HELP BM IS BEYOND BEING A GOLD DIGGER!! SHE HAS NO SHAME!!!

Does anyone know if u are ordered to pay the same amount of cs if u are laid off? My DH is getting a lil more than what he makes in a week if working n this biotch had the nerve to tell him he still needs to give her the same amount, if he does give her what he did when he was working we wouldn't even have enough for our mortgage, let alone food n bills, their cs order is through court in Ca.
Any advice on what to do? He wants to avoid going back to court since they are idiots n only take forever to handle the cs order..

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He needs to go to the CS

He needs to go to the CS office or call them and tell them he was laid off. Many times they will not reduce CS because kids of divorce deserve more than kids of intact marriages...sigh, their view not mine. But he has nothing to lose because if he doesn't go the courts will still hold him liable for the full CS amount. The worse that can happen is that they do not lower it, but if he doesn't try, the courts will still make him pay the ordered amount regardless of his employment status/income.

^^ this. You don't want

this. You don't want arrears.

http://www.childsup.ca.gov/Po

http://www.childsup.ca.gov/Portals/0/resources/docs/pub252_english.pdf

http://www.courts.ca.gov/1196

http://www.courts.ca.gov/1196.htm

I don't think you have a

I don't think you have a choice, you have to do through the CO. We had the same thing a long time ago, DH was out of work, BM didn't care that I was going to the food bank just to keep the household fed. ( I have two bkids).... Anyways, the SS's have moved in with us full time, have since last Feb, she promised to return the CS that she was getting while they were there (so we would not have to go to court) GUESS what? Haven't seen a dime. And we have had to scrape up $1500 to get a lawyer to change the order.
I know it's a pain in the ass, but you should have it changed. Now, I live in Canada, so not sure what the laws are where you live?

I live in California.. good

I live in California.. good luck with changing the child support order,keep us posted

She's right. He has to pay

She's right. He has to pay the ordered amount until it's lowered. He needs to request a modification ASAP.

The OP isn't even paying for

The OP isn't even paying for her own kids. Being a SAHM is a nice option if you can afford it. If not, it's time to get up and get a job. There's nothing wrong with both parents working to support their family.

"Echo" How are u not a b****

"Echo" How are u not a b**** when ur child's father has always been their, emotionally n financially.. she only took him to court because that's what she is, a cold hearted b****, he always picked up his daughter n pd cs on time, she had no reason to involve the court, his daughter wants to be with us longer but no how can she if that means less $$ for gold digger mom, once the court decided the percentage of time with each parent n the amount pd bby momma no longer cares if his daughter stays longer.. n the only reason he is laid off right now is because they need to get job site ready for them not because he is a dead beat dad, n y in the Heck should I work to support another kid? Are u saying that who matters is their kid only n mine could starve? If he pays her what he pays when he is working we wont even have enough for our mortgage let alone food n bills, this girl works n makes good money my hubby is practically paying for her other kid too n u say u have no sympathy? Are u made of stone? Realize he isn't a dead beat dad, he has always stepped up to the plate on his own not because a court orders it!!

In your other blogs you say

In your other blogs you say both BM and her BF have good jobs. If that is true, how is your husband supporting their child? :?

Based on all the blogs you have about trying to lower CS, going through the courts was a good idea.

Your SD's mom is working to help support both of her children. That is a GOOD thing. If she wereba gold digger, she would sit on her butt and let both BDs support her and her children.

You have made the choice to have you husband support your three kids all on his own.

The man has four kids to support. One mom is helping and one isn't.

His daughter is 14 n does

His daughter is 14 n does what she pleases when she is with her mom, stays home alone n yet her mom asked for bby sitter money on top of cs, her son is 5.. who do u think she needs the $ for? N bby momma uses their daughter as a little slave n the courts know about that, y are they allowing it to continue, beats me but don't try n make it seem she is working for her daughter believe me she isn't n in no shape or form am I or my hubby trying not to pay he never has but be realistic don't treat all dads who are on cs as dead beats cause their not

ill be the third to ask, how

ill be the third to ask, how can he get more yet you expect to pay less?

I have two Bkids that I never

I have two Bkids that I never got a dime of CS for.... And never asked for much, maybe boots for seasonal changes. So I am on both sides of this fence. The BM in our life is STILL collecting CS for two teens who haven't lived with her for almost a year.

Did you make the choice not

Did you make the choice not to get CS or is dad refusing to pay?

Why is your husband paying CS for kids he has full time?

If he's making the choice not change the order, then that's his fault not BM's.

He refused to pay.... and was

He refused to pay.... and was not worth chasing. And well DH.... I think he has some kind retarded gene that keeps him from confronting her ..... Fricking money.

Child support is awarded to

Child support is awarded to make the homes equal. Depending on the state they will make the parent that earns more pay CS to make the homes equal even if they have 50/50 custody. My FDH had to pay CS and they had 50/50 custody. He made slightly more than BM. The kicker was BM never took her parenting time and FDH ended up with the skid all the time and he still paid CS. He was afraid if he went back to court he would have to pay more since he was earning more than when the CS was originally ordered.

Child support is awarded to

Child support is awarded to make the homes equal.
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Yup..And I think that is one of the most absurd things in the world.

Even with letting women hold

Even with letting women hold historically "male" jobs you still can't have it all. Women have to (or SHOULD) be mother's first. I have a decent job. If I wanted to work 60/hrs a week and miss my kids growing up I could take my career to the next level, but doing 2nd grade math with my boys is more important to me. So my husband is the one to sacrifice and bring in the higher pay check. And my kids dad- who is the non custodial- can help support the children we created as well.

Once my kids are older I can work on moving up. Right now I make enough to be a help but not the "bread winner". But, when my kids are sick, I can always take off. I can always take calls for them. I can still be the mom.

Even if time is spent 50/50

Even if time is spent 50/50 there are still things like medical, school fees, sports etc. If the parents can split everything down the middle then props to them, but for others, sometimes its just easier to let one parent handle all of those expenses and send a check every month they may sometimes be more and may sometimes be less. Problem is, so many people abuse the money.

Exactly... being a single

Exactly... being a single parent is not easy, but as a single parent expecting to support your children less than 50% is completely ridiculous!

I think mabye she means he

I think mabye she means he barely makes in a month what he use to make in a week in a half.

prettyinpink I agree with Echo and HRNYC he has a responsibility to pay his CS and take care of his kids. I know its tough pickings out there but if you both need to get a job to make sure he can take care of his kids and keep your household afloat then you have to do what you have to do. If BM is just sitting around expecting him and the government to do everything then she should have to get a job too because if you do get your child support reduces its going to be cold nights for her if she doesn't do something to take care of her kids as well. If she does have a job then I commend her. But I think your DH needs to find a way to pay his CS instead of taking the easy way out because his kids may end up suffering in the end. JMO

Yes while on unemployment he

Yes while on unemployment he does make in a month what he makes in a week working.. n am I being miss understood? He isn't trying to get off from paying he never has he just says while he is laid off n making way less the amount should lower, thats all n the court does say to modify ur order if ur laid off.. I am just venting on how bby cannot understand that, that's all

Seriously? I read that he was

Seriously? I read that he was getting less.... cuz that is what happens when we go on unemployment here....We get less than what we would make working.....
That being said, I would get a court order when money issues change, no matter what. That is why there are guidelines. If you make a thousand a month, you cannot be expected to pay 900 a month for CS. Right?

I agree with echo and hrnyc

I agree with echo and hrnyc in that until the court reduces it, he has to pay what's ordered. He can go to the courthouse (or online) to get the forms to reduce it. He can't take matters into his own hands.

It's not on bm to give a rat's a$$ about you or your kids. That's the way it is. Most of us think of our own kids first. Bm doesn't sound like the gold digger in this equation. I agree that there's a gold digger in this equation. It's just not her. The law would side with her because you can't take matters like this into your own hands. She can't. Not getting cs isn't a sufficient reason to withhold visitation. And dh can't take matters into his own hands and pay less cs without a reduction being ordered by the court.

ok so wait read this again,

ok so wait read this again, he is getting less in a month then he was getting a week?

then file with the courts, but until then you either fall way behind because the adjustment more then likely will not be retro to when he started unemployment but to the filing date, or you pay the co amnt until you get to court.

but until he files your screwed

LOLOLOLOL

The facts are real. I love

The facts are real. I love the way people think you can just get another job ASAP after being laid off. It would be nice if people would read the facts. I thought it was pretty clear...your DH is getting just over 25% of take home income a month compared to when he was working. I guess you all should live under a brige until DH gets back to work, so BM does not miss a dime. If DH died tomorrow, I guess other think you should pay CS until BM gets the kids Social security checks.

I live in Louisiana. They will not reduce it until you get a new job. If you get a less paying job, they will adjust it then. It is sad. Some deadbeat dads would just ride it out. What you need to do is just pay what you can. When DH gets a new job they can adjust it to is new income and an added adjust for back child support.

Not ever unemployed dad is a deadbeat dad. SHIT HAPPENS. Hang in there...do the best you can. I hope your DH gets a new job soon.

Prayers and hugs your way! Have a blessed day!

"What you need to do is just

"What you need to do is just pay what you can."

Let's see how that looks to a judge. I don't think any judge would support any man or woman taking matters relating to cs into their own hands. No judge would support a bm withholding visitation because she didn't get cs. No judge would support a guy deciding to not pay the ordered amount of cs. There are legal options to pursue in both situations.

This bm isn't nuts. She wants to follow a COURT ORDER. She wants her ex to follow a COURT ORDER. It's not on bm to give a flying fack about the sm or SMs kids. The court order is the LAW. If anything, the op should be happy that bm is trying to ABIDE BY THE LAW.

Thank u justme54!! U seem to

Thank u justme54!! U seem to b one of the few who really understood what I meant to say, they are calling me the gold digger when this b**** had the nerve to ask the judge if I worked so that they could add it to what he makes n give her more!! Biotch I am not ur kids mom, y should I pay? N she aint a gold digger? Then she said how much do I get fr. His vacation $? The judge even laughed at that one!! Thank u for taking ur time to read my post n actually understood it:)

The people here MIGHT be able

The people here MIGHT be able to "understand" what you post if you stop typing like a middle school drop out...seriously. "N she aint a gold digger"? You need to get together whatever money you can scrape up and get an education.

Wow.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Holy crap...you REALLY LIKE to pick on and humiliate people huh?

Let me see if I understand

Let me see if I understand this, guy marries woman and has kids with woman. Guy divorces woman and marries new woman. New woman doesn't want guy to be responsible for his kids. New woman wants him to be responsible for her and her kids with another guy. Ok and the BM is the gold digger here?

BWAHAHAHAHAHA the only gold digger I see here is OP for wanting all the money to stay in her household and screw the guys kids.

Wait, the OP's kids are her

Wait, the OP's kids are her husband's BKs.

OK!!! OP should have referred

OK!!! OP should have referred to BM as closed minded and not a GOLD DIGGER! Get a life people. He is unemployed. She never said he was not looking for work.

But OP has been trying to

But OP has been trying to come up with a way to lower CS for years (read her blogs) long before her husband became unemployed. She's been calling the BM 'gold digger' like forever based on the fact the woman gets CS for OP's DH's previous child. OP doesn't work because she's been busy popping out new kids and DH didn't want OP to work anyway. He likes her being a SAHM.

WOW! I guess OP is the gold

WOW! I guess OP is the gold digger after all.

I agree with HRNYC

I agree with HRNYC too...

Have you really thought this through? He'll still have to pay for the kids even if he takes them. If he just got laid off, do you really think he could afford to have the kids come live with him?

Who says the BM in this situation isn't working? She may well be working.

The CS order is the law. A judge likely signed it. The BM wants to follow the law.

Get a modification ASAP.

And Holy crap, I can not believe that you are getting ripped apart about this!?

Yeah they are quick to judge

Yeah they are quick to judge if only they knew!! First off I never said I wanted to buy a house to lower his cs, I asked if once we bought a house would it lower? How the heck do u miss understand that?

My ex-husband had to go to

My ex-husband had to go to court to have his lowered. Childsupport should being taken directly out of his unemployment check.
I don't mean to sound cold but his kids are still his responsibility. You might have to support the household while he supports his kids. I support the house and MY kids and my husband basically pays CS to his baby mama. It sucks but he made them and needs to provide for them .

It sucks but he made them and

It sucks but he made them and needs to provide for them .
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I guess I missed it where she said she wanted him to pay NOTHING to support his kids.

Holy cow So BM works.

Holy cow

So BM works. Instead of blowing her money, she purchased a home. When did this become a bad thing? :?

If SM wants a home, why not get a job and make it happen?

Excuse me we have a house, n

Excuse me we have a house, n no one said she aint allowed to purchase what she feels like it just not using her daughters money!! Fyi aside from what we oay her, her daughter will ask for clothes n shoes cause her mom doesn't buy her any n yet her lil bro who aint my hubby's son gets all that he asks for

I am sorry Echo,I did not

I am sorry Echo,I did not realize I was writing an english paper, for your information I can spell and if I decide to do a little short cut it sure is not because I cannot spell.. that must make u a very old professor, since I am the 12 yeard old, and very mature of your part to just attack me with out knowing the whole story do us both a favor and stay out of my blogs because clearly I asked for advice, I am only venting I don't need to vent from u too!! Oh sorry did my short cuts again!!

My DH had to pay $1500 a

My DH had to pay $1500 a month for two kids when BM had custody. I am in CA too. So I'm familiar with how the system works.

CS orders are kind of the law. It's not ok for BMs to withhold visitation solely because they didn't get CS. We can all agree on that. But it's ok for the dad to just "pay what he can" without going to a judge first? There are legal avenues for BMs to pursue if they're not getting CS, and there are legal avenues for BFs to pursue if they need too get their CS obligations reduced.

A friend of mine got laid off once, filed for a CS reduction and had to wait for close to a year until his CS was reduced. He lives in CA too. But he rode it out until the CS got reduced. He busted his a$$ looking for work, took out of his retirement savings and paid the ordered amount. He also called the case worker/state about once a week to give them friendly "reminders." He knew he had to stay on top of things.

Some things people ought to

Some things people ought to remember about CS:

1. If a judge signed it, it's the law.
2. If you get laid off, fired or are prevented somehow from working, you can go online/to the local courthouse to get the forms to file to reduce it. Give the state the order is in a call every week to see how things are going and put out "friendly reminders." You have to stay on top of bureaucrats.
3. You can go to jail if you don't pay the court-ordered amount. Then you'll just have more financial problems.
4. It's not on BM to give a rat's behind about the SM, her kids or your subsequent kids. BM, like most people, is going to be looking out for her own kids first.
5. You don't want BM taking matters into her own hands by withholding visitation because she's not getting CS. She's court-ordered to grant visitation. So you shouldn't take matters into your own hands by paying less than the court-ordered amount until it is truly reduced.

I never said we are taking

I never said we are taking matters in our own hands we know we need to modify n in mean time pay the same..

Every school in the country

Every school in the country should print out this exact conversation and comments and make every kid learning sexual education read it! No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but this post/comments is a perfect example of the impact one decision can have.

This is exactly what his bm

This is exactly what his bm does, she buys her self n her son stuff with cs money she barely buys his daughter stuff, if her daughter asked for a $10 accessorie or what ever she'll say she has no $ when we are practically doing her mortgage n then they say I am the gold digger!! Please I aint trying to keep him fr paying or being there for his daughter all I want is for the court to understand she is not his only child, we don't buy our kids $100 worth of stuff a month why should we give her a "mortgage payment"?!

Who said he isn't doing the

Who said he isn't doing the nessesary? U guys are totally miss understanding what I am saying.. no one said " hey I am laid off their for making less, so screw ur kid!" A blogger said it perfectly, how the heck do u make $1,000 n expect to pay $900?! Don't twist this all up we know we have responsibilities n no one is running from them!!

You are here

HELP BM IS BEYOND BEING A GOLD DIGGER!! SHE HAS NO SHAME!!!

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