Best advice I can give you:

Book yourself a day at the salon. Go get your hair done, a mani and a pedi and a facial.

Leave baby at home with DH.

You will see when you get home that he is capable of dealing with the munchkin and keeping her happy healthy and fed and you will stop feeling the need to do it all and be able to deligate more easily.

Additionally, your nails, hair and face will look great and you will be relaxed (esp if you get a massage as well.)

Your family is right. I was the same way. People told me to rest when the baby sleeps but I didn't listen to them. I didn't get enough sleep or eat enough when I had my first baby. I lost so much weight I was down to a size zero. My health suffered. I was miserable and got so sick I couldn't really enjoy my baby.

Get rest, eat and take care of yourself. You are going to make yourself so sick you won't be able to take care of your baby.

*hugs*

Sorry, I have no mommy guidance. I am a guy and have no desire to ever be a mom. But, as with most things the right place is likely in the middle. You can not take care of everything your daughter needs if you are not taking care of yourself. I would suggest that you adjust your perspective a bit on what mom and DH say and on "this time I get a hand in the decisions and raising process" ... you are one of two people that have any say and only you are the mom. DH certainly has a say and may have other children but he has never been nor will ever be a mom. You, are a mom. You have been a mom to your Skids and now you are your daughter's only mom. Everyone else does not have anything other than an opinion.

Your caution in wanting to watch SD when she holds the baby is also not being over protective. My parents watched me like a hawk when they brougt both of my younger brothers home from the hospital. I was 6 and 8 when they were born. Eventually my parents reined in their caution but I see nothing wrong with you wanting to keep on eye on things in the early days of SD's being a big sis to your DD.

I agree with J.H.W above. Take an afternoon at a spa, relax. Let DH be dad and take care of his baby for a few hours without you. He will do fine, she will be fine and you can relax and get some adjusted perspective.

Congratulations to you and DH on your new daughter. This is a first for both of you. The first you will have together.

Enjoy and take care of yourself.

Take the help when it is offered. The day will come when you will be BEGGING for the help & it won't be available. Sleep and eat. Think about it. What good are you to your baby if YOU are a hot mess.
They aren't as fragile as we think they are. They won't break. Let DH tend to the baby as well, take a long hot bubble bath, light candles, drink a cup of hot tea & play classical music while you soak. You will be refreshed and able to tackle the rest of the day!

My DD23 had a baby 3 months ago. I had the same talk with her. Babies survive a lot more than not changing, feeding, soothing the exact second they need it.

I would give a second thought to your SD though the way you have written about her...but if she seems to really and truly love the baby then let her help too. Sometimes the best birth control is letting these young kids know the reality behind having a baby...the good, the bad, and the sleepless nights.

The advice given is good advice- from the outside looking in. I was an obsessive mom for the first 6 months of both of my kids lives. It is how I felt comfortable. I would tell everyone to shove it. When you are ready, book a massage. Go to a movie. I was a nervous wreck the first few times but it got easier to let go as they got bigger. You will adjust as you are ready. (((Hugs)))

Am I becoming an overprotective obsessive mom
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yes, if you are neglecting your health.

Your family is right honey. With my first I was the same, thought I could do it all, didn't need/want any help. By the time she was a month old I'd put myself in the hospital from exhaustion, dehydration and the flu all at once. I was breast feeding and it wasn't going well. I pumped too. I was bed bound for 3 days sick as a dog and the choice was forced out of my hand. I COULD NOT take care of her I couldn't even stand up.
Luckily it was also 3 days her daddy stepped in and did a fabulous job. I realized she was fine, I got better and I started to ask for help.
With my second I asked for help right away, laid out expectations of support and it was way easier, less exhausting breastfeeding was successful etc. My marriage was a disaster but we rocked raising our kids. We despise each other to this day (okay he despises me I just don't care so it makes me an evil hateful c u next Tues in his eyes) but we still rock raising our kids. You will regret trying to be super mommy, we have family for reason. Your parents raised you and you turned out fine, your DH knows how to deal with a baby and they do not need constantly held nor ran to with every cry. Take a nap. It will be okay to let others help.

-Don't let SD take care of her. It's not safe AT ALL. Don't even think about it.

-You do, absolutely. But if a choice has to be made, ner needs overrun yours.

-You can let people help you if you need it. But if you feel that you don't need help at a certain time, tell them. Not in a snappy way.

-Absolutely, not healthy at all.

-Don't listen to your mom and DH. Everyone is different and "being there" doesn't mean they know how you feel.

"AND YOU WANT THEM TO BOND WITH HER TOO... the more love she gets the happier and healthier she will be."

^^^^^^^^^^This ^^^^^^^^

"I know I need to eat more and sleep more but she comes first and then I can worry about me"

Wrong wrong wrong.

YOU cannot take good care of her if you do not take good care of YOU.

This means letting her dad (he is JUST as capable of looking after her as you are) or your Mother (believe it or not she has a clue as well! shocker I know but she raised you so she's not clueless) Let them take her for a portion of each day if possible while you SLEEP, eat, bathe and relax.

It is the best thing for you, your OH and your mother, but mostly it is what is best for your baby.

Yes, she's yours and you get half the decision making say in how she is raised - but that does not mean you are the only person in the world who can look after her.

Bottom line, if you don't look after yourself as well you cannot be the mother she deserves to have, you will be overtired, weak and not capable of taking care of your baby. As someone else said, putting your NEEDS last to hers all the time will end up in you being sick and you cannot take care of her then.

Your mother knows what she is talking about - so listen to her and be thankful she is there to help.