My Current Fantasy
I really hope that bio-mom is lurking on this site. Maybe she will see herself and think what a nut case, then take a closer look and see herself and see that she reeps what she has sown. And then takes action to improve herself.
The happy ending of course is that she can start to heal so that dh's and mine family can move on and try to raise 5 well adjusted kids and offer them an example of what is a healthy relationship.
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RE:
I oftentimes wonder what BM would think if she heard my story and didn't know it was me. Would she be thinking to herself, "What a nutcase, what has that poor woman done to deserve all that crap except fall in love with someone?" I wonder if she would think that "BM" was a psycho b*$&%, without realizing that it's actually her. Not that I would wish this on anyone but I think it would be poetic justice for her or someone she cares about to be caught up in a situation like this. That way she could witness firsthand the fear, anger, and frustration that she's put me through. I wonder how she'd feel if the tables were turned? If I knew I wouldn't be arrested I'd love to do some of the things that she's done to me, just to see how she'd feel...
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
HEE HEE-ME TOO!
It will all come back around, it just takes longer than we'd like! And remember there is a 'time limit' on this. You don't have to deal with her forever (I mean not like you do now!)
When the children are grown, it'll be different
(is that just 'wishful thinking'?)
Aloha, MJ
my fantasy is not to cast a
my fantasy is to cast a spell on biomom to disappear forever.
-happy mom
Not me!
I don't want my husband's ex to disappear forever, because then I'd be stuck raising her maladjusted, totally screwed up, sickeningly materialistic kids full-time. No, I just want her to stay far away where I can't see her, hear her or have to deal with her. My only wish would be for the child support to be a little more reasonable and for the kids to take more of an interest in having a relationship with their dad, my hubby. We used to live four hours away from her and it was hell. Now we are like fourteen hours away and we can finally relax a little. As soon as we moved up here, I was finally able to take the first deep breath since my marriage to my husband.
~ Anne ~
Amen to that
DH thinks the ideal situation is that we have the kids full time--WTF is he thinking. At least now I get a mini break, except we spend most of that time searching for coping strategies.
Double Amen to that!
As I was reading that, I was laughing, at the end I was like, 'amen to that' then I saw your comment! DITTO TO BOTH!!!!!!!!!! OMG, gotta have that 'light at the end of the tunnel'.
Aloha, MJ
I often share this fantasy...
However, I've learned that they (the psycho BM's-have to preface it w/that, cause I'm a BM too...) don't see themselves for who/what they really are; even if they were to unknowingly read about themselves in one of our blogs.
Case in point: My husbands ex has been married to her 4th husband for 5 years. His ex is supposedly completely unreasonable (BM describes her husbands ex as we describe my husbands ex-TO US!)
Are you still w/me? I'm sure tons of you have seen the 'what comes around goes around' in your situations...except it's not quite as satisfying, when they seriously DON'T GET IT! Almost everything that my husbands ex has done to us, said to us, said about us is now happening to her via her husband's ex, and she doesn't even see it.
At all.
WOW.
I thought it would be more gratifying to see her get 'bit' back, but it just contributes to her 'poor me' always the victim persona. It seems to validate her (to herself) like: "see, how mean and awful the world is? See how unfairly and poorly I am treated?"
Please share some juicy 'what goes around comes around' stories!
You guys are great, I feel so much better after venting and receiving response, thanks for the support!
Aloha, MJ
Well
This is Happy..
And this is what I would want..
I would like her to become involved with someone so she would leave my husband alone and stop bringing up there past..
I would like for GOD to grant her the strength to become independent when it comes to issues at her house..
I would like her to stop trying to interfere in my relationships with SK so that they do not feel so much angerness at me for her mistake..
I wish she would quit whining about not making it on her own.
I wish and hope that when my SD is out of High School she really does move to Minnesota by her parents..
I wish she would stop trying to act like she is so perfect.
And last but not least quit thinking her kids are so perfect when they honestly almost can't wipe there own asses.. Because they have never had to be responsible for anything, or anything they have ever done its always someone elses fault..
Does that sum it up..
Ah the Blame Game
I am so sick of the " I am the victim" game. The x has it and has passed the gene onto the SKIDS. Every time the skids pull it, I play the 20 question game with them until I force them to see they are the cause of the situation; SS, my bilolgy teacher is a bad teacher, today we got a worksheet for homework, and I asked if we could use I book.. she says what do you think (good answer, he doesnt do his homework and is failing--he should know--yes use the book). Then he says the worksheet is for one unit and they have a test on the other unit the next day. I said well did you ask the teacher to clarify.. no the bell rang, okay so bell rang and you followed along like a lemming without getting clarification? He says well yes, I say go get your book. I'll show you where to find the info.. he says I forgot my book at school. I say so this is really about you making excuses as to why you did not bring your book home right.. right.. right..?? NO
re: current fantasy
ok....i want all of you to buy the book "the female brain" and study it, read it, like the bible. not that it will fix BM, but that it will bring some kind of peace to your minds. i read it, and loved it!!! let's face it, underneath we're all a little wacky when it comes to our kids....we have this bond with them and this protective nature that was given to us for a good reason. it can just get a little out of hand once divorce and step-parents come into the picture. trust me, i'm not making excuses for the psycho BMs of the world...especially when most of you sound like me and try so hard to be fair and kind and take the high road. but this book will at least give a scientific explanation for the female hormonal roller coaster that we are all on!!! and maybe, if at all possible, help us to understand BM so that we can not take some of her insanity personal. I hope it helps, even if it's just a little.....we all need every ounce of help we can get when dealing with blended families.
Astrology Works Too!
there are some terrific and credible sites out there. Even a skeptic might come around when faced with the desperation that comes with the blending of families. I did one on DH's ex and spooky--but you need their DOB, location of birth and Time of birth. I did a compatability report between her and I.. woo hoo.. I now know her buttons!!
I agree that whormones, err hormones play a part, yet like anything else you need to be self aware and and take control of yourself. Being blinded by, hurt, greed and jealousy (any of those ugly feelings) can supercede all rationale.
re: astrology
you really should chat with monikai on this one....she is actually a dear friend of mine and is big on astrology....she's given me quite a few insights as well. funny how acurate it can be!
re: astrology
she's actually using "monica68"....sorry.
Thanks for the references
it sounds like you have tried (is trying) to use reason to understand what makes the biomom respond the way she does. It's so frustrating. I have not given up-- I really believe if I can figure what makes her tick I can then adjust my behavior accordingly. Lately, I have been pushing both my DH's and her darkside bottons, hoping it will get them to face what it is they need to fix so at the very least the kids will not have to deal with their parents baggage.
I'm home!
Oh my Gosh....I feel like I've found a group of sisters here...I have felt and thought ALL these things about BM~ that she would disappear, that she will go through what she put me through, that I would cast a
binding negativity spell on her and she would have an epiphany of humanity. I agree though that the way things are right now, she probably wouldn't change even if the shoe were on the other foot! I've always been into astrology, the strange thing is that we seemed to be generally compatible for all those years. What I'd like to know is what happened?