What do you do when the trust is all gone?
I'm having issues with being able to trust SD. After all that has happened with her over the years since I've been in her life, I am at the point where I just don't think I will ever be able to trust her again. She has lied to me about big things, little things, and everywhere in between. She has been caught stealing things from me, from her friends, from stores. She is disrespectful and unappreciative. Every time I start to think I can trust her again, she does something that blows it all to hell. I hate the thought of having a child that I think of as my own that I don't trust. I am to the point of not even trusting her to babysit her own brother and sister. Things are so confusing to me lately. My emotions and thoughts about SD are all over the place. I am not looking forward to our upcoming trip for her birthday because I do not feel she deserves it. Not that I don't think she she get anything for her birthday, but a special trip just for her, after all she has done just in the past few weeks? I do not agree, but DH has the final say, so we're still going. I'm sure this probably makes no sense to most and is all over the place, but I need to vent and if anyone can offer any advice or info it would be greatly appreciated.
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what does DH say about this?
what does DH say about this? Does he know how you feel. I think it is time for a family meeting or something so you don't feel trapped that you HAVE to do anything.
He knows how I feel. After
He knows how I feel. After all that has happened with her in the last 2 weeks, he is having trust issues with her, too. We are both frustrated and feel like nothing we do is working anymore. We are running out of discipline options. I have been turning all of the discipline over to him for a while now, just giving my opinion when he asks for it, which he usually does. That's the whole reason why she has lost her bedroom door. That was the idea of one of my friends, and he finally decided to use it. We have talked to her about her behavior and the consequences involved, both short term and long, until we are blue in the face. It just doesn't ever seem to sink in. She remembers it for the remainder of the day, if we're lucky, then goes right back to what she was doing before.
She's on medication for
She's on medication for depression, anxiety, and inattentive ADHD. We have a hell of a time getting her to take them consistently. I think that is part of the behavior problem. She sees a therapist once a week and gets her meds reviewed every 6 weeks. She has a lot of issues with BM and is extremely jealous of my BKs and the relationship I have with them, even though I go out of my way to include her in everything whenever I can. I'm sure some of the issues are normal teenage crap, but not all of it.
"I am to the point of not
"I am to the point of not even trusting her to babysit her own brother and sister." If you are to that point, then you should follow your instincts on it. I don't trust my SD's to babysit my kids. They are completely different people when they think their Dad and I can't see or hear them. I have seen and heard them when they thought I couldn't. My SD's are the same as yours it sounds like. Deceitful, unappreciative liars. I don't much for them anymore other than cooking meals, but I have to do that anyway. They and DH do their laundry. I don't touch it anymore. I do buy their school clothes, but that is only because we are on a budget and DH would totally blow it out of the water. If you really feel she doesn't deserve the special trip then don't go. Let him take her and deal with her. How old is she?
I wish it was that simple. I
I wish it was that simple. I have already tried opting out of the trip. DH had a coniption because all the plans have already been made and paid for for the three of us. We have someone who has agreed to watch my little ones, so I can't argue that position anymore. DH feels that if I don't go, SD14 with take it personally and be upset. Well, you know what...part of me not wanting to go is personal. I do not look forward to spending time with her anymore. I'm sure that even though this trip is all about her, she will find something to complain about and whine about how nothing is going her way. She is constantly finding a way to put the focus on her, whether it is positive or negative, and I am not looking forward to that. I think it would be good for the two of them to go without the rest of us and have some good father/daughter bonding time, but it's not worth the fight I would have to have for the next week with DH. But...all of my friends have said the same thing...if it was them, they wouldn't go. Oh how I wish it was that easy.