I'm here to help me feel less alone in dealing with situations that are out of my control. FDH has issues with boundaries when it comes to BM. If I had to narrow it down to one specific thing - I'm here to help learn how to deal with the crazy BM's drama and the affect it has on my FSS.

I found Steptalk when I literaly googled "cant stand my stepsons". I was in the middle of summer hell with them. I find them more than tolerable for long weekends but 3 weeks in a row in the summer is awful!

The first blog I read due to the Google search, was about how the poster ( I dont remember who is was ) likened her SKs to "crack babies rocking back and forth". I couldnt believe a place like this existed! (in a good way!) }:)

Since then the members here have offered advice and, mostly, just a place to finally feel NORMAL about all the madness. Ahhh......

I'm a new member but I've been lurking off and on for about six months. I'm here because I have questions, feelings and concerns and I often "Google" for answers ... One day I just realized that after Googling, I always ended up here, finding the answers, advice or commiseration I need. While I haven’t yet seen another member with my particular situation … I do find many have the same questions and opinions. In short, and repeating what the OP said, I’m here for support.

To keep it short and honest - I am here to complain and to verify that BM is crazy.

I’m honestly here because I have no where (or no one) else to say the things I say here to. In “real life” I feel really forced to put up this perfect little Polly-Homemaker front to my family, co-workers, in-laws, hell… even to DH! But the reality is I’m really scared and in over my head a lot of the time… and this place gives me the freedom to be 100% honest without the fear of misunderstandings or grudges being held.

Even my own mother (who gave me a step father and watched my drama with my birth father and step mother and siblings!!!) isn’t capable of talking with me about some of these issues without throwing the “Well, you KNEW what you were getting into when you married him” card on the table. And that just sucks.

I’m here because I have no where else to turn… and because I’ve really taken a shine to you ladies and gents!

I am here in search of answers to the many questions I face in my stepfamily. I am here to offer my suggestions, thoughts, & opinions, & experiences to others who are searching for answers to the questions they face in their own stepfamilies. I am here to try to understand why the people involved in my stepfamily feel & behave the way they do so that I can try to help my stepfamily reach a point where we can function together better.

I'm here b/c I started out like everyone else here, frustrated and confused and didn;t like my skids and hated the bm. I needed someone to relate to me and situation and get advice. That was 6 years ago but I know this site was not up then I was on second wives but someone from there opened this site. i stepped away from second wives b/c I didn;t have a great relationship with my skids and all i heard was to disengage and I was doing that too much. I left to focus on having a relationship with them and it did work. At the same time my dh was finding his balls and standing up to bm. Now we are in a good place and I came here for the social networking and to help others if they need it. And to tell my story in hopes I can help someone through their tough time and prove that it can be done.

To be honest, I'm here for a rather "Jerry Springer"-like reason. Reading some of the posts here lets me see that I don't have it anywhere near as bad as it could be. I've also learned some very valuable coping skills for the few times a year that my SD is here, and I'm very thankful for that.

I felt so alone before I found this site!! I felt like I was the only one in the world who didn't "like" their step child. I felt like such a horrible person and I had kept all that to myself!! I googled something about step-children and lack of school work and thats how I stumbled upon this site!!

I come to this site everyday! I have it up at work in the back ground and I read posts all day long and sometimes I post.

I feel nothing but support from most posters! Those people that seem to have it all together well I just ignore them because I know they are only fooling themselves!! :?

I feel like a better person these days just because I have a place to go to vent and know that I am not alone with my issues!

In my previous life, I was the stepmother equivalent (we lived together for 10 years, but I never married their father) to two children, aged 12 and 14 when I moved in (and we had full custody of both at that point!) Was it stressful? Yes! Were there misunderstandings? Miscommunications? Hurt feelings? Sure! BM in that situation was (technically, legally, medically) crazy. Fun times!
But, we ALL (me, him, the skids) tried HARD, and overall, it all worked out. I'm still in touch with the kids--and they both turned into fine adults. I'm so proud of both of them.
Current DH is NCP to an 11-year-old girl. She's dreadful. I'm miserable when we're going to have to spend time with her. And, after a year of living with DH, I was quite literally at my wit's end. Dealing with a BM whom EVERYONE (but me!) seemed to believe was entitled to walk into our house whenever she wants. With a spoiled child who has adult spousal status in BOTH homes. With a MIL who quite literally worships BM. And a weak husband who apparently handed over his balls to BM, who allows SD to poke them with sharp pointy sticks whenever she wants.
It was either find a place to vent, to people who will sympathize, empathize, AND try to help....or leave this man and his vile hellspawn forever.

i came here because i can't stand my youngest stepson. i can't talk to my DH to get him to have conversations with his son about the issues i was/am having with him. DH saw it as an attack and i was the one that needed to change because i am the one that owns the problem and there's not going to be a fight every weekend that his kids are with us about the same issues with stepson15. I needed a place to vent and to see if i was the only one having this problem and if my lack of desire for wanting kids was coming out on this kid because he is exactly what i didn't want. I love my Dh and would never think of divorce, but there are weekends when the skids are there that i would just want to disappear rather than be with people I don't enjoy.
i used this site as a diary to vent feelings and i appreciated when people would comment to me because it would get me to rethink about what it was that was truely bothering me. I have become a lot more tolerable of the stepson i was having issues to but i'm not sure if it's because of this sight or the fact that school started and the kids are busy with their social lives again where as in the summer when i found this sight they were at my house nonstop. i have learned the power of disengaging and it is so valuable - never again will i cause myself to have my own pitty parties. i choose how i behave, i choose what i do, i will choose to demand respect or at least courtesy from the stepchildren or i will not choose to help them financially when they ask. i will be their friend if that is what it comes to, but you are nice to friends and you are excited to see/talk to friends. we are not yet friends.

I too googled something like "can't stand my stepchildren" when I was having a lousy week this summer.

For the most part, I have it a lot easier than so many of you. My biggest fear, after being a part of this group, is that my SD's are going to turn into mean spirited adults who resent me for being with their Dad, spending his(my) money etc. It's hard to believe at this point that they will turn out that way, but it has happened to many others here.

This site has both helped me by making me realize that the feelings of resentment I sometimes have are felt by a lot of you.

However, and I think someone else said it; sometimes I feel even angrier about my situation when I read some of the posts. I start to get mad at something I wasn't even angry about before because someone said that we should.

I'm here for a few reasons, depending on the day:
1. To prevent unnecessary venting to my fiance, because I can't stand consuming our time together by talking about BM.
2. To determine my own faults in certain situations...constantly asking "Am I crazy to feel this way?" or "Which route should I take?"
3. To know I'm not alone.
4. And the unanticipated outcome of me being here: I learn on a daily basis that no matter how bad you think it is, there's someone out there with it way WORSE than you and who is handling their situaton way BETTER than you are. It is a place to find sympathy and hope and to learn from other's perpsectives and situations.

I'm here because I wanted advice on how to parent a stepkid. I have no experience with divorce, blended families, etc. No one in my side of the family is divorced. Dh, on the other hand comes from the opposite- his parents divorced (mom twice divorced), grandparents divorced, his mom's new husband is divorced and his parents are divorced as well. But mainly how to parent a stepkid when I have bios too. Then I read posts where people felt the same way as me about their stepkids! I thought my feelings were wrong and here I found others who feel the same way!

I was lonely and really started feeling like I was a crazy woman from not absolutely loving her skids...even through all the horrible things they have done!

I am becoming more educated on this site, more free, more alive than I have felt in a long time...

I'm here because I am pretty sure that I'm going to marry my BF, which would make me SM to his kids. I just want to be aware of what I am getting myself into. I know that the hardest parts have yet to come. Sometimes I worry that as soon as he proposes, a whole tidal wave of shit is going to hit the fan.

The community is also just really addictive, and I like to pop in and out during the workday.

I'm here because I enjoy the company I think I googled something like "hate my husband's exwife" or some such thing. When I first found this site (much longer than I've been a member) I figured out by reading posts that I was misplacing my anger at BM onto my SDs. I was at a point where I couldn't stand their faces because I hated BM and had I not found ST and figured out what I was doing it could have been disastrous. So I started applying my anger where it belongs. Back at BM for being a POS.

And it also makes me feel somewhat better to know that others have much much worse BMs than I do.

Same as others have mentioned. For someone to understand. As a therapist, I feel like I am expected to always have the right answers and sometimes when I have been unable to find the strength to be the "bigger" person dh will throw it in my face "You're a therapist. Is that what you tell your clients to do". Ugh. When I'm at home I'm just me-not a therapist. I was unable to find anyone to relate to-I know a few others that are stepparents but things tend to go pretty smoothly for them (at least it appaears to on the outside perhaps they are really some of you in disguise!)
I am a good, kind, caring person who desires to help all people (hence my profession) but I can't stand my skid! I am looking for confimation that I am not an evil person for feeling this way.
I have tried talking to my mom-who has been with my dad for 50 years and she doesnt get it. When I've complained that ss smells or some other nonsense-she truly doesnt understand why it's an issue. She says, "It's your house too-tell him to shower-it's your responsbility to make sure he's clean." GASP! She's actually told me that I had to be responsible for him. (I was for many years willingly until everyone turned on me).

me, too, maux..

"I find it interesting who HAS NOT responded."

i was 99% certain the trolls wouldn't honestly respond when i read the header... but we'll see if or how long it takes them to concoct a post.....

and, AD, i am tickled pink that you appreciate my "scientific" skid diagnosis!!

i found st when i was looking for someone to help me understand WHY i couldn't stand the skids....

once i found st, i realized i am not alone. i stay b/c i have come to think of many speeps as my friends. we don't do lunch, but i value their opinions and insight......and they get my humor }:)

like alot of Step Parents on this site, in my real life I have nobody to share my thoughts with. My DW is the only one that I can discuss all this Step Parenting thing with and of course it doesn't satisfy my sanity. Once I found this site and started to read about eveybodies comments, advice and experiances, I said man, this is for me. I use this site to keep me in my marriage and to stay sane. I can release all my thoughts and be completely honest about them to others that understand exactly what I am going through. That alone has lowered my blood presure to where I can now see straight. Knowing that I am not the only one going through the same shit day after day is such a release that now, I have an appetite even in front of the disrespectful SS17. Sex with my DW has even gotten better. So joining this site has allowed me to deal with everything that is going on with this Stepping thing. It helps me understand why somethings happpen where as before it was like "What The F**k". I now get some type of reciprocation vs reading a book or listening to the radio talk show or watching the Dr Phil show.

I turned to STalk when I needed help. Now that I'm in a better place, I'm trying to return the favor.

FOr me it was simply googling stepparent and blended family forums/support. I was having issues with the bf's D and her constant fighting with my youngest son (step-sibling rivalry). I also was also trying to get a better understanding of what my bf was dealing with with his crazy ex-wife. She till this day continues to try and control his life, his visitation and he had completely disengaged from her but still she always gets his way with him. As my dealings w/my exh were so different I wanted to better understand his position and what I should do to back him up while not interferring and losing myself in the process.

This blended family issue was a new one to me for sure. I'm from an intact family-so is my bf. Prior to this neither of us had been in relationships long enough to bring blending in as an option. It's definately daunting territory.

I found this site when I googled "spoiled step child". I love that I have someplace to go and find that "my situation" is tame compared to others. Some days steptalk is like crack and I cant get enough of it!

OMG! You wonderful people! I thought I was so alone. I googled "I can't relate to my stepdaughter" today and this is where I ended up. It's like I wrote ALL of these posts. did I? (I have been in a fugue state recently. There is so much stress in my house.) Naw...I didn't....I could've though! It's like a weight came off my chest when I realized I wasn't being a mean old biddy. My feelings are actually valid. This stepmom thing is tough!

I'm here, Poisonivy, b/c I was at a very low point in my marriage (over a year ago) & I was entertaining thoughts of divorce due to Baby-Mama-Drama & my DH's inability to gain control & put his 2-exgfs & his teenage daughter from hell in their places. At that point, I just wanted out & my gf told me about this site & suggested that I take a look. I'm glad I did b/c the members on this site have been instrumental in helping me to work through the hell I faced on my end & I truly thank God for all of the members here & for their candor. Hubby & I, with the help of our loving minsiter, worked through our challenges and we're stronger in our marriage despite all the drama. Between my DH's exgf's and his daughter, they were extremely angry that he entered the world of matrimony & his son's BM became enraged at the mere fact he married me (displaced anger) b/c she had gone down on her knees twice asking my DH to marry her, to no avail. DH, said marriage was never a place he desired to be or even entertained the thought until he met me . . . so I guess BM feels as though I'm a winner & she's a loser. Needlessly to say she continues to the nth power to maintain a wedge between SS11 & DH (she doesn't want the child to have anything to do with DH as a punishment to my hubby for not marrying her). Can you say, dysfunctional? Well, I'll stop here but they were my reasons for being here on steptalk. I'm much stronger now & I don't frequent steptalk as much as I did last year but I surface from time to time to check in on everyone. However, these past few days I've been inclined to check in more often.

My very first blog was this in April of 2009:

Hi there... I'm not completely new here, but this is my first time writing a blog. Does anyone have the problem where H does not want to confront the ex because of the affect on SD? My husband and I have a great relationship, but we are carrying all of BM responsibilities. Counselor told us we need to assert our rights for our own relationship good, if just to make BM take care of her own commitments, but H keeps stalling. He says it's money or that SD could hear it from BM and BM family - which is true, unfortunately. But I'm tired of feeling like our life is 2nd so BM can just do whatever she wants... I know he doesn't love her.... he can't stand her - I can't either...but I don't know why he just won't lay it on the line with her. I don't even think it would do any good... she's in that much of la-la-land... but it would make me feel better... (end of first blog)

Since then BM has stayed true to form... I have gotten angrier to some extent but also much much stronger ... My DH has completely taken the road of standing up to BM because he learned through counseling that it is helping NOT HURTING SD to do so, and SD is still living with us, but in a much happier, much better state. I have been able to seek out support and help.

I've learned that I'm not as crazy as I thought. And have made some great friends along the way.

Selfishly, I also want to say that I stay here because a few people have said "thank you" from time to time for writing. It made me feel that my sh*tty experiences weren't all for nothing, and that we can all help each other.

I'm here b/c I have no FRIENDS. I have one sister whose ear I talk off almost every day; she lives in a different state.

I'm here b/c I said "I do" before really analyzing what my future could be like.

I'm here b/c I love my DH and I want to make it with him.

I'm here b/c my DH sometimes makes me crazy with his enabling behaviors.

I'm here b/c my depression about what seems to be a helpless living situation overwhelms me.

I'm here b/c I need to know that I'm not the only BM with skids who knows what young people can do, how they can manipulate a situation, and that I have a right to be happy.

I'm continue to come here b/c sometimes I feel like my opinion may help others; even if I can't help myself.

I found the site when I was searching for blended family support. Being a stepparent is the hardest thing I've ever done. And coping with constant baby mama drama has been emotionally and physically draining. I allowed her actions to affect my relationship with my husband and the peace in my house.

I love that I can read the stories of others who have found ways to deal with all the challenges associated with blending two families. And I hope I can share the insights I've learned through my own experiences. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would do so many things differently. I do know one thing. I brought an awful lot of the drama on myself.

I don't have it all together. And I'm pretty sure I never will. But I do respect and adore my husband. And I love our children. I guess my reason for being on the site is to learn from those who are further along in this journey than am I. And maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get to help those who are just starting out avoid some of the mistakes I made along the way.

I came here in June because I have no one in my life who deals with what I deal with - I had a question regarding SS and braces - I was flamed by a few posters got me nervous - almost left then thought to myself I am not going to let some nameless person take away my one avenue of sanity and I am glad that I had that attitude - I have since met a lot of great people and feel that I am no longer alone in this thing we call Step Parenthood - I have learned so much and also learned from a select few how the other side thinks and it has helped me deal with my own psycho BM - so while these people thought they were putting me down or making people feel like shit it actually helped me learn more tools to beat BM at her own game - so I thank all of you BM's who try to come on here as SM's it gives me great insight into the mind of crazy and how I can beat it and overcome the obstacle of crazy.

Well, I came upon this site by GToogling "how to deal with a crazy ex-wife."

I am here to work out my issues with Sparenting and Blended family life in order to keep as much of the strain as I can away from my relationship with my wife and son (SS).

This has been a God send for me and even my bride has found the support I get here to be positive.

She purposely does not participate on S-Talk so that I have a place to come to vent that is a free word zone.

I think I googled 'how to deal with crazy ex' or something like that.

I'll never forget that first few hours. I read and read and read. I read aloud to my SO and to my DD17. I was amazed.

This place was a real life saver for me.

Thanks everyone.

Family life is constantly evolving as children grow, relationships develop and situations change. I don't think many people 'have it all together' on a permanent basis, and we all need help and advice and the reassurance of common experience at one time or another.

Certainly some people are having a more positive experience of step parenting than others, due to a variety of factors including how pro-active and engaged the bio parent partner is, how reasonable the BM is, how well brought up and nice the SKids are, and how positive and constructive the step parent is. I think people at all places on the scale are entitled to be here. There does seem to be a body of thought that believes that everyone who tries to see things from the step childs point of view, or has something good to say about step parenting, is a closet BM. I think this underestimates the capacity for empathy in many step parents. It also underestimates the benefit that seeing the other side can have in trying to understand SKids feelings and behaviour, and resolve situations and alleviate frustration, as an alternative to just venting the anger.

There are some people who seem to lie in wait waiting for someone to post something exasperated and cross about their SKids so they can lynch them, and others who seem to lie in wait for someone to post something sensitive and empathetic about SKids or their bio parents so they can lynch them!

I am primarily here because I am in a particularly stressful situation with my SD14, who are recently moved in with us and has been experiencing some serious emotional problems. I wanted to vent the anxiety this is causing me and find advice on how to handle the situation. So I joined for help and support in step parenting my SD to the best of my ability, and to let out some of the frustration and stress.

I came to ST not because of SD, because of BM.

From my first blog: "SD12 is a good kid... She's sweet, and innocent, and loving" And then I listed the negatives. Of those, she has resolved every single one of them, just by growing up for a couple years.

BM still chaps my ass, although she's NOWHERE near as bad as most people's BMs. I hate that her piss-poor financial decisions have an impact on MY life.

I was glad to see that there were people who understand where I'm coming from.

I found this site 2+ yrs ago when my dh's youngest daughter decided she was going to live with us - even though we had no room for her and no money to support her. My dh has 5 kids, and he felt like he wanted one last try to save her from her mother's toxic tribe. Well, too late for that. It was a disaster. I was finishing my doctorate, flying all over the country for my business, isolated from my own daughter who stayed back east while we made this stupid temporary move west and totally, completely violated in my own home by this 17 y/o. I needed to feel some sort of community where this craziness was not just all in my head and my home.

We are back east now, licking our wounds and trying to heal, still dealing with these 5 kids (and now grandbabies, too). The issues are a bit less inflammatory, the skids are getting oriented to the reality that Daddy's bottomless checkbook is now empty, and we are just moving forward as best we can.

I agree with the theme of having space here to not take it all out on dh, and of hearing others strategies and solutions for similar adult sk situations. And I think it's great to see when there's space for confusion to grow into coherent solutions thanks to positive interactions.

I am here because this is the only place I feel I can go to find the support I need as a step-parent. I find myself spending a great deal of time here and don't feel bad about it at all. I, also like other posters, get reassurances that my life isnt as bad as it could be and support from women and sometimes men that have been in my situation before. This is the next best thing to church for me.

Hi!am new n am from kenya but it doesn't change the fact
That bm is hell.....and she's using her kids to break my
Marriage lol like I wud sit fold my hands and let it happen
I SAY BRING IT ON!!u don't know crazy ill show u crazzzzyyyy

I Googled "can't bond with my step-children" & it led me to that massive thread "can't stand my step-daughter". I was very unhappy with my step situation at the time, and this site allowed me to vent that frustration here rather than bottling it up like I normally do & avoiding dealing with it while pretending to feel like I was part of a "family".

In the months since I've been a member here, I've finally begun to accept the fact that it is my MARRIAGE that is the problem, and not necessarily just the "step" situation, and I've now begun to devise my exit strategy, which I'm convinced is in the best interest of everyone involved, even if they can't appreciate that at the time.

i think i googled "problems with stepkids" or something like it. i felt very alone for a long time and was really beginning to feel like i could not do this anymore. i had stayed silent so long, out of love for dh, but it was driving me into a serious depressed and resentful state. steptalk really turned things around for me-not only did i feel like someone actually understood what i was going through, but i got a lot of helpful advice and support as well. our situation still is far from perfect, but at least i am DOING something about it.

I liked the idea of posting my first blog (thanks, Stick). So, here you go. This is how I found ST. But, now, I'm in a completely different relationship, and he has a kid, so I stay.

Submitted by anabihibik on Tue, 07/15/2008 - 11:10pm.

I love my fiance (sorry, new will learn abbreviations eventually), but we hit a rocky point. Well, more like what seems like a bottomless pit. In the early stages of our relationship, he cheated once. I don't really care to have to defend him again. I'm sick of doing it. He is really a good man, he just was a total moron for one night. His (married)ex and the queen of manipulation (he gets blamed for his half) and he hooked up one night. She claimed to be on the pill when the condom broke, but how you have fraternal twins on the pill, I don't know. Anyway, she's crazy. I still love him. He's been awesome about working on trust stuff and going to couple's therapy and his own therapy. I still want to marry him. I can survive the idea of being a stepmom in theory. I love babies (they're 6.5m old). But, so far, he's gotten to see them a total of 8 hours of their life. I'm not allowed to meet them until I "know my place." We had to take her to court so he could see them because dad could have been one of three men. She's horrid. I can't get into everything because I'll end up throwing up. Do courts seriously see through the bs? Will she ever get called on the carpet and made to cooperate? I was really hoping she'd be in for coparenting. Can't trust a word out of her mouth, though. Seriously, he doesn't discuss me with her and cuts her off when she tries to bring me up. Yet, all nurses are stupid (I'm a nurse), and I just want to try to "play mommy." I know it's jealousy and bitterness that she didn't get to manipulate what she wanted out of my fiance (she proclaimed her love for him 3m ago and said they should build their family together), but does it get better? I go between hating her and pitying her. Her mother is from the same rotten tree from what my fiance's mom said from the one time she met her. That woman had the gall to say I was disrespectful for telling her daughter that I take offense to the mom's question of whether or not he was going to do the right thing by marrying her daughter and making it a 'proper' family. Mind you, she's still legally married to the husband. I think I need a hug. I feel like curling into a ball and giving up. I'm not usually one to back away from a challenge, but this seems like the neverending emotionally traumatizing battle. Not just for me, but for the babies. What kind of mom seriously wants to emotionally traumatize their kids? How can parents really think they are doing "what's best" for their kids by doing this parent alienation thing? I get sick almost every day from the anxiety of "what if they hate me when they get older?" "when are they old enough to hear the truth if they spew lies she tells them?" "what do I say to 'you're not my mom, I don't have to listen to you?'" I feel so bad for my fiance because he's not excited to be a dad and that's not how it's supposed to be. He is so upset that he's missing out on so much with them. The twins were born at 26 4/6 week gestation. They just got put on O2 from all the time to only at night, and BM (funny that that coincides with bowel movement by the way) is claiming the pediatrician said he should only see them for .5-1 hour at a time 2x a week to minimize infection risk. Seriously, if they are that sick, why did she have an announcement party two months ago with thirty people in her house? Why did she take them to her former work place to show them off? Good thing we meet with the pediatrician tomorrow. Seriously, I need a hug.