It's easy. Don't care enough to let it bother you.

I don't like my DH's ex but I can be in the same room with her at a school function. I can even go out to eat with DH, his kids, my kids and her. Doesn't bother me a bit. Is it fake? Probably. I don't agree with how she lives her life but I don't know her well enough nor do I want to know her well enough to actually HATE her. She does a decent job with the kids. Yes, she's lazy, yes, she rarely does laundry, yes she is unorganized and whiney but none of those are enough to make me hate her however annoying they might be.

The BM I deal with also complains about having no money yet doesn't have a job and isn't looking for one. DH pays her almost $1,000/month even though he was laid off and is still on unemployment. She called him the other day asking when he plans on getting a job to support his kids.....she didn't like it much when he answered her by asking the same question.

I find it easier to be able to laugh about it with my husband. We have developed some of our own little inside jokes. For instance she is forever wearing the same outfit. Purple top, black stretch capris pants and ugly flip flops. We make friendly wagers on the way to kid events as to if she will be wearing something different or her "mom uniform" as we call it.

However, in front of the kids and her I can put a smile on my face, say "Hi", "How are you", etc. My smile is even bigger when we leave and she leaves alone while I get to go home with my husband.....the one she let get away.

I would assume-that if all things are fair and there is not a lot of trouble and the BM is a good parent, then why in the hell would they not get along or why would the smom need to be fake?
The only reason that would occurr if the bm is a decent person-is the smoms owns insecurity and immaturity.
Obviously it sounds like your bm is treating him like a gravy train so I could say why you don't like her-I wouldn't either!

My exh gfriends both got along with me fine, no issues, and weren't fake either. A lot of bmoms are normal, a lot of exe's have good relationships for the kids. Obviously on a site like this the "stats" on bmoms look dismal-well of course it does, it's a vent place...just like if I went to a site that was for bmoms that deal w/nutty smoms you'd see the same "stats", etc...

I don't NOT get along with her. I just try really hard never to deal directly with her. And we have custody, so that's not always easy.

I guess like WifeVersion, I just don't really care.

In my case, BM is probably the person I like the least in this world.

I really like BM1. She is the biomom of my SS23 and since he's grown I usually forget about her, even though she's my neighbor. She is a very nice lady and her husband is super. I have actually said to DH that he must have been an idiot to divorce her! LOL!!! She has always been nice to me and she appreciates that I love her DS. We've had dinner with her and her husband and her parents (DH's exil's!) on several occasions.

So there really are some nice, normal, sane BM's out there.

We're not bff's! I rarely deal with her but if we had to be in the same place together we'd be fine. We are polite to each other.

In the past 11 years I have been in DH's life, I have talked with BM maybe a total of 5 times. Or should I say she has screamed at me about something.

Our first interaction was kind of funny. She decided she was going to start calling MY apartment to yell at my (future) DH when we started dating. She would yell so loud, I'd be in the other room and could still hear it. I told him that the next time she called I would talk to her. She called and started in on him right away again and I took the phone from his hand. I said, "Hello." She said, "Let me talk to gravy train." I said, "Not unless you actually TALK to him, not scream at him." Then she freaked out and screamed at me for about 15 seconds before hanging up.

No, I don't really like her at all. In fact, if I was going to go to jail for killing a person, she'd be the one I chose except for the fact that it would hurt my stepkids.

I could be in the same room or at the same place with bm-I prefer not to be-but could be and have been when needed. At first I was extremely fake (I've been with dh 10 years) simply because I felt that i needed to keep the peace for ss's sake-I continued in the vein for many years despite our very different lifestyles, her frequent rudeness, etc-i pasted a big smile on my face and was sickeningly sweet that it could make a person nauseaus. And I must admit that I think it made bm mad. She gets irrational and pissy and I stand there and smile and agree with whatever she said. she could never get me to bite. About 5 years ago I chose to no longer have contact with bm-her behavior grew more outrageous and I just didnt feel like dealing with it-so I stopped. I literally said, I dont want her at my house, she is not to call ME ever, and I have nothing to say to her. It took her a while to fully grasp this, but then she did and we have had minimal problems since. about 6 weeks ago she came to my door (we had gotten to a place where things were good so she resumed picking up at the house)and mouthed off to me. She is no longer allowed on my property. No second chances. I refused to be talked to like that in my own home so I have no contact. There is something freeing about not caring for a person and just not bothering to hide it (doesnt mean I am nasty to her-but when she does pick up if I happen to be in the same room and I dont feel like saying hi I don't. I just walk off-when I do feel like saying something i do) This is definitely an area where all smoms can disengage and should

I get along with bm though she has alot of coping issues and is a narcissist. I do not like her as a human being. Feel the world would be better without her, but as a society we are stuck with her. In other words, I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire! I rather watch her burn. And yes, I mist admit I would probably enjoy it.
I'm not a mean person at all, but this woman is so selfish and nasty I can't stand her!

I can't stand my BM - I always tell DH if I met her without being with him I still would not be her friend or even like her. Too materialistic and worried about what SS16 and his friends think of her. She also likes to have affairs with married men and this is one fo the reasons that they are divorced. She always wants to be cool - it drives SS crazy that I don't care what he and his friends think - I don't care if I am cool or not and when he lived with us most of his friends liked me and hanging out at our house - they thought I was cool and I was not even trying this would drive him nuts. I feel a parent needs to parent so I would make them help clean up after dinner - in the fall rake leaves and made them all clean up after themselves. I always say I am not a maid but if you want to pay me $50.00 an hour I will be happy to clean up after you. Luckily I only have to see her once a year now but she always stirs up shit right before we travel to see SS. She will not let us come to her development - like she owns the street so we have to meet somewhere and she is always 45 minutes late - very annoying. She also wrote me an email stating that I should not have DH call her as that will put him in the doghouse - I wrote back the only doghouse DH worries about now would be mine. This after we have been married for 6 years she still feels that he will be upset if she is mad at him. He does not give a shit about her and has told her as much. Also SS can't talk at ALL about his life with her but when he comes to visit he is calling her to update her on all of our new things.

We also have to keep a lot of things secret because she just gets jealous and would go nuts about things - I hate all the secrecy but it is only for 22 more months - not that I am counting or anything - lol

I get along ok with BM#1...she is SD13's BM and although I dont like her or her methods I get along with her because DH cant and one of us need to be able to communicate with her regarding SD.

I love and adore BM#2. If we would have met under different circumstances we would probably be BFF's. We have had our issues of course especially when DH and I started dating....but things are pretty good for us now. I'm sure that we will have issues again in the future but for the most part we are on the same page regarding SD5 and I do feel very lucky.