I am very new to the world of step-children, in fact, I'm not even a step-parent. Two months ago I met a wonderful man (online if you can believe it!!) who has two children from a previous marriage, a girl - 12 and a boy - 19.

I've spent quite a bit of time around the daughter and she is a wonderful, bright, funny child. I've met the son twice and he seems like a good guy as well. I guess I'm lucky (especially after reading some of the posts in the forums here) the children seem to like me and I haven't had any problems there (yet and hopefully never).

The ex-wife is a completely different story. I've not met her and she seems to have no interest at all in meeting me. Her treatment of her ex-husband and daughter has been horrid thus far especially when it comes to me participating in the daughter's interests. She threatens to not show up and support the girl if I am also in attendance, she threatens to ask for more child support, she threatens to ship the daughter to her father's house if she doesn't get her way (which I think is a wonderful idea quite honestly)

The latest threat is concerning her daughters cheerleading competition. She sent a text message to my guy saying, "Just so we're clear you are attending competition alone right?" after he told her that one of the daughter's friends actually invited me to come, she responded with, "If she comes, you'll pay."

I definitely have a hard time understanding how someone can be so callous regarding someone she has never met (me). I think if I was in her position and saw that my ex (ex of 4 years, no less) was happy with someone new ... someone my children seem to like who isn't resentful of the time their father spends with them, who understand that the children need to come first and someone who is willing to be an active participant in the lives and well-being of my children... I think I would be grateful and happy that there is yet another person who is willing to help mold my child(ren) into a well-rounded adult(s).

I'm not in her head so I have no idea what the issue is and I would really like to speak to her and give her a chance to see that I am a good person. My self-worth does not depend on this but if we could find some common ground and have peace, that would be ideal.

I fear this will never happen and it's upsetting that the daughter has been stuck in the middle of it all. She's not my child but I have to say it makes me so angry to see her cry because her mother is raging at her because of me and because the mother has pretty much said that a 12 year old girl has to choose between her father's girlfriend and her biological mother.

I realize that the exes goal may be nothing more than an attempt at chasing me off by causing as much drama as she possibly can. I admit that over the past couple of weeks I've wondered if I shouldn't step out of their lives just to give father and daughter some relief. This feeling doesn't come from a place in me that doesn't want to deal with the drama but from a place that says that someone has to be the adult in this situation. I'm not going to do that though. Aside from not wanting to give her the satisfaction, I really like this man and his children and I really want this relationship.

I don't have children of my own so I can't even begin to fathom what is going on inside the exes head but I think I can safely say that I wouldn't even dream of taking my anger about my ex dating someone new out on my own flesh and blood.