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what does it matter

purplegirl201's picture

Submitted by purplegirl201 on Fri, 10/30/2020 - 2:12pm

BM text DH at 8:30 this morning wanting to know what time for pick up. DH tells me and I said that it isn't your week he has 1st 2nd & 4th weekend this is the 5th. He said well I'm not going to say I don't wnat him so I am taking him. 

He then ask me what time is good for me, this is the first time he has ever asked what time works for me and I told him that my thoughts didn't matter, it was up to him and the ex. I then informed him he was on his own for pick up today as I was not planning on going. 

He wasn't happy about that, wanting to know what my issue was. My issue is this.

You (we) paid a lawyer $3700 for a custody agreement and in the 4 months that it has been active NO ONE has followed it, BM decides what time what best for HER and DH NEVER questions or has issue with it. So now on top of everything we get an extra weekend (yeah!!!). He will work tomorrow, and I will be the one stuck at home becasue SS won't want to do anything and GOD forbid he be forced to do anything he doesn't want to. I am stuck in the house 5 day a week working why not the weekend too. I don't understand why he is so insistent in having him if he knows he has to work. He is a contractor and taking SS with him isn't an option.

I am tired of feeling this way all the time, I feel so ugly and bitter all because he lets her tell him what we are doing.  He says he wants to know my feeling and I said they don't matter I am ONLY your wife, not your sons mother apparently her wants come first. 

Not happy right now. 

Comments

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Fri, 10/30/2020 - 2:55pm

I went through that. The wife is never taken into consideration, and then all hell breaks loose if you do not jump to their tune. If I were you I would tell your DH that you cannot watch SS this weekend. You knew it was a kid free weekend and had plans. Or even tell him you had NO  plans but that is the  point  it is a weekend  to decompress with no kids no work. Your mental health takes precedent.

 

mommadukes2015's picture

Submitted by mommadukes2015 on Fri, 10/30/2020 - 6:50pm

So you got his attention, you've made him eat your words-now tell him how you feel. And remember-your goal isn't to be right it's to be understood. The door was closed the other day. Now, you've got him to open it, it's time to walk through. But be very matter of fact. Use I feel statements and tell him why you're upset.  Set those boundaries girl! The iron is hot. 

ntm's picture

Submitted by ntm on Fri, 10/30/2020 - 7:09pm

He will have to call in sick or find alternate arrangements. Make that loud and clear. Not your kid, not your responsibility. Why is he taking him if he has to work? 
 

Make sure you're out of the house first. That way he will be forced to deal with it. 
 

You are NOT the free babysitter. My DH didn't dare step foot outside of this house on visitation days unless he brought them with. 
 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sat, 10/31/2020 - 9:31am

Good for you for saying you won't go with him. Next is to say that you won't watch SS while he works, either. Around here you can't leave a 10 yo alone all day, so I'd insist he take SS to work with him or find a relative who will take him.  And you shouldn't have to leave your house anyway, you should be able to enjoy your weekend as you planned it, in your home.
 

Your DH has no business taking extra time from BM and then expecting you to care for SS. It makes zero sense that BM gets HER weekends all free, while you care for her kid!  And why can't BM drive him to you guys or pick him up, if she wants to give DH extra time.

All you can do is change how you behave, and then DH will have to change in response to that.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Sat, 10/31/2020 - 9:17am

But if he really can't find something at the last minute, charge him and BM what ever the going rate is in your area.  A quick google search seemed to indicate it's on average between $12 and $15 per hour in PA

Seriously7's picture

Submitted by Seriously7 on Sun, 11/01/2020 - 12:22pm

Man, that's messed up to pay thousands of dollars for a custody arrangement and then not stick to it.  That's so financially irresponsible.  What are people thinking?  I'm sorry you're going through this.