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Unruly 5 year old and Grandmother that condones it

Ready to run's picture

This is my first blog. I have read some of the blogs on here and feel like most of them. When I married my husband together we have 5 children. I have three ages 3,6,10 and he has two ages 5 and 12. The 12 year old isn't as bad as the 5 year old the 5 year old wasn't bad until I married her dad and he moved a hour away. My husband is a only child and had a home on his parents land. I'm his third wife. His first wife has custody of there son and lives 4 hours away, his second wife lives 3 hours away however his mother took custody of there daughter when they got divorced finding her real mother unfit and my husband worked night shift and she refused to help him with the child, its a crazy situation. His mother seems to use his daughter to get her way she was never this way until we got married.
His 5 year old has a smart mouth she has hit and kicked me and spit in my face she also told me that she didn't like me and she said it in front of his parents and my husband. His mother seems to think its a phase but constantly text my husband saying that his daughter wishes he would move back to his house and not bring his wife. I HAVE HAD IT with this child. I finally told my husband that he has two options either he can have a life and live with his wife or he can go back home to his mama but I am not going through this crap. Maybe it's being mean but I'm tired of being the bad guy, my children don't act like that and he admits that his daughter treats me bad but said he doesn't want to hurt her or his mothers feelings. I told him she can no longer come to my home until she learns how to act and treat me, my children, our animals and our home with respect. But he doesn't get the picture he thinks I'll get over it. I gave him the option to either have a wife or has his mom. I told him if he wanted to leave to leave but I'm tired if being taken advantage of and being treated like garbage by everyone. Was this just me over reacting.

Comments

Lauren1438's picture

your not over reacting. I did the same thing to my FDH when we first got together and his grandmother was running the show. It was awful. She even used and walked all over me it lasted for months. I told him that I was done and walked out. He quickly followed and he changed his ways because I was dead set on leaving him that day. Good luck, he will have to realize that he is the Father to the child and his mother is the GRANDPARENT (good for spoiling but not raising). If he doesnt wake up soon enough for you, you could always with hold S$x....That seems to work too.

lcraig1020's picture

I think your very hurt and not over reacting. We all need a chance to vent! This is my first time on Step talk as well. I share a similar situation except I have a 9 year old SS who lives with us. My SS visits his maternal grandparents every other weekend instead of his BM because she is rarely in the picture. His behavior and respect for me is awful when he comes back home, and just when I get him back on track (2 weeks later) it's time for another visit. My SS has several mental/emotional disabilities that steamed from his BM. I am the primary caregiver for my SS and he treats me like crap because he has attachment problems. I have 4 children of my own who are great kids, and they hate the way I get treated. Back to the Grandparents, I never get a thank you, or kindness from them even though I have been working my SS through therapy, doctor's, schools etc. for 6 years. My husband is in the Disaster Recovery field for his work, so he is seldom home, and I feel like I am forced to deal with my SS's problems-in fact I do EVERYTHING except when I ask for my husband to attend or call when I have class (I am a full time student) but it is rare. My husband has to work, so I feel obligated. I'm just really tired of being in crisis mode every second of my life, and I am getting to the point I dread my SS coming home from school because he has no empathy for me or the other kids. He has hit me and my older daughters over the years, and he is just mean. I try my best to ignore, but I am just so frustrated. I love my husband dearly-but I am becoming unhappy because of the constant abuse from my SS. We share a 3 year old daughter who is just the sweetest, and I don't want to put her through a divorce. Some days I imagine jumping in my car with my kids and just driving away and never coming back. Hopefully being in touch with other's who share similar situations will help I hope!

Anonymous_stepmom's picture

I'm pretty much in the same situation. I have a SD that is 6 and completely unruly. She is not allowed in my home due to her bad behavior towards my baby, myself and my animals. Her father agrees with me and even a social services worker said not to let her in my home because she is disruptive, destructive and does not create a safe environment. She is on some meds now which have calmed her a little but I'm still not at that point where I want to let her in my home. So you are not alone in your feelings and you are not overreacting.