought of ignoring bm's email. But her arrangement gives us more time with ss and possibly less cs. But if the judge listens to ss like the user above said, bm might get what she wants. I think ignoring her to see her next move is the best option.
if stepdown if she has a recpt showing she intended to take him in the first place which is my point.
and Im betting BM meant to say every other weekend Thursday to Monday. If it is every week no judge would go for it anyway.
but im betting in weeks to come we see a different negotiating pattern, BM wrote it wrong I would be willing to bet my SD on it...( you didnt think I would use my kid do you?)
I think BM is full of it. Correct me if I'm wrong but the letter came from BM, not her attorney, right? So what makes you think she's even hired an attorney yet, at least for this round of custody battle.
I bet rich boyfriend doesn't like having to deal with SS on weekends and BM is scheming to get rid of SS to keep rich bf. your BM sounds like an idiot and a bitch. What mother wants to give up her weekends with her son?
I say ignore this letter and just wait for her to file. I bet she doesn't file, I bet she doesn't even have a lawyer working for her right now that's why she's probably trying to get your DH to agree to something out of court.
The poster who said to insist all communication go through her attorney was right on. Insist on that and see how quickly she shuts up, hopefully.
When BM dropped SK off, was it at the normal day/time? Or was it different than what the drop off usually is (i.e., usual drop off is Thursday morning, she waited to drop off on Friday late afternoon)?
If it at all deviated from the original and usual day/time, then you can consider that as odd... Because if SHE changed the day/time and doesn't have anything from your DH (in writing!!) stating there needed to be a change then she's in just as big of a heap of problems.
I just read your initial blog, and though I feel badly about your situation, I also think you and DH made the wrong decision.
DH absolutely should have turned around and gone back home to be w/ ss. You may have been uncomfortable on the cruise with just you and the two kiddos, but you'd have gotten over it and you three would have at least had fun and not felt guilty and horrible the whole time. SS would not have felt abandoned. DH could have explained immediately and wouldn't be trying to do the Guilty Daddy Shuffle. BM would have nothing to hold over your heads. Yes, it would have been $900 down the drain, but you'd already saved that much not taking SS in the first place, so it'd have been a financial wash.
Comments
I am so overwhelmed with
I am so overwhelmed with emotions. The following is an email from the bitch bm:
"Hi **** (dh's name),
I am sorry to write this email but after consulting with my lawyer, I feel I have no choice. I will be filing for modification to the custody ordr. To save us both money, it will be better if we negotiate out of court and come up with a agreement. ****(ss's name) seems very upset coming from your place lately. I think after th hurt you put him through last week, it is best if he has some space. So my suggestion is to let ****(ss's name) stay with you evry Thursday night to Monday morning. You can pick him up from school and drop him off there too. Then we can avoid any conflict that you often instigate. We can alternate holidays as before.
And I am not sure how much the child support should increase by. Let's just decide on a visitation schedul and finalize money after.
And please don't involve ****(ss's name) in all of this. You have put him through enough. I hope you will respond in a civil manner as I have.
Have a good day."
Have a good fukin day?!! I want to choke that bitch. We cannot afford a lawyer, let alone the increased cs payments. ss is here this week. He is still being very cold to us. dh doesn't want to talk to ss about this yet. dh is pretty broken up about this. He has this whole camp trip panned with ss to hopefully make ss come around. But ss is not going to forget the whole cruise thing. His mother probably keeps reminding him at home. And the nerve of her to make us keep ss every single weekend. Probably so she can party with her boyfriend.
It makes my blood boil that she has a rich boyfriend and she just works part-time, forcing dh to pay her cs. We are really tight financially as it is. I don't know what we are going to do.
What should dh write as a reply? We don't want her to change anything at all. But to go through the court system will put too much pressure on our finances. I am so lost.
And as though it wasn't enough, ss didn't come with enough shorts. He left his backpack in bm's car. So we had to go buy him new ones. Makes me so angry!!
Thank you! I was so angry
Thank you! I was so angry reading the email. I wanted to slap the bitch. She has been setting this whole thing up. How manipulative do you have to be to come up with this plan?
Since dh told her all communication is done through email now, she did not pick up when he called her about the missing bag. I just hate the whole situation. I want to SCREAM!!!
You have a right to be
You have a right to be angry... BM's ten to think they run shit, and everyone has to do what they say....
we have told him all the
we have told him all the facts. He won't believe us. He has been completely brainwashed by the woman. We are considering just ignoring her email. And if she still goes to court, then we have no choice but to fight it.
Good idea, she is trying to
Good idea, she is trying to get a reaction and gain control! Just ignore her.
Tell the boy the truth. Show
Tell the boy the truth. Show email/text proof. Then send him back. Do not respond to her at all.
Wow! I agree with the others.
Wow! I agree with the others. NO should be your answer and the boy needs the whole truth about the situation.
I agree. Tell the truth to
I agree. Tell the truth to the kid. And no matter the cost get a lawyer.
What if we are in a very
What if we are in a very pro-bm state/county. We are afraid bm will get a ruling in her favor.
Yeah maybe you should agree &
Yeah maybe you should agree & become the custodial parents & get CS from her.
I thought the same thing.
I thought the same thing. Thursday-Monday is 4 nights a week.... more than 50%.... this makes no sense... this would mean you have majority custody and she would have to pay CS.... I agree. She just wants her weekends kid-free.
Kid free weekends. That is
Kid free weekends. That is EXACTLY what I was thinking!!
oh fuk! I didn't realise
oh fuk! I didn't realise that! I am going to do the cs calculation right now!!
Twat waffle tried that same
Twat waffle tried that same shit with us too regarding every weekend. I said hell to the no. And if dh agreed to it he would be on his own because I'd be gone. Twat waffle simply wanted her time to party. After he refused she pulled the modification card and thus the games began. Good times, good times...
I have to respond, sorry that
I have to respond, sorry that you are dealing with a B. Just remember that they get what they deserve.
On a Side Note, if the BM expects you take the son every thursday-monday morning, that constitutes to shared custody.(I live in canada, so perhaps the rules are different). But CS would be eliminated all together, or reduced in accordance with incomes. If you calculate the hours during the week (168), half of that is (84), the SS is with you for 96 hours(from thursday-monday).
Unfortunately, most SS have a soft spot for their mom, trust me I know!
The worst that can happen is you go to court, sometimes its better that way!
In Canada they have a Law website where you can look up various court cases by name and or issues such as Child Support, Undue Hardship etc, here is the website: http://www.canlii.org/en/
it may not be relevant if your in the US, but it may give you an idea on what can happen and perhaps some legal terms you can use, if you can't afford a lawyer.
Best of Luck!
yes! The stupid bitch didn't
yes! The stupid bitch didn't do her math right. Right now we have 50/50 and she still gets CS because she is a lazy ass. We need to twist this around and screw her over this time.
You would get the kid every
You would get the kid every weekend? Hell nah!
She's trying to scare your DH
She's trying to scare your DH into agreeing to something that is NOT in his best interest (or SS's for that matter).
You might want to go and get an initial free consultation with a lawyer explaining exactly what this devious skank did and what she is doing now to see what they will advise for you.
Take the mediation...it drags
Take the mediation...it drags out forever, which delays the increase for CS longer. Crazo will never agree to what the mediator says so they set a date, go to mediation, continue mediation, she doesn't agree, then they set another court date. In Florida this can take a full year!
Also it is time to tell the truth to this child. Factually not emotionally. My DH started this process 3 yrs ago and we see night and day from the kids. They are no longer hearing, your dad doesn't want you, your dad would rather be with dragonfly, your dad goes to all these wonderful places with out you.
My DH had the kids 4 out of 7 days and paid full CS when I met him. Welcome to Florida. Also when crazo starts with her craziness. DH take out the CO and has the kids read the print for themselves, he did this when she would with hold them on his days, so they could see that he wanted to be with them but she wouldn't let them.
My DH goes to court without an attorney and she has never been awarded what she wants. He has in fact stopped her from with holding them and got the CS lessened.
The truth is a powerful weapon, against these crazy women.
duplicate
duplicate
How much do you want to bet
How much do you want to bet that this was that evil wench's plan the whole time?
Ditching SS so he would miss the cruise and blame Dad, get his wittle fee fees all in a bind, then BAM....you get SS every weekend and pay more CS! Oh, but let's keep it out of the courts to save money for both of us???????? (enter sarcastic font)
Hell to the no. She wants to keep it out of the courts cuz she knows she's outta her stupid BM mind! Each state has it's own ridiculous set of laws, but generally there has to be a big change of income or living situation for custody or CS to change. I don't believe hurting poor wittle SS's fee fees constitutes as a reason.
Call her bluff....say BRING IT ON BITCH!!!!!!!!!
Then see how fast she backpedals
This was definitely her plan.
This was definitely her plan. Everything fell into place much too conviniently for benefit. dh plans on just ignoring the bitch. I hope it drives her crazy.
I think bm played a part. dh
I think bm played a part. dh never brought it up because it was kind of working in our favor. We save money and ss still gets a trip. But I cant understand why ss never said anything. What the fuk?
So he thought he was going on
So he thought he was going on a cruise but never mentions it.....you guys think he's going on vacation with his mom and you would t see him for three weeks but never say anything about it....and dh doesn't feel the need to say anything to his son about cancelling his ticket to go on a cruise??? His father didnt say "hey I'm going to miss you have fun with your mom and I'll see you in three weeks"??? Or nothing similar? Everyone just pretended like no vacstions were happening ans it was visitation as usual for no reason? And that's all BMS fault?
SS doesn't want to see you so bm offers you MORE time and somehow that mean you pay her more child support? On what planet does that even make any sense?
Either this whole story is bogus or you aren't being honest in you guy's innocence in the whole mix up.
First, it wasn't three weeks.
First, it wasn't three weeks. Second, ss was not communicating with us properly before the trip. Third, we have 50/50 right now and dh pays bm considerable cs because she barely works and lives off her boyfriend.
And I just did the calculation. We will still owe her money even if we have him four nights, even though it will be lower than what we are paying now. I made a mistake in calculating the time in my first post.
Maybe try getting more facts before trying to upset people who are just trying to get advice and trying to vent.
If you have 50/50....and the
If you have 50/50....and the cruise was on your visitation time then how would it not have been three weeks from the time you sent him with bm and when you thought you would be seeing him again?
This whole story makes no logical sense.
Duplicate
Duplicate
Redneck, Firstly have you
Redneck,
Firstly have you shown any proof to ss that he was meant to go on the cruise with you (email confirmation/credit card statement and recredit upon cancelling his ticket/adjusted document of travel?! He needs to see all this. If he still doesn't believe you, then while I would be horrified that BM played such a nasty hand with her son's feelings you and DH need to STOP with the making up for what happened, tip toeing around ss, stop putting up with attitude from ss and even making plans for another trip (camping) to make up for the cruise. Why you may ask? Well ALLLLL that does is smack of guilt. Your ss chooses not to believe you, this could be genuine or it could be confusion or perhaps his conflicted feelings are being taken out on you and DH.
I feel sorry for ss but its NOT ok for him to be acting like this to you, you and DH did nothing wrong and you need to act like it. My attitude would be this (softly but firmly) "ss what happened was horrible however we have shown you x and y, yet you still persist in blaming us for something which was beyond our control. While I am sorry this happened, I will not continue to be blamed for your mother's games. If we really had dumped you like that then your mother should be worried about leaving you with us, however she is now demanding we have you more and during the times she can see her bf. Funny that. I will always love you, you are part of our family but I sadly cannot control how your mother behaves."
You all need to move on from this and that includes forgiving yourselves for falling for BM's sick trick. This is on HER, not you and DH. I fear her plan is working to a degree and ss *may* exploit his father's sadness and misplaced guilt, please be aware of that.
As for insistence you have ss when she demands it, do not fall for that either. Explain to ss now that you will be sticking to current arrangements as BM does not get to instruct the set up of your life and custody (pre-empt any damage BM will involve ss in when she doesn't get the reaction she wants NOW). Explain to ss BM may be angry as DH does not agree with her, but that has ss's parent he has equal say in arrangements because of work ect.
Dig up as much info as you can about the legal process, how you can represent yourself, can you get help with that? Free first appointment with a lawyer to lay any ground work. Keep ALL communications with BM and only communicate via email, be factual when interacting with her.
I see a reoccuring theme in
I see a reoccuring theme in your posts: the first post you state how much money you can save by not having ss with you so you made the decision to save the money and let bm take son on vacation.(how atlanta equals a cruise is beyond me but ok). You bank that money.
Second entry she tells you she want you to drop from 50/50 to every other weekend. I didnt hear a word about how that would affect your SS and his relationship with Dad, what I heard was that is a 350 dollar child support increase.
This entry you state "It makes my blood boil that she has a rich boyfriend and she just works part-time, forcing dh to pay her cs."
So I am preplexed because this sounds like it is highly centered around CS.
First and foremost you traded off SS for 900 bucks savings on your DH TIME no less. You guys are 50% responsible and loaded BM's gun with bullets of: Dad didnt take you because it was cheaper if he let you go with me. It may not be true but it is amo you dont need to hand her. Take alittle responsiblity for selling out the cruise.
In regards to changing a 50/50 schedule. Im in process of changing a 36/64 schedule my girls are 14. Even the judge stated last week to my ex that the girls are older now and their time at "Dad's" will become less and less. If ex and I cant work it out and we dont listen to the girls that he will meet with the girls in September and what they say will be granted. Ive been to court twice in 8 years and he already jumped to the favor of the girls who are requesting a standard every other weekend schedule ang guess why just guess why my ex will not agree to the schedule....yep the jump in childsupport. Even though he agrees it is in the best interest of their education to reduce the schedule he cant afford more support so I guess where I am going with this is: get used to the thought that SS will actively want to change a 50/50 schedule he is 13 and definatly has a voice in this.
Thirdly, her "rich" boyfriend is not YOUR business nor is it his responsiblity to supplement an income for your DH to support his son.
BM can spin that cruise 10 different ways in court, you loaded the gun!
shes bluffing first of all..
shes bluffing first of all.. she doesn't want to go to court. its a scare tactic. with no proof or basis, judge will deny the order and perhaps even make her pay for attorneys fees. she wanst rid of him on the weekends. if she cant even make certain he has his backpack... trust me been there!
document everything and yes, talk to him but absolutely do not react or respond to the email. disengage!!!
Good luck
If its 50 50 custody why
If its 50 50 custody why should he even need a backpack...he lives at dads half the time so dad should be supplying him with clothes while at his home.
How does kid forgetting his bag in moms car mean that bm is some scheming money grubber?
What is wrong with you?
What is wrong with you? Believe it or not, some of us struggle to have a full wardrobe for a growing boy. And since bm likes to spend money on herself, both bm and dh agreed to share clothes. Jesus Christ. I am not forcing you to give me advice. I haven't even talked about the details on ss refusing to come on our week.
Funny argument for someone
Funny argument for someone who had 4500 for a cruise.
She is not being a bitch, she
She is not being a bitch, she is asking a legitimate question. Lot's of us have to do the full wardrobe at each house. How long have you been a SM? You must have the golden unicorn of BMs if you do not have an issue sharing clothes. Try reading some of our blogs and you will realize that no one here has a BM willing to share clothes.
I find it incredulous that this child never once mentioned anything about a change in plans to anyone. My SS always talked about things he was going to be doing the only time he did not talk about something was when he was not told.
If you ignore her and she has
If you ignore her and she has to post again then it is on you. There is no need to resort to name calling when she was nice and polite and did NOT call you out on your boorish behavior.
You don't realize that people have been in the step situation for a number of years and they see a lot of inconsitencies and they need clarification. I am sorry that is so troubling to you. Frankly a lot of what you have posted does not make sense so people are trying to find out why. It's hard to help someone when their story is contradictory and sounds unrealistic.
I am getting incredibly tired
I am getting incredibly tired of having to ask the posters to clarify their situation and then having them start name calling and chewing off the heads of the members. You need to understand there have been quite a few fake posters on this site that have stirred up a ton of shit. Do not name call because someone is asking for clarification.
Your story is similar to a lot of ours.
Boohoo...no vacation for 3 years. Tons of people on here haven't had one in 10 or more.
Boohoo......you have to buy clothes for the skid. Welcome to being a stepparent and watching your SO or spouse have to pay through the nose for their kid.
IMHO - your DH should have leveled with his child regarding the cruise. What happened sucked and many of us have had to deal with psycho BM's who have pulled similar stunts.
Now onto your problem. Ignore the BM. If she wants to drag you back to court, grab your original documents showing your SS had a ticket, call the travel agency or whatever you used and ask them for documentation on the cancelled ticket. If the judge asks, you canceled based on BM stating she was keeping SS the additional week and he would not be able to go with you, then purposely dropped him off after you had left for vacation.
You now know to get everything in writing. So look at this little experience as a lesson. Don't change your plans in the future if BM pulls this stunt again. Tell her too bad, you already bought tickets to wherever.
Oh and go buy this kid some freaking clothes to keep at your house. Big effin deal if he has two sets.
I heart you my little
I heart you my little stalker. xo right back attcha.
If its 50 50 custody why
If its 50 50 custody why should he even need a backpack...he lives at dads half the time so dad should be supplying him with clothes while at his home.
How does kid forgetting his bag in moms car mean that bm is some scheming money grubber?
I know! We were so caught up
I know! We were so caught up in the situation we did not realize we having ss MORE this way. I can't wait to use this info.
^^^^^ stepdown that weird
^^^^^ stepdown that weird over a weekend including Friday and Mondays doesnt register as more then a weekend with men Ive had that here. And this is Thursday... But you might want to read my post.
I never thought in 1000 years the judge would ask to talk to my girls seriously. People kept saying it to me and I told them I had been to court 1 time in 8 years I wasnt going to disrespect a judge out of the gate and ask him to let my girls speak.'
Funny it was maybe the 5th sentance out of his mouth once I started my oral arguement.
If this BM spins this the right way or has an attorney do it for her, it could very well end up worse for orinial poster esp if he asks to talk to ss and ss says he really doesnt want to be there at all.
I will never underestimate a judge again.
Although the girls asked me to change the schedule and told me what they wanted so Im my girls are on the winning end of it by speaking for themselves I am sure my ex is shitting a brick
Redneck, Firstly have you
Redneck,
Firstly have you shown any proof to ss that he was meant to go on the cruise with you (email confirmation/credit card statement and recredit upon cancelling his ticket/adjusted document of travel?! He needs to see all this. If he still doesn't believe you, then while I would be horrified that BM played such a nasty hand with her son's feelings you and DH need to STOP with the making up for what happened, tip toeing around ss, stop putting up with attitude from ss and even making plans for another trip (camping) to make up for the cruise. Why you may ask? Well ALLLLL that does is smack of guilt. Your ss chooses not to believe you, this could be genuine or it could be confusion or perhaps his conflicted feelings are being taken out on you and DH.
I feel sorry for ss but its NOT ok for him to be acting like this to you, you and DH did nothing wrong and you need to act like it. My attitude would be this (softly but firmly) "ss what happened was horrible however we have shown you x and y, yet you still persist in blaming us for something which was beyond our control. While I am sorry this happened, I will not continue to be blamed for your mother's games. If we really had dumped you like that then your mother should be worried about leaving you with us, however she is now demanding we have you more and during the times she can see her bf. Funny that. I will always love you, you are part of our family but I sadly cannot control how your mother behaves."
You all need to move on from this and that includes forgiving yourselves for falling for BM's sick trick. This is on HER, not you and DH. I fear her plan is working to a degree and ss *may* exploit his father's sadness and misplaced guilt, please be aware of that.
As for insistence you have ss when she demands it, do not fall for that either. Explain to ss now that you will be sticking to current arrangements as BM does not get to instruct the set up of your life and custody (pre-empt any damage BM will involve ss in when she doesn't get the reaction she wants NOW). Explain to ss BM may be angry as DH does not agree with her, but that has ss's parent he has equal say in arrangements because of work ect.
Dig up as much info as you can about the legal process, how you can represent yourself, can you get help with that? Free first appointment with a lawyer to lay any ground work. Keep ALL communications with BM and only communicate via email, be factual when interacting with her.
Thank you Delilah. I agree
Thank you Delilah. I agree with you completely. I refuse to apologize for something we didn't do. Unfortunately, our proof is pretty pathetic. If only we had an email or a text. I am sure bm has said many things to influence ss. He has been acting diferent towards us even before the trip. dh has talked to ss. But ss won't believe us. I wish dh wouldn't try to make it up to ss but he wants to. And I can't force him not to without having a fight.
We origianally thought of ignoring bm's email. But her arrangement gives us more time with ss and possibly less cs. But if the judge listens to ss like the user above said, bm might get what she wants. I think ignoring her to see her next move is the best option.
if stepdown if she has a
if stepdown if she has a recpt showing she intended to take him in the first place which is my point.
and Im betting BM meant to say every other weekend Thursday to Monday. If it is every week no judge would go for it anyway.
but im betting in weeks to come we see a different negotiating pattern, BM wrote it wrong I would be willing to bet my SD on it...( you didnt think I would use my kid do you?)
I think BM is full of it.
I think BM is full of it. Correct me if I'm wrong but the letter came from BM, not her attorney, right? So what makes you think she's even hired an attorney yet, at least for this round of custody battle.
I bet rich boyfriend doesn't like having to deal with SS on weekends and BM is scheming to get rid of SS to keep rich bf. your BM sounds like an idiot and a bitch. What mother wants to give up her weekends with her son?
I say ignore this letter and just wait for her to file. I bet she doesn't file, I bet she doesn't even have a lawyer working for her right now that's why she's probably trying to get your DH to agree to something out of court.
The poster who said to insist all communication go through her attorney was right on. Insist on that and see how quickly she shuts up, hopefully.
Something to think
Something to think about:
When BM dropped SK off, was it at the normal day/time? Or was it different than what the drop off usually is (i.e., usual drop off is Thursday morning, she waited to drop off on Friday late afternoon)?
If it at all deviated from the original and usual day/time, then you can consider that as odd... Because if SHE changed the day/time and doesn't have anything from your DH (in writing!!) stating there needed to be a change then she's in just as big of a heap of problems.
I just read your initial
I just read your initial blog, and though I feel badly about your situation, I also think you and DH made the wrong decision.
DH absolutely should have turned around and gone back home to be w/ ss. You may have been uncomfortable on the cruise with just you and the two kiddos, but you'd have gotten over it and you three would have at least had fun and not felt guilty and horrible the whole time. SS would not have felt abandoned. DH could have explained immediately and wouldn't be trying to do the Guilty Daddy Shuffle. BM would have nothing to hold over your heads. Yes, it would have been $900 down the drain, but you'd already saved that much not taking SS in the first place, so it'd have been a financial wash.