Sort of O/T - What are your ingrained triggers?
I have some.
1. Infidelity. Probably amplified by the serial adulterous XW. This is an absolute deal breaker for me and also an absolute non starter. Like a red flag waiving in front of a bull kinda thing.
2. Liars. It was such a major element of my parent's parenting that I cringe at the thought. I was a pleaser as a kid. So lying and fibbing was a stage that I went through. A stage that lasted much longer than in hind sight I wish it had. I understand that it is part of growing up for many kids. I think I passed this phobia on to my own kid. He is rabidly averse to liars. I think that may be part of why he finds it difficult to maintain close adult relationships in his personal life.
3. Usurpers of credit that they did not earn for themselves. Welcome to a career, right? Leading transformations and developing world class or best in class organizations has been my career for a very long time. I do not do it, the teams I lead do it. I give full credit to the team and to specific individual notable performers in the team. Inariably I then get the complete disappointment of someone else usurping the credit for the things I lead and that the team delivers. Locking and watermarking documents, PPTs, etc... has been something that has returned mixed results in this arena. More than once I have been in meetings when a presentation I created or my team created is presented in a way that the uninvolved presenter slants as their ideas. work product, and performance. Watermarking those is an eyeopening experience for those people. Particularly when highlighted by the asking of a few information seaking questions. Or, when an irritated call comes in that a boss wants to use something out of a locked document and can't get in.
The teams work product belongs to the company. However, I stand that the team gets the credit and should be clearly noted when the teams work product is referenced.
This has not always worked out well though invariably Karma does deliver when someone claiming credit later fails miserably because they do not understand the process that delivered the results.
4. Priveledges are earned not granted. The media is filled with rants against those who perform. If I had a penny for every time my parents informed me that life is not fair and priveleges are earned not granted I would be a trust fund baby just on that income and would have been incredibly wealthy by the time I was 18. The trigger is when performance is demonized and those who earn and perform are alleged to have had success handed to them. Life is not fair. Everyone does not start at the same starting point. A person's starting point is in large part established by the work that their parents and extended families have done. However, the societal playing field is one big field. Anyone can get to any point on the field regardless of where they start. That journey is the crucible that builds the character to get the individual to their finshline. IMHO of course.
Many who bring CODs to a new marriage seem to have an ingrained trait where their kids are victims and performance requirements do not apply to their COD children. That, IMHO, is tragic for the kids, for the new mate, and for the new relationshop.
- Rags's blog
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