What is reasonable for kids chores?? 9yr old boy and 10 yr. old girl
We have come to the table on several occasions (bio mom and bio dad and I) to address this issue.Dad always agrees that they should be responsible for a few things around the house as does mom, however I am the only one trying to reinforce this and when I do I am looked at as a tyrant and screamed at that I am "ALWAYS ON THEM". Mind you their only chores are SS9 is to vacuum the basement stairs and help with their laundry and SD10 does her laundry and just normal stuff like cleaning up after themselves. There are no REAL chores.I've asked 50 times that they not put clothes on the basement floor and they cannot manage to even do that. So the other day my hose fell out of the laundry sink and spewed all over the floor and of course a giant pile of laundry that they put on the floor, that should have been done weeks before is now soaked . Now I am the bad guy because I freaked out a little and told their mother and father if they put clothes on the floor again I will be putting them in their beds and then they can wash their sheets too. Is it not ridiculous that they are not required to do ANYTHING???? So after my freak out (the kids were with her when this happened) Bio mom sent a message to bio dad that the kids did not want to come over because there are too many chores here! I was stunned and now dad is no longer on my side and told me yesterday " leave us alone we are not doing anything today" and if the kids want to come here 5 days and do nothing that is what they will do.
I have been the one who makes home made food daily, packed their lunches, took them to school,did homework, helped with the science projects, tried to involve them in programs at the Y (SD is 35 lbs overweight) take them shopping ,reinforce reading with SS who has trouble with that etc... and now I have to sit back and let them do whatever they want? Mind you they are here at least 50% of the time , I don't know what to do 
over the weekend SS and SD spent the entire weekend in their rooms watching television and playing video games (we agreed the 4 hrs a day would be the limit during summer that only happens if I say something) they don't even go outside!
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If DH doesn't want them to
If DH doesn't want them to contribute, then I would suggest that you stop contributing as well. Eventually he will see that everyone has to pitch in or everything will fall apart. Simple as that.
Sounds like you need to
Sounds like you need to disengage, been there, done that.
SD was 8 and didn't want to come anymore because we make her empty the dishwasher and clean her room and BM doesn't.
BOO HOO HOO!
And what did Daddy do, he handled her with kid gloves and didn't make poor precious do anything and while the other kids did chores (all older) she got to have fun sleep over parties and not do anything, she didn't have to follow LOTS of rules after that stunt, she even got to stand up in the boat while we were driving without her life vest on while all the older kids had to sit with life vests, NO RULES APPLIED.
I opted out after that for a while, I only asked DD to empty the dishwasher, and then the tears from SD started ALL over again!
See we pay for chores (1.00 a chore) so then SD cried to Daddy about how the wicked step mother doesn't have her empty the dishwasher now and DD is making all the money.
I think you need to stop, like your DH said, STOP taking care of his kids, not your monkeys not your circus, let their clothing ROT on the floor till your DH gets to cleaning it up!
There is currently a load of
There is currently a load of wet clothes in the washer 6 days old!!! I'm losing it!!!
Let it rot, I hear your
Let it rot, I hear your situation, I've been there...Many times.
But you can't enable him to dump it on you.
I would say something to the effect of "Hey, I want to wash my black dress skirt, can you let me know when you switch over the kids laundry please, I'd like to use the machine"
But your not the nanny, his "kids" won't help, thats his choice.
You both live there 50/50, he should be doing 50% of the house work and 100% of the care for the kids.
Everything, every little tiny speckle of what you do for those kids is a FAVOR to him that he should appreciate everything, your NOT obligated to take care of his children.
They always dump everything
They always dump everything on me because I only work 3 days per week. They moved into MY home that I managed to pay off so I don't have to work full time. When they divorced they lost their house because BM was irresponsible. I'm so sick of just because I'm available I am the one who has to take them but I'm not allowed to really raise them??? If they were mine SD would not be obese and SS would have interests other than TV!!!! They are kids not BABIES he treats them like BABIES!!!
Thank you Sally ! I have
Thank you Sally ! I have thrown countless things in the trash , it's just so frustrating and then I start to question myself . I can see the future with SD and attitude issues and it's only going to escalate , I only wanted to instill some good habits for their future.
I have tried several times
I have tried several times printing out chore lists from the internet and it hasn't worked. One time SS had a sleepover and in the morning his little friend came upstairs and said " I have to go home to do my chores" Bio dad had an epiphany and said ok kids time to do your chores ! I almost choked , excuse me??? WHAT CHORES???? your children don't have chores!!!
I once asked them to pull some weeds for me out of the landscaping , they come right out no big deal. I had torn my ACL and couldn't bend down their father stopped them from doing it.
Chores? For skids? What ARE
Chores? For skids? What ARE those?
Yeah, I gave up on that last year. If they don't do something then DP has to do it. I don't touch any "chore" type things the skids could do.
me either! I assign my bios,
me either! I assign my bios, I DO NOT assign the skids, well SS I will, but NOT SD, she starts crying and screaming at others and slamming doors and "playing the victim" and DH lets her slide with it all.
Hell no, bios can do chores and earn rewards.
Exactly. SD9 is pretty good
Exactly. SD9 is pretty good with helping out but as SD11? TANTRUM. DP will avoid asking her to do anything at all. I think he's scared of her. Fine, be that way then and you can deal with her from now on. Which I force him to do.
This. It's hard! But it
This. It's hard! But it will save your sanity.
I have to walk by crap all the time when SDs are over. I have to cook dinner sometimes around piles of stuff on the counter. I will not touch it.
Anything left empty in the cupboard? It stays and doesn't get replaced. Or, if I cannot handle it any longer, empty whatever gets thrown into the middle of the kitchen floor.
Water pitcher in fridge empty again? I do not fill it. I have my own water.
Sheets need washing? I don't do anything unless sheets in the laundry room. I don't do anyone's laundry unless it's located IN the laundry basket. Not behind it, next to it or in the vicinity.
I throw LOTS of things away. I throw shoes onto the deck. I have been known to throw a trash can down the sidewalk and to permanently glue things down or tape them up.
I think you should kick ALL
I think you should kick ALL the assholes out of your home - including the big one. He sounds like a total user/loser.