Maid in California
New to this site because I have no one to vent or spill my feelings out to. 
I thought that I had the type of relationship with DH that I could tell him anything whether it's to vent or just get something off my chest. That has changed since SD20 moved in last year. Now, he takes up for her more often than supporting me. He says that I complain about trivial things like SD slamming doors or having attitudes. Everytime I try and say something, he says he doesn't want to get into it. I went in the shower and cried. I feel so alone. So, I guess what I've got to get used to is this: If I have feelings or want to vent..... DON'T. I'll just come on this site and do it here. At least I am amongst people in the same boat as myself.
DH doesn't know what it's like being a SP. Limitations because she is not my biological daughter. She will ask me for advice then go to daddy to confirm.. I just don't do it anymore. My job is to be her driver, cook her meals and clean up after her. Oh, not to mention serving her and picking up her plate. She used to help out around the house.. for about 2 weeks. Now, she just worries about her room and bathroom. She has a job in addition to getting $$ from daddy's GI bill so she could lead the "glamourous life". Hmmm... wasn't it just a couple weeks that we had to pay one of her credit card bills because she couldn't make a payment? Now, she has all this $$ and doesn't even attempt to help out with anything expenses. Starting next month, she will be expected to pay rent and some bills.
Poke me with a fork, I'm done. Done going out of my way to take her places and do things with me. Like Janet Jackson says, "What have you done for me lately?"...NOT A G DAMN THING!
Wow... that felt good.... I got that off my chest finally.
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Comments
When you get to this site,
When you get to this site, click on "forums" on the right hand side, then scroll down and click on "adult stepchildren issues." There are oodles of people here with adult skids and that is where you can get the best advice.
I also know that what helps me when discussing a stepkid related issue with DH is to begin in a calm tone saying something like, "you're a wonderful dad, and SDs are so lucky to have you. I really care about them, and have noticed something going on that concerns me about their futures and well-being. I've noticed (insert observation here). What do you think of this?" Here, give him time to talk and see what he thinks about this. Then ask him, "how can we deal with this in a way that will benefit SD? I'm supportive of you and want to help SD."
I'm sorry you're going through this. I also think DH needs to help SD become more independent. I think her having her own place would be wonderful for all of you.
How come she needed to move
How come she needed to move in at age 20? Was that something you discussed with DH and you agreed to it? You should not be doing things for her like driving, cooking, cleaning up after her etc when she is a grown woman; and furthermore she should be treating you with respect and gratitude for TEMPORARILY being allowed to stay in your home and certainly not giving you attitude and slamming doors.
I think it is high time YOU got an attitude, become feisty and stroppy and refuse to put up with any more of this shit.
Thanks for the reply. Sorry I
Thanks for the reply. Sorry I haven't been on in a while. Of course I get an attitude. I'm tired from work , come home and have to cook (haven't changed out of work clothes yet) then go do homework. SD had to move in because she was failing all her college classes so she moved in with daddy and I so he could keep a close eye on her studies. We have to drive her around because she has no car and rides to bus. I refuse to participate in buying her one. Why should I ? She doesn't even respect me!
I have become a chauffeur, a maid, a cook and a doormat.
I put my foot down and she blows me off. Disrespectful little }%*
Ugh! I wish she'd leave already.