My DW's first cousin (on her BioDad's side) has been Dx'd with breast cancer and will have a lumpectomy and bilateral breast reduction done today.  I am hopeful that her surgery and recovery are successful.

The comprehensive gene study the cousins doctors performed  found no indication of the Braca gene which is great news for her, my wife and the three nieces.  The nieces are the three daughters of the other first cousin (the cancer patients sister) who sadly is a crack head and has been absent from the picture for a decade or more cycling in and out of jail and homeless camps.

My wife and her cousin were extremely close when they were growing up.  My DW would spend summers (several weeks)  with her paternal grand mother each summer.  The two of them were thick as theives and shared everything.

Meanwhile back at the ranch and 2+ decades later the cousin pretty much ices my wife and keeps her at very long arms length.

My wife has always made significant effort to have a relationship with this cousin.

Things started to degrade after the cousin married. She is in an abusive marriage (Her DH has pulled guns on her and put guns in her mouth to threaten her about leaving with their two boys.).  She has refused to leave though she has used the situation to build sympathy from the family.  We have "loaned" her several $thousand over the years.  First when she asked for help because they were way behind on bills and again when she called DW in tears that she had to get put and needed money for a deposit on an apartment.  We sent the money to the apartment complex office on her behalf. She immediately backed out, collected the money and went on vacation after buying new bathing suits for her beach vacation with friends.  She "paid" back a few hundred then called to ask DW not to cash the post dated checks she sent as "payment" on the loans.  I finally just wrote that money off to take the pressure off of my wife.  Though she definately recognizes that her cousin is a manipulative user.

She called my wife to cry about her Dx.  My wife flew to SpermLand to be there for her cousin (and for the final hearing for my BIL'1s adoption of twin 9yos.).  The Cousin refused to see my wfie then got all worshipful of her childhood friend driving up a few hours from CA when she heard about the Dx.  My wife flew across the country but .... crickets from the cousin on that while making a big deal over her friend driving up to support her.

My wife has been calling her cousin several times a week for a month in an effort to be supportive.  The cousin won't answer..  She called again last night and the cousin answered them immediately hung up on my wife.  AShe has sent my wife texts saying she will call her "tomorrow" but then never calls and sends my DW's calls straight to V-mail.

My wife is so hurt by this crap.  My wife has had two breast cancer scares in the past 5 years.  Her cousin spoke with her during those scares but has sequentially withdrawn from my wfie over the years with the pinacle being the current isolation while my wife tries to be supportive.

I have had to bite my tongue the past month or so.  I have pointed this crap out to my wife over the years which she has not really heard.  Now she is upset and heart broken.

Ideally the cousin will extricate her head from her own ass and realize that she is hurting a person who loves her and that she shares a long family history with. Baring that I hope my wife can finally write off the toxic cousin.

In the mean time.  I will bite my tongue, hold my wife, and dry her tears.... and I will cook dinner.