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How far is too far?

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 10:47am

I have posted something along these lines before, just hoping to get some insight this time:

How far would be too far for SOs to travel for EOW visitation without staying overnight or for the weekend?

Comments

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 10:55am

Let me make myself a little more clear:

If in order to have visitation, DH had to drive 400 miles one way EOW, how would you handle the situation? Visitation beginning on Friday evening and Skids having to be returned to BM on Sunday by 1 pm.

stepmom-at20's picture

Submitted by stepmom-at20 on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 10:56am

If he has to end up staying over night it is to far then BM needs to meet half way I dont believe that one parent should always do all the traveling

mamacat_30's picture

Submitted by mamacat_30 on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 11:21am

I agree! We live maybe 20 minutes from the kids, but we still make BM meet us half way. Maybe it's petty, but we got tired of picking them up and dropping them off at her every little whim. It's one of my little victories! Smile

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 11:23am

BM will simply refuse...

We've actually had this discussion before when they were living even closer and she flat out said NO...

Her aim is to make things as inconvenient as possible for DH (us).

iwishyouwould's picture

Submitted by iwishyouwould on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 11:07am

That, for me, would be ridiculous. It would strike me as a play by bm to attempt to get SO to see the kids less often by making it so inconventient. Im a stickler for the courts - I would take it to court, ask that bm have to meet half way or provide transit for the kids like a train or commuter plane each time. I would then say that if she does not want to do that then she should be responsible for paying for a hotel room for SO. I cant imagine how exhausting that would be not only for SO but also for the kids to be in the car that long. The farthest I would go, personally, without feeling the need to stay over night would be an hour or two TOPS... and with small children in the car.. knock that down to an hour.

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 11:18am

I agree and not to mention Dh having to be at work early Monday morning AND having to stay at ahotel in another city twice a month for two days!

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 1:09pm

Usually the courts will make the person who moved either drive the kids back to the non-custodial parent, go half way, or decrease the child support payment for the cost for the NCP to visit the children. Have you guys tried to take it to court for a modification?

anabihibik's picture

Submitted by anabihibik on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 12:23am

I haven't finished reading down the page, but you should check into taking her to court. This wouldn't go over well.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 11:28am

400 miles is ridiculous. What is in the court order? She might not be able to move that far. And it really sucks for the kids that she is doing this to hurt DH.

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 11:36am

We've been down that road, as well. All that's required is that she gives notice of intent to relocate as long as it is within the US. We filed a petition to stop her last year and the judge ruled in her favor because they were moving for her new husband's job and his is the only income in the household.

HaveHadIt's picture

Submitted by HaveHadIt on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 11:34am

In Michigan, you cannot move a child further than 100 miles unless both parties involved agree to it.

I just had a friend who stopped the BM of his 1 year old son from moving 150 miles away.

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 11:52am

Once again, Maux,

spot-on...the move will be effective as of August. For the past year, however, he has only seen them during the summer and at Christmas because she moved across the country with the kids.

The whole situation sucks. SS10 has been in a different school for 4 years straight and mind you this is not a military family. DH is coming to terms with a lot of things right now and this is not going to help at all.

We calculated 2 hours and 45 minutes if he's speeding...one way. Too much. So,now, I am trying to figure what other arrangements can be made. Maybe once a month visitation?

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 4:11pm

poisonivy, sounds like SD14 from the ages of 7-13. (5 different schools) Meanwhile, DH spent 2004-2010 in one town in NC.

BM squawks "It's not MY fault you live in NC!!" (DH is military) and places the entire travel cost of SD14 on DH. Funny though, when they split they were living in Georgia, and BM fled the state (went to Louisiana) with SD; placing her beyond EOW or any other reasonable visitation distance.

StepX2's picture

Submitted by StepX2 on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 12:11pm

I was trying to google Alabama family law on visitation travel expenses to see if AL had drastically different laws than CA regarding this. Nope. If mom is the one moving children further away, she needs to be held financially responsible for costs.
Your DH should be able to have a new visitation schedule written up, maybe one where he has more time, less often? Mom should not have been allowed to move his children that far away to begin with.

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 12:57pm

The judge'e decision is based on the best interest of the children and Alabama is notorious for siding with the mothers. So, it was decided that its in the children's best interest to be moved away instead of full custody given to DH.

Longer visits with us would mean that they would be subjected to changing schools even more frequently than they do now and that would not be good, especially for SS10 who is struggling with social skills.

anabihibik's picture

Submitted by anabihibik on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 12:25am

But, wouldn't the court see that living with you and DH would mean less school changes than moving for their stepdad's job?

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 1:01pm

You'd think....

but as I said before, Alabama is notoriously Pro-BM...we'd have to prove her unfit beyond a shadow of a doubt.

JustAnotherSM's picture

Submitted by JustAnotherSM on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 1:54pm

After I graduated college, DH moved with me to a city about 2 hours away from SS. DH worked with BM to change visitation from EOW to every other EOW (CO stated reasonable visitation so no issues there). Those were very long weekends and it seemed like most of our quality time with SS was spent in the car. I also got my first speeding ticket trying to get SS to our home as quickly as possible one weekend. I hated that he had to spend Friday nights sleeping in the car.

In my opinion, anything over 2 hours away is too far to travel every weekend. I think it's appalling that the courts find this move acceptable.

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 1:57pm

Thanks, guys for all your input. I was pretty sure that I wasn't the only one who would think that's a bit much for EOW. We'll figure it out...

we always do.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 07/20/2010 - 2:02pm

Many jurisdictions consider EOW/EOWE visitation to be in place when the BioParents live within 200 miles of each other.

Anything more than 200 miles usually results in a long distance visitation schedule rather than EOW/EOWE.

We have never lived closer than 1500 miles to BioDad and the SpermClan so we have never had to deal with our son (my SS) visiting the SpermClan EOW/EOWE.

The Skids schedule has always been 5Wks Summer/1Wk Winter/1Wk Spring break. Though it was slightly higher before he started school.

MHO is that 200 miles is on the extreme edge of reasonableness. 150 would be about right IMHO.

Regardless of distance the visitation transportation should be split by the BioParents. Each should be responsible for getting the kid to their location whether that means meeting half way or NCP picking the kid(s) up and taking them to the NCP home for visitation and CP picking the kid(s) up and returning them to the CP home after visitation.

Though the meet half way option is certainly most reasonable IMHO.

IMHO of course.

Best regards.