Living Apart Together Or Quits?
Hi everyone!
New here and in need of some advice. My fiancé and I both had two daughters when we met and we both accepted each other and things were smooth. As time passed we had a few hiccups once we moved together (he would have anger probs, name calling, out every weekend and coming home late) which we have been working on now and he's been calm since we haven't lived together. The reason for the disengagement was mostly because his daughters got out of control and I didn't want that around my daughters so I told him he had to go find a place since he has full custody (mother is restrained and very toxic). His 16 yo was addicted to Xanax and nearly over dosed last year which made me feel like I need to somewhat be a parent to her so I stepped up but she for some reason stopped being as close as we were before- idk if it's something I did because it's driving me insane thinking about it. She has anger issues and recently would punch the walls, yell and throw things at their last home and very often. His 14 yo had offered weed to my 11yo last year and ran away twice about two months ago and also was found with Xanax and weed, alcohol. I feel like their attitudes towards my daughters will always be there but is it safe to blend? He says he shouldn't even be living separate and should be sticking together but I am afraid of losing my own. He wants to move back in, has nowhere to take them, has bad credit, no savings, criminal record but does have a good paying job and think he can make it but just won't be able to find a place. Sorry for the long message... any advice? :/. BTW we have a 5 month baby girl together now who is fully with me.
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Comments
He and his children all sound
He and his children all sound like they have a wealth of issues that you cannot fix. Of course he want's you there shackled to him in all his dysfunction, after all misery loves company.
Leave, get a protective order against him, raise your daughter in a functional home free of drug addiction, emotional and physical abuse.
Of course he wants to come
Of course he wants to come back! He is out of options and needs your house.
I am with advice only... fully dump this loser and his hell spawn.
You say he's your fiance, is
You say he's your fiance, is there a wedding planned? I'd assume that's been canceled if so. I don't think you should make your two children live with his two dysfunctional ones, personally.
I would advise...
That you seek legal full custody of your youngster, and really really consider leaving this man. Im sure that you love him dearly, however his 2 toxic kids are following in their 2 toxic parents footsteps.
Your first duty is to protect your children from these people, not protect HIM and his progeny.
Oh, and those "late nights". I think he might be working on his next "sugar momma".
I'd go for "quit" because I
I'd go for "quit" because I can't see the appeal of having him move in but can see what you stand to lose if he does. He wants to use you for everything you can offer him. Nope, not a way to live. And not a situation I would have my children in either.
Miss Perez
All I can ad is you need to make a new life for yourself. Please. Life is not a simple thing. But you can do this. You came here for help, that says something. I know you already know what you need. Just make a plan that works for you and go from there.For me situations that have happened in the past, I say never look back. Only forward. Good luck to you!
I can tell you with (almost)
I can tell you with (almost) certainty, that after a few weeks of him moving in you will regret it. Then it will be a lot more difficult to fix that situation.
He is his own responsibility, can the state help him with housing?
His children, having problems aren’t going to be early/on time ‘fledgers’.
I am concerned for you because of his aggression towards you.
It is possible for people to change, but it is very rare.
My ex husband was aggressive towards me. He fed the classic line of classic ‘I will change, I was stressed, I won’t do it again’.
On his last day here, he got in a fit of temper about work (they had cut his hours), pushed me on the doorstep, and then chased me up the stairs to the bathroom. That was my wake up call to get out of the relationship and make an unofficial complaint to the police, but one where there is a record of behaviour in case he’s an idiot again.
Some people haven’t integrated their personality properly and end up with a nasty version and a nice version. But here’s the thing - they can be nice to other people....
He was all lovely to his mother and grown up daughter and I got the shoddy end of the stick.
You deserve better. Quite often if they have away with ‘mild’ aggressive behaviour and ‘one’ sticks around, other more aggressive behaviour seeps out and it can be years and years before you can see the full extent of what people can turn into.
Be very careful...please
Please don't sacrifice your
Please don't sacrifice your children's stable and peaceful home for this man.
I feel that this is what it
I feel that this is what it comes down to. Being a parent is forever.
Your SO and his kids
Are unfixable . They are going to have your baby taken away from you. You must keep that circus away from you and your child. Just call it a lost. Make better choices in life.
Best of luck
Quit
Hello everyone,
I went with quit. Bought a printer and this is the start to a better life. I am going to print as much as I can. Law enforcement can't do much since it's only verbal. Locks are changed, his number is blocked (I am lead to believe I can stop contact if I feel that I am in danger which I definitely do) and he is so out of my life thank God. He is emailing me since he's blocked and I can't stop the emails from showing in spam but I am so glad it's over and i am putting my foot down. I really hope I can get full custody.