Recently my son (SS-19) called my parents to tell them that he would like to spend his ThanksGiving (7 days) and Christmas leave (10 days) with them at their house. They were thrilled and they told him he is always welcome. Dad asked him if he was going to Oregon (SpermLand) for part of either holiday. He said "No Deepa, I am not ready to go back there yet. I want to relax with family." I was proud of my son for making his decision based on what he wanted and not in response to a toxic guilt trip, and I hurt for him at the same time. What kind of sick dramatic crap does a family have to subject a young man to in order to get him to not want to spend the holidays with them?

He knows that mom and dad will welcome him, expect him to participate with the family, ask him a ton of questions about his life in the USAF and his plans for college and the future, give him advice and guidance, ask him to go to the farmers market with them to pick out stuff for the feasts, go hiking at Enchanted Rock with dad, and help clean up after dinners. But he also knows that their love is unconditional, they won't lay any guilt trip on him, try to get him to give them money, give him crap for being privileged, harass him about joining the military, etc, etc, etc......

Though they can be PITA and petty and bitchy your Skids know who has their back. No matter how much they may behave otherwise they know. Kids are not stupid and they know which blended family household has their backs and which is toxic. It is our job as parents/sparents to parent, inform them of the facts and prepare them for viable adulthood even when the opposition seems hell bent on lying to them, leading them to inept entitlement status or to be eternally dependent on the toxic parent.

So, my son is seemingly progressing to viable adulthood and is learning how to minimize the toxic influence of his SpermClan while addressing his desires to have some relationship with them.

Go kid go. Your mom and I are so proud of you.