I feel very uncomfortable about this
The therapist is making us sit in for a session with Ss. I do not feel ok with that AT ALL. I go to therapy myself and I would not anyone there except me. As excepted, we told Ss about it (which was a bad idea, but we wanted him to get used to it) and as expected, he burst into tears. But he didn't fight, object, nothing. He was just crying non-stop. He just went to bed crying.
I hate his new attitude. He may have been difficult before but at least he felt alive. Now he is just a zombie. He really did give up like he said he would. He does whatever anyone wants him to do. Even the teachers are saying he finished two tests completely for the first time. And the therapist is worried about this. He thinks its dangerous for someone to be so passive. It keeps people in the victim cycle. The psychiatrist changed his medication slightly but I don't see any change.
I really want to ell the therapist and my Dh that I want to sit it out. But I'm just going to come across as someone who doesn't care enough about her kid to just sit in for a session. Any tips on how to get out of this?
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Just tell the therapist you
Just tell the therapist you are not comfortable with this and you will not be taking part this time. In time it will be important but right now as he obviously needs more personal time with the therapist.
The therapist cannot MAKE you do anything.
Worst comes to worst, upset stomach and diarrhea and stomach cramps work.
I think that is probably what
I think that is probably what I am going to do. I wonder how my Dh will take it. I think I will REALLY get physically ill from all this stress. No lies needed.
Before I even say anything,
Before I even say anything, if your gut tells you it's not the right time, stick to your guns. Therapists don't know everything!
Did the therapist explain their reasons for including you and your DH in the session? I can see from reading your blogs why you'd be so uncomfortable, but I can also think of a few reasons why the therapist might feel it was helpful. Nothing like first-hand observation to get an idea of how people interact.
The reason I'm bringing it up is a situation I had when I was 13/14. Too much backstory for a blog comment, but the short version is I had been a victim of abuse at the hands of my father, was sent along with my sister to live with relatives (who were incredibly caring, not that I could see it at the time), and I had a horrible attitude, completely warped idea of the world, and a raft of other issues (abandonment, anger, suicidal thoughts, etc). My relatives were also having dreadful issues with their son who went from being an only child to a middle child in an instant. Thankfully it was decided that first I, then my sister, and very quickly all of us would get some help. Things got better after we all started seeing the same therapist, and some of those sessions had all of us or some of us involved. It was really uncomfortable, and I hated it. But really, it wasn't any more difficult than it was when things were stressful at home. But, for us, it ended up being what we needed.
Anyway, as I said - you have to decide for yourself if it is the right time in your situation. Don't let the therapist pressure you or guilt you into doing something you just aren't up for. If they push you and can't give you reasons that YOU feel are adequate, it's time for a new therapist!
Thank you for sharing your
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I know it must have hard. You are a true survivor.
The therapist did state his reasons and they were valid. They really were. But Ss has never let anyone in with him before and his reaction to the news just tells me he despises it. And I don't think I am prepared to hear some of the things. The last thing Ss needs is me crying in the session. I feel like my Dh will be the one guilting me, not the therapist. And we are not entirely happy with this therapist. But he is the best in the field we have here. So getting a new one is not an option
I think I am just going to sit it out and go to the next one. I can't handle this.
***********(((((HUGS)))))****
***********(((((HUGS)))))***********
We can handle what we can handle. Some days we can walk through fire, and others a slight breeze will bowl us over. Take the time you need to, and don't let anyone stop you from taking care of yourself in the middle of all this.
Will your DH listen if you tell him you need to work up to this? I'm guessing that it might have as much to do with you being there for him as it does with you being there for SS. Have you had any time with this therapist solo? Perhaps if you have a session or two by yourself, the therapist can get a better idea of the situation and your part in it, and your DH will see that you are in this together.
And, of course SS is going to abhor having either of you involved in these sessions. Picking through all of this is incredibly embarrassing. Abused kids feel a horrible sense of shame and sometimes conflicting feelings of attraction and affection. He's not going to want you or his dad to see that, and he will feel violated and vulnerable and exposed. But when he realizes that you both have his back anyway, he can begin to come around.
I'll tell you what, seeing my aunt (who, at the time, I hated) break down bawling in one of our sessions had quite the profound effect on me. I saw her as human for the first time, and not some overbearing evil witch who was only out to impose herself on me. I started to respect her because I knew she was hurting, too, and she was doing her best anyway.
Can you just listen in? Not
Can you just listen in? Not necessarily contribute, but take in what is said?
THats the part I am afraid. I
THats the part I am afraid. I am not emotionally ready to listen to some of the orrible things that may come up. I dont want to break down in front of Ss. It will just make him feel worse. I think I am going to argue it that way. That I will just make things worse because I am too emotional.
Is it at all possible to talk
Is it at all possible to talk with the therapist about your reservations/feelings before this event? Perhaps the therapist can give you some more insight on it all before it happens. I do agree tho that you need to feel ok with it first. Best of luck!