Surprise, Surprise!
I am recently married to a nice guy who had three children by his first wife. I knew him for two years before we married and had interaction with his children. I thought all was going to be wonderful and we would be this big happy family. I believed no difference would be made between my child (which is also his) and his first three children. I thought his children (ages 7, 15, and 17) would acknowledge (in the least) as their stepmother, but I was terribly wrong. Being a stepmother has been quite painful and stressful on my marriage.
I have now concluded my expectations were too high. The 17 year old acted a literal fool and told her father he was no good and not good enough to marry me. She refused to come over every other weekend after we were married. She even refused to see her baby brother. She called me names to say the least. The youngest cried a little because she would no longer be the baby of the family, but she quickly adjusted and loves her brother very much. And, the 15 year old son, well he was just great all around!
I didn't realize how looking at me would be a constant reminder to his children that something was broken; there family was broken and that is why I am here (his wife was caught in bed with another woman's husband). I don't really know how to handle that. Every time they come over. I want to reach out to them, but I feel so distant. So much has changed. We were great together when I was just a friend to their father.
I have received the surprise of my life...being a stepmother is not easy and in some ways hard work. On some issues I do not have my husbands support. But, I look at my little boy who is 2 months old, and I tell myself I need to try to make this work so he doesn't grow up without his father and be another victim of a broken home.
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Comments
You cannot fix them. Yes,
You cannot fix them. Yes, divorce is sad and hurtful. But consider the alternatives. Children die every day of incurable cancer and other diseases. SOme are born with a death sentence already in their DNA. They haven't got a hope in hell.
Children of 'broken homes' have it easy compared to having sit by and watch your brother/sister slowly dying.
So in the Grand Scheme they are OK. You can't fix them. They will muddle through life and get there in the end. All you do is leave the door unlocked for them to re-enter your lives.
I have a SS17 and a SS19. Mr 19 has no interaction with my kids. Nothing. SS17 is very close to my kids. I have only been married to their Dad for 6 yrs so this teen thing was going to be hit and miss anyway.
In the end I gave up trying to make it all OK and happy. I do the right thing and welcome any well mannered child of DHs or mine into my home. It is up to them to come knocking.
Good points above! From what
Good points above! From what I have read they say that when a bio parent marries especially a father the kids take it badly even if you were in his life for a long period of time and they liked you then. To the kids its the end of hopes that their parents will get back together - which all kids of divorce hope for. It also means to the kids that now are permanent, so they may find that difficult to deal with. As I have said several times before, you and his kids don't need to love each other or like each other, but you all need to respect each other. Also, don't expect too much or anything at all. Being a step mother is a thankless job! However, I have found that the more I focus on my relationship with dh the better I am, the better we are, and the skids are better to. For the skids they see us as a team they can either be part of the team or not. We are always there and ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, so get use to it...sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. I don't cry over it anymore. Also, remember kids don't really mean half of the things they say.
Thank you. All of you bring
Thank you. All of you bring out points I should consider since this whole blended family is new to me. I have alot to think about, and a few changes to make within myself. Thanks. I feel encouraged and hopeful.