Husband cheated with his ex
My husband has a 2 1/2 year old son with his ex. I have a 14 month old daughter with my ex. My husband has been around for me since the end of my pregnancy and we got married when my daughter was 5 months old. He has always treated her well and has stepped up to take care of her when my ex didn't. When I went into this relationship initially, my step son was 1 1/2 years old. He had a history of abuse by his moms boyfriend, was neglected by his mom. She used to lock him in his room in the play pen so she could drink and so drugs. according to my husband, his ex treated their son like shit and wouldn't help raise him. so my step son had really bad behavioral issues, bad temper and would do this loud pitch scream for hours on end if he didn't get his way. Up until I came into his life, this child has had no discipline or structure.
my huaband and his ex are both lazy people and refuse to take care of these issues. My step son is about to be 3 and can't say more than 20 words. They both refuse to help with any of his issues and use this kid as a pawn to get back at each other. I was the only one taking him to the doctor and trying to get him caught up on where an almost 3 year old should be, until my husbands ex had a problem with this. So now they have a three year old with vocal cord damage ( because of the high pitch scream), behavioral issues, and speech delay. No one is doing anything about it.
I can't stand his behavioral problems and his scream. I can't do it anymore. It's all day and all night. He disturbs my daughter and her sleep schedule. We bought a puppy and this kid has choked my dog and hurt the dog multiple time. My husband said it's normal for an almost 3 year old to put a finger up the dogs butt. According to him, that's what curious 3 year olds do. He's very destructive and crazy. My husband does nothing to correct this behavior. I have a baby on the way and gave my husband a chance to fix this before the baby comes. I was losing my mind and my daughter was being affected by it. Instead of my husband correcting the problem, he went ahead and cheated on me with his ex and tried to cover it up. I found out months later about their affair.
Now I want nothing to do with my step son or his mom. My husband gave up full custody and decided to do one weekend a month. Now that weekend is coming up and Im dreading it! I can't stand this kid. Don't want him around my kids or around me. It stresses me out. My husband cries all the time because he misses him.
should I let my husband go and just raise this baby without him or do I just tolerate the damaged strange kid and hope my kids don't pick up on the behavior?
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Comments
Uhhh... yea... you let the
Uhhh... yea... you let the deadbeat go and raise the baby on your own.
Hopefully he will at least do visitation with the new baby.
On another note. Do not rush into another relationship. You can't just go daddy shopping as you have kids. Stay single and wait for the right one for you.
I read the title of this
and all the while reading it I was waiting for the part where your husband cheated on you. Please, please, please do yourself, your daughter, and your new baby a favor and divorce this man. For starters, your husband does not deserve you. He cheated on you, he covered it up, and not only did he cheat on you, but it was with his ex. Not saying if it was anyone else it would of been better, but at the same time, it kind of would be!
That is horrible about what the BM did to her child and probably continues to do. CPS should of been called, this woman should not be the primary care giver. Your husband is a lazy pos for not doing anything about this before and now not taking any steps to help his son? Honestly, both parents for this child suck. Leave the man, let him figure his shit out and hopefully he will try and be a better parent to his son. Neither your new baby or daughter should grow up in this unhealthy environment.
Cheating is unforgiveable to me, so sorry, but there is no question in my mind on what you should do.
Forgot to mention
That was had just found out I was pregnant in may. He neglected me on my birthday. Didn't get me anything or do anything for me but instead cheated on his pregnant wife. Then let his crazy baby mama tell me.
His baby mama and I don't get along. Cps wouldn't let her see my step son after the abuse happened because she refused to leave her boyfriend who abused her kid. So she didn't see him for almost a year until the court let her get him one night a week, supervised of course. Then one day I was walking up to my house and she pushed my daughter ( 4 months at the time) out of my hands, and attacked me to kidnap the baby. She's a real trashy lady with stupid tattoos and multiple colored hair. cops didn't arrest her at the time because all of her friends were with her and said that I handed over the baby. Regardless of the marks all over me.
This is who he chose to be with.... which is crazy.
but it's all in the past now. Along with him.
I don't like telling people
I don't like telling people what to do but if I were in your situation I would run far and fast from that man and his train wreck. If he isn't parenting his first child at all he will not be any better with yours. Plus he cheated on you with his ex who is a drug addict...I think you have plenty of reasons to end this relationship. What are the reasons that make you want to stay?!?!
I would let him go. He sounds
I would let him go. He sounds frankly like a little b****.... You and your baby will be better off without him, or his spawn. And the reality is, the ex will be dealt with forever... And if he cheated once with her, constant exposure will cause YOU constant stress and could be damaging to your health. If you want to stick it out, it's your choice, this just all sounds concerning
Another vote for leave his
Another vote for leave his worthless @ss from me.
Honestly... why do you want to stay? He is worthless both a parent and a husband.
Thank you so much
For all the quick responses. I've been tossing this decision up in the air for a while and needed some opinions. I know what I have to do.... thank my fear of being a single mom of 2 got in the way.
Don't let the fear keep you
Don't let the fear keep you from protecting your children. You can do this. Actually you will probably have less stress being a single mom of 2 than dealing with all that! You deserve better! It is hard but it is doable!!!!
I did it too. It isn't easy,
I did it too. It isn't easy, I definitely needed my village but it was sooooooo worth it.
AND when the time was right and I had healed myself, found my strength, was proud of who I was as a woman- The right man came along. If I didn't do the hard work on myself though, I wouldn't have found a partner that was worthy to share my life with.
Uhhhh he's cheated on you and
Uhhhh he's cheated on you and doesn't parent his child. Not sure what you're trying to keep him for? What value is he bringing to you? Ask yourself how he is enriching your life? Is he bringing love, respect and loyalty to the table...no. Is he a supportive and responsible parent...no. Do you feel joy and happiness when you're with him...no. Because, if you did, you wouldn't be here asking if you should stay or go.
If you have to ask if it's time to go....it is time to go. Take care of yourself and your little. Find your happiness, heal from the pain. Learn to love and value yourself and your own company. Be a role model for your little one - show them that it is more important to love yourself than stay in a relationship that is bad for you. They pick up on everything.
I guarantee there are men out there who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.
The answer to this one is
The answer to this one is crystal clear. Leave your cheating husband and his unparented child, and hope he doesn't want a lot of time with your new baby, since he sounds like a horrid, neglectful parent.
Pure f@ckery all around! You
Pure f@ckery all around! You're in a marriage with a shitty @ss man who doesn't parent his child and cheats on you with his awful Ex......
Take you, your child, & puppy and never look back.
My husband said it's normal
My husband said it's normal for an almost 3 year old to put a finger up the dogs butt.
Your husband is a sick piece of crap. You need to leave yesterday and don't look back.
He's gross. Get tested and
He's gross. Get tested and then file....I'm NOT a divorce advocate in majority of cases-but you do need to get the heck on from this hot mess. File 'at fault for adultery' too.
For goodness sake, collect
For goodness sake, collect all documents related to the child abuse/neglect case, and hide them with a trusted friend or relative. You will need it when you file for child support and this piece of excrement suddenly decides he wants visitation in order to reduce how much he has to pay. The last thing you want is your baby in that environment without you there to protect it.
Get you and yours out of this low rent trashy situation, and stay away from "men" for a while. Do some work on yourself, own your mistakes, and figure out why you're drawn to such low class people. Make a better life for your kids.
100% THIS
Honestly, this is one of those posts I'm hoping is not real because there is so much bad judgment happening at every turn, but the last part of this comment is most important if it is, indeed, real... Please leave and don't get involved with anyone else for a very long time. You picked badly with the first father, then you were marrying someone else with an infant by another man, then it turned out that guy was also a terrible father and you got pregnant with him. Your choices with men have been terrible. Please leave and focus on doing the best you can for the kids including setting a better example moving forward and providing more stability. Normally when there's adultery mentioned in a post, that's the main issue, but here it's almost irrelevant to me.
For starters, you don’t need to have a relationship or
Meet the exwife, secondly, your man is a piece of shit...
he cheated on you with the exwife while you were pregnant?? He is untrustworthy and once trust in a relationship is lost or jeopardised its very hard to gain back.
Then you have an abusive exwife who tried kidnapping your baby and had family and friends lie for her??
any responsible spouse or husband would protect his woman no matter what. Your husband makes you feel like a worthless piece of shit, cheats on you and doesn’t protect you??
my husband has not communicated with his ex wife in 11+ years, he refuses to. She lost the right for them to co-parent or communicate with my husband when she had her police father and brother threaten to stab and shoot my husband to death for not giving more alimony or cash payouts in the divorce, she threatened to send sd’s to military or police academy so they would learn how to shoot a gun and she would tell them to gun hubby down.
if ss21 (who lives with us when not at university) ever invited his mum into our home or her family, i’d call the cops. Their whole family are bat shit dangerous psychos, that everyone should stay away from.
my husband would never invite them into our home, thats our sactuary and if she ever came onto our property i’d call the police.
you have a man who hasn’t grown up and taken responsibility as a father and husband with young children who also cheats, that combo rarely ever changes
Oh...I couldn't even imagine
Oh...I couldn't even imagine it can happen in real life, saw such things only on different TV shows
I really sympathise with you, no one decerves to be cheated, especially you are a mother of his child.
My sister was also the victim of a cheater .Her husband cheated on her right after she gave birth to their second child. Good that she noticed him acting strange and decided to use a tracking app https://www.mspylite.com/, which she usually uses for their son to track browser activity for her husband's phone also. And found out he was meeting with the other person.
Yes leave that dirt bag. He
Yes leave that dirt bag. He cheated on you. Let him pay child support on two additional kids.
I would move at least 600
I would move at least 600 miles away from this nightmare. If he doesn't file anything within 6 months, you're residency would be in a new state. He would be too lazy to file for visitation.