We feel absolutely horrible. But my son made a comment how Ss was weird because he watched him change his clothes. My son has been lying lately so I did not jump to any conclusions. I grilled him and I still do not know if he is telling the truth or lying. My Dh asked Ss about it and he denied it. But the doubt has been in both of our minds. The small doubt is scaring the both of us. And with the recent physical situations my Dh and Ss got into, my Dh is afraid he cant handle him anymore.

The strange overly-affectionate phase is over for Ss. My Dh went to hug him like Ss usually wanted when he got home and Ss just pushed him away, saying its ok, I know you are grossed out by me. It is back to the way it was. My Dh has been upset. For a while, he felt like he had his little boy back. He came to me a few days ago and said maybe a special school can help Ss more than we can. We both cried and decided to look into schools before deciding. We found a school 4 hours from we are and it has very good testimonials. The tuition is around 60 000 dollars a year, with boarding and food included. Fortunately, we can afford to pay the high price. We need to make some cuts in our spending though. They have a good academic program with certified therapists in the school itself. Every student gets their own room and they can go out to visit on weekends. We will be seeing Ss every single weekend. And they mentioned on their site that they have experience with children of physical abuse. There was no mention of sexual abuse expertise however. That is something my Dh needs to ask in person.

We talked to Ss's new therapist, who has really struggled with getting Ss to talk. He says it is up to us to decide. He did say these schools do help certain kids. The old therapist has always said that we should not send Ss away. That he will heal better with us. And we always trusted her. But it is getting too much to handle. My Dh will be driving there on Saturday to see the facilities. This is our worst nightmare. Ss is going to hate us. And I do not know if he can handle living without my Dh and I. They say we can transfer him for the new semester in January. We have not even mentioned it to Ss. We want to let him "enjoy" Christmas.

I cannot believe it is coming to this. We failed Ss. The school mentioned on the phone that they have the ability to get handlers who can transport an resisting child. How do we stand back and watch strange people take our son from us? We are putting on a happy face for the kids because it is Christmas. But I have never been this sad in a long time.