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Did you elope? with or without kids/skids?

overit2's picture

Just curious how many people eloped here....and if you both had kids were one/both sets in attendance or not, just the two of you? what ages were the kids, were they a little bummed not to be included? How did your family take it?

The more we sometimes talk about the future and 'if we get married one day'...the more eloping is sound like the best option-but it would likely be at a beach, I still want a pretty dress, some fresh flowers, he wants just us. I'm sure there are other ways to include your children -engagement party, do an after party for close friends/family.

So how was your day? dress up? traveled? This is some time away-if indeed we DO marry lol...but just trying to get some thoughts for those that been there/done that.

Comments

Dannee's picture

We got married in our backyard..

All 3 girls were flower girls..The all wore the same dresses..

My husband and I wore white...a summer dress for me..

I had everyone do something little that day to contribute to
the wedding...

I would have love to have a great big wedding...
But we had to pay 3 years of alimony to a greedy BM..

We did not have a honeymoon...

z3girl's picture

We eloped. We got married on a beach on an island in the Caribbean, and I had a gorgeous dress, and the Jimmy Choos. Smile

We invited his parents and my father, but because of health reasons, his parents couldn't make it, so my father was the only witness, and someone who worked at the resort.

SD was 17 at the time, and still in school, so DH didn't even think of asking her to join us. She was more upset about how he told her we were getting married rather than whether or not she was able to attend.

We had a picnic in my father's backyard a couple months later as a sort of "reception", and it worked out nicely. I never wanted the typical big wedding, and DH already had that with BM, so this was a nice, unique experience for the both of us. We had a sunset sailboat cruise after the ceremony, and we were upgraded to an INCREDIBLE room in the resort that was on the side of the mountain overlooking the Caribbean, with no outside wall and a private infinity pool...we are hoping to renew our vows there for our 5th anniversary!

Ommy's picture

I have talked about this with FDH a lot. I want the whole white dress family & friends. It will be my first wedding. And I do NOT want the Skids anywhere near it. Because they have proven over and over that when BM says jump they Jump. FSD3 has ruined every event and activity that we have done with family members, she has knocked over tables, physically abused me all because BM tells her too. And when we confront her about it she has a smile on her face, she is sick. So I know FDH would like his girls to be there but I dont. I dont want them to ruin my first wedding. In a way it will be FDHs first as well because when he married BM it was in the court house (how romantic).

But I will have a nice white dress wedding and NO stepkids. it isnt like they would remember it anyways. They are 5 and 3 right now.

imjustthemaid's picture

We got married at a casino (it was 2nd marriage for both of us) and I purposely picked a place not for kids because I didn't want SD10 at the time go come. She already had a dress picked out and MIL was so excited to buy it for her. I put a stop to all of their plans and only invited my parents and his parents. NO KIDS! My daughter was 5 at the time so she didn't realize anyway.

But now looking back I wish I would have had a big wedding with the white dress and I do regret it and I say it all the time. It drives him crazy. I told him I want to renew our vows (with no kids)on an island somewhere but I am wearing a big white dress this time!!!

hismineandours's picture

I also got married in Vegas at Caesar's Palace. It was lovely. Truly. I still wore a big white dress, dh wore a tux, we had flowers, music, pics and our best friends stood up with us. I know people think of Vegas as tacky-but this was not a tacky venue at all-I loved the whole experience. Our kids were 3,3, and 2 at the time. One was his, the other two mine. None of them have any memory of course so noone felt left out. It was second wedding for both of us and it was so awesome just to concentrate on US and not have to worry about anything or anyone else.

B22S22's picture

My first wedding (at the age of 21) was the big one-- white gown with cathedral length train and veil (think: Sound of Music), men in tuxedos with tails, sit down dinner for 300, etc.

My DH's first wedding consisted of going to the courthouse on his lunch hour.

When we decided to get married, we had first thought of having something here. But as plans were made, and grew out of proportion, I started losing it. So we nixed the stuff here and planned to go somewhere, just the two of us.

He wore dress pants and a nice shirt. I had a custom-made dress (short). We got married in a beautiful outdoor ceremony in Las Vegas (tasteful, no Elvis or Liberace present) at one of the resorts.

His parents surprised us by coming, we didn't know they were there until the wedding coordinator had to "go find someone else to witness the marriage certificate" and actually had my IL's hiding in one of the chapel offices.

I'm happy we did what we did. We had a beautiful ceremony in front of a waterfall, a professional photographer, and it was really nice that his parents were there. We spent the next four days sight-seeing and enjoying ourselves, gambling, staying up all night, eating prime rib at 3am.

krazykate12's picture

DH and I had both never been married. We started to plan a wedding but then realised that our families are just too big, not to mention that I do NOT like to be the center of attention, it makes me uncomfortable. We decided to go away for a 5 day stay in Niagara Falls. Originally we weren't even going to tell anyone, but I felt guilty because my mom had purchased me a wedding dress only a week after I got engaged (she was very excited because she wanted DH and I to end up together from the time we were teenagers, lol). We decided to invite our parents and siblings and we got married in our huge hotel suite infront of a stunning view of the falls. SD was only 15 months old at the time and she was with her mom when we got married. She has never known anything different than her dad and I being married. She has seen our wedding pictures on the wall and has never been sad that she isn't in them.
We spent a total of 1500 dollars (my dad surprised us by paying for our suite as his gift to us) for our wedding and honeymoon. We plan on having a vow renewal ceremony and a party for our 10th or 15th anniversary where we can celebrate with all of our family and friends. The kids will be included in that celebration.

Kes's picture

I had a tiny wedding with just the 2 SDs, my 2 adult daughters and their husband and boyfriend. It was very relaxed, but what was not relaxed - we all slept at our house and then the next morning BM pulled one of her "stunts" called DH and said her so-called fiance had tried to strangle her and she had moved out. Didn't stop us leaving on time to go on our honeymoon, though!

Totalybogus's picture

My husband and I got married on a cruise ship and didn't invite anyone. My daughters were 15 and 17 at the time and his were 8 and 5.

His didn't notice a difference at all. My girls were pissed, especially my oldest. She still says to this day that because she didn't see it, it doesn't feel like we're married and she's 24.

She has a great relationship with my husband. She just doesn't like that she wasn't included.

Upon retrospection, I think if they're young, it doesn't really matter. However, I think if they're older, they should at least be in attendance for the actual ceremony, courthouse or otherwise.

dreadingit's picture

We got married at the court house in our hometown, with my parents & his mother & grandparents in attendance. Then we hopped a plane to Mexico and spent 5 awesome days on the beach. The kids were 5 & 7 at the time. When the kids said they wanted to go to the beach, we simply said, no, it's a trip for just the two of us this time. We'll all go back to the beach together one day! I don't regret for one second that we didn't have a 'wedding'. I explained to the families that we had both already done that and I didn't feel comfortable putting everyone through a ceremony a second time. They were all fine with it. We had a really laid back outdoor party at my parents' house a few weeks later. The invitations read: We ran away and tied the knot! Come helps us celebrate etc etc. We had a table set up with the laptop scrolling pictures from our trip, so everyone could see where we were. That and the margarita machine were big hits!
I treasure that time that we had with just the two of us--it's the happy place that I go to when I'm hiding in the closet from the kids!

JustAnotherSM's picture

DH and I eloped with no skid in attendance. I highly recommend it. Smile

We dated for 7 almost 8 years before we tied the knot so it wasn't a big surprise to anyone. SS was 10 and he was still a good kid then, but BM was a nutcase and we didn't want her anywhere near our wedding. So we left the country and got married in Jamaica. We stayed at an all-inclusive resort and they did most of the work for us. I wore a wedding gown and DH wore khaki's, a blue shirt and a tie. We had strangers as our witnesses. My flowers were included in the wedding package as well as a lunch-time reception (we married at 10am on a Monday morning) and an intimate dinner for all of the couples that married that day. The next morning we were greated with a champaign and pancake breakfast. It was totally awesome.

About 4 months later we held a traditional wedding reception for our family and friends. We did not have any bridesmaids or groomsmen so we asked my 3 sisters, BIL and SS to stand up for us at the reception. They gave short speeches and introduced the cake cutting, the bouquet toss, etc. SS announced us as husband and wife and introduced our first dance together. He did a great job for a young man. We took all the wedding photos we missed on the big day and had a nice time. BM and her now-exH#2 came to pick up SS toward the end of the night and didn't create any drama.

the_stepmonster's picture

We didn't necessarily elope but we did a destination wedding in the Bahamas. It was my first marriage and DH's first wedding (he got married at the courthouse with BM). We invited close family and friends and ended up with about 40 guests. I still had the dress, the dinner, the ceremony, etc., but on a much smaller scale than the 200-300 people I would have had to invite had it been at home. It was perfect. DH decided not to bring the SD's because our wedding and honeymoon was going to be combined and he knew that if they were there they would want to be with him the entire time and he wanted to be with me. Like I said, it was perfect.

krazykate12's picture

DH and BM were never married, they dated for 2 months and then she got pregnant.

We didn't come out and tell her we were getting married but we didn't try to hide it from her either. She knew we were engaged because she had seen me sporting a new ring, but I don't think she knew we actually got married until she looked me up on facebook and saw that my name had changed. Or it might have been when we went to pick SD up after we got married when she found out. She closed the door after we had SD and said "omg mom, he's wearing a ring" then it sounded like she started to cry.
I don't mean to sound cruel and I am normally a very compassionate person but it felt so good to see the look on her face and then hear her getting upset that we were married only a year after they had broken up. I thought it served her right after lying to DH about being on birth control, sitting on her ass doing NOTHING all day while he worked his ass off to feed her and their baby and then keeping SD from him for months when she found out that he and I were together. Not to mention what she did to one of my friends a few years earlier....but that is a story for another day, lol.

overit2's picture

Thanks for all the comments....I'd love for it to be the Carribean somewhere, however our first trip together was to a beach city in S. Carolina....we had a wonderful time, we'd probably stay at the same place, hopefully same room even if we could. We'd have to find an officiant and beach area to marry..admittedly I think we both really fell in love on that trip, we had been together about a year at that point. It was jsut magical, so the place holds a lot of meaning to us. We are going there again on vacation this year, but I'm taking my sons (doubt will take her)...and our 'elopement' will probably be a couple years away.

BUT yes, I want the beautiful dress, intimate setting...and then when we return a reception for our close friends/family, either at a restaurant or club house/pool or at a backyard/garden idea.....but still want to wear the dress and display pics of us at the elopement, etc...

My daydreaming got the best of me and i found beautiful knock off dresses, cheap, but mixed reviews of buying from these places...and no way to find the original designers still

http://www.inweddingdress.com/style-bc130.html and different one
http://www.inweddingdress.com/style-bc287.html

Funny, as against as I am the whole wedding industry my 'girly' side still wants the dress, the moment, the fresh flowers, even if it's just us, screw the industry and the money wasted lol.

the_stepmonster's picture

I love the first one! Wanna buy my beach wedding dress from me? LOL. I have been meaning to sell it but haven't gotten around to it. Also, we had my brother officiate our wedding. He got an online certificate with our state and signed our marriage certificate for us. Saved us a nice chunk of money Smile

daisy0202's picture

We talked to the children first. They were the only ones that knew except the couple that went with us. The children came. We went to Austria where I am from, got married on the mountain with our children and our friends there. The children and the couple stayed for 2 weeks, we stayed an additional week by ourselves came back and told everyone we got married. The children and our friends never told anyone.... My parents then had a surprise dinner for us with all our friends and family. My DH family did not go they did not want him to remarry... Actually when he got divorced they told him now you are a widow and will always be alone... We were both 33 at the time.... Blum 3

daisy0202's picture

Scubed...BM had no clue and no one else did either... When BM found out...OMG she told DH WTF is wrong with you i was supposed to do that first not you asshole....LMFAO...I was dying!!!!

Rags's picture

We eloped. My SS then 1yo was with us. On very short notice my mom, brother, SIL, niece (then 5mos) my BFF and his GF and my wifes Aunt and Uncle joined us at Love's Lake Tahoe Wedding Chapel in State Line Nevada. $500 has returned 17+ happy years of marriage.

Compared to the $25K my XILs spent on my first marriage that lasted only 2.5yrs this one has been a great investment.

IfearImgoinnutz's picture

We planned our wedding for when we would have both his kids and mine. The older two wore the same dresses and the younger two wore the same dresses. We got married at a local park. It was the middle of July, but it was perfect. Our closest family and friends attended. His father actually married us. I didnt say one word to my XH about it and neither did my kids. DH thought he would tell BM before the kids did, and of course she then told the kids "Daddy has forgotten about us, its all about his new life now." Nevermind the fact they have been divorced for THREE years and SHE is the one who cheated on DH and got pregnant by another man. BUT ANYWAY....That was the only thing that pissed me off about the whole thing. lol Shes such a piece of work....

overit2's picture

My dad is actually a minister...he married me and my brothers and their wives-and of course we know how my marriage turned out ughhh...

BUT regardless I wouldn't ask him to marry us-it seems like a bad omen, not to mention he hasn't been the most supportive or seemed very interested in my relationship w/bf...might be an old school thing who knows. My brother hasn't exactly been tryign to involved him much either...now his family on the other hand has been fantastic and very accepting of me and my sons and the relationship.

It would be nice to have a witness there, but I guess we can grab a stranger lol.

forever2's picture

Awesome posts! Last time I started a forum discussion to say that my fiance wanted his skid IN our wedding, not just at our wedding, and I didn't want him part of the ceremony, I got crucified by some of those steptalkers out there who said that if I didn't want his skid in our ceremony, I was an insensitive bitch and my marriage would never work out. Where are those lovely ladies for this post? Probably divorced....its always the ones on their high horses who fall off first. Anyway, thank you all for posting. Of course it would be my absolute dream to have my fiance take me in his arms and romantically say...this is our day love, all about us, not about my child, not about my past, all us and our new beginning...please marry me alone on a deserted beach..... DREAM ON. He would never go anywhere without his precious child and would never in a million years marry me without him there (he asked the kid if it was okay to propose to me before he did it). But, to hear that there are men out there who could focus on their fiances rather than their kids for one day is very encouraging. Men who actually understand that a marriage is about the future of a man and a woman, not about skids from a previous marriage who will soon be living their own lives....how refreshing. The original poster said her man "wants just us." Wow, that's so great. If you decide you don't want him, send him my way.

bestwife's picture

I refer to my DH all the time - but we are not legally married.

He told me he had never proposed to anyone. I'll drop dead before I tell him I will marry him. I spent a lot of time telling him that I did not want a legal marriage.

His first wife got pg from one night stands (twice he married the c****). The second wife was a total control freak who "made" him marry her when her first husband left her for another woman. Fifteen years later (and many $$$s) she left him to go back to the ex who was then available.

Not sure what I would do. He married these women in Christian ceremonies - how would it be any different if he said vows to me that he said multiple times before? Meaningless in my opinion.

michiganmomma's picture

We got married in a courthouse with both of our girls (2 1/2- mine and 3-his at the time). We said that all 4 of us were getting married and that they were becoming sisters. We had my parents be our witnesses. We were planning a large to do, but decided to just do it. We did the small, but larger one 4 weeks later and like that we had our little secret:) I'm glad our girls were there.

overit2's picture

Thx all!! Yeah an ex boyfriend I had was all about all 4 kids in the wedding and saying vows to them etc lol my bf is so different and why I even can contemplate marrying him, he knows we are the main thing, he is very about US!! He's been stepping up with sd, she no longer brings her cell in the house where her mom called a dozen times to bs, she didn't go in my room lAst visit at all, used boys bathroom to change, he kept her behavior in check, he is actually listening and I gained new respect and live becuz of it.