So my coworker came into my office and said "no good deed goes unpunished."  I figured it was a work thing, we're friends, we went on a few dates, but I kind of put a stop to all that.  So I asked "why do you mean?"

He goes on to tell me a lot of things.  His daughter from BM1 has a dance recital this weekend.  BM2 would never let him go to anything involving kiddos from BM1 without making his life hell for a week, even once they divorced a few years ago and he was there in a seperate room for a while, she'd make life awful.  So he's finally decided to go to events for kids from BM1 since he doesn't live there and doesn't have to let BM2 know anything and she won't pry about where he's gone.  So he agrees to go to the dance recital.

BM2 out of the blue calls while he's at work, says she's picking up some extra hours all day saturday and needs him to watch the kids, knowing she'll blow up if he takes them to the recital, he simply says "I can watch them in the afternoon, but there's somethign going on Saturday morning." She blows up, goes off about how he'll "never be there for his kids" (which he also apparently picks up from school every day, helps them with homework until she gets home and then goes back to where he's living now come to find out)

So I ask why he doesn't just take them with him to the recital and he says "well that will start WW2, she won't let the kids be around BM1 or my kids from BM1"  i ask why that's even her business, those are the kid's siblings whether she likes it or not.  He goes off on an anecdote how he had one of the kids with him when he had to drop something off to one of the kids with BM1 and BM2 threatened to call the cops on him and make a scene and report him for kidnapping.  So to avoid a scene he dropped his kiddo off.

So I asked a lot of questions.  He's still been paying a lot of her bills becuase "well the kids shouldn't have to do without"

Advice I gave? figure out the custody order solidly, document ANY contact you have with her or the kids in the least emotional way and keep any screenshots you can manage, ONLY give her whatever amount of CS is outlined in the agreement, and make sure that it's through either a bank transfer or a check, or something that can be tracked.  Then don't let her control his life.  And save up for a lawyer to get a solid CO that gives him more itme since he's doing most of the raising anyways. He should be able to be involved in all the kids lives, and the kids should get to see each other, becuase they're siblings.

He didn't seem sold and said thanks and left the office, haven't heard a peep since.  But damn.  Why are men so easily pushed around by their exes? We see it on here all the time.  A guy who literally gets shoved around to avoid conflict, when the crazy is literally going to cause conflict and a scene no matter what he does.