You are here

SD Mother will not give her medication!

ohmygosh's picture

Submitted by ohmygosh on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 1:26pm

My husband has full custody of his daughter, she lives with us full time and visits her mother twice a week now (overnight) and every other weekend, when she feels like taking her that is.

We have taken everyone’s advice and she is now seeing a psychiatrist. He has prescribed her to take 10mg of Prozac. My husbands ex wife left us a message on our cell phone telling us she will not give her daughter that medication, that it was for people who have severe mental problems and that SD did not need it and the doctor was just trying to get kick backs from his med reps.

We tried to call her, but she refuses to answer her phone now. We left her a message telling her that neither her doctor or us would ever give SD anything that would hurt her and that she lives with us full time and without a doubt needs the medication.

What we are trying to figure out is what to do??? Do we tell bio mom that unless she gives her the medication when she is at her home, she cannot keep her overnight anymore??? Or do inform her we will file court papers making her give her the meds (if possible that is)?? The problem is if we start her on the meds as she needs and her bio mother does not give them to her when she is in her care, we are aware that this could hurt SD (mentally and physically that is).

Any advice would be appreciated!

Comments

Nise's picture

Submitted by Nise on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 1:53pm

My first thoughts were:
How old is the daughter?
How involved was mom in the decision to medicate her?

Then I thought I remembered you and your SD and looked back to make sure I was remembering properly…your SD appears to have some SERIOUS mental health issues…she is too old to be acting out the way that she has in the past and all the signs pointed to the fact that she needed to seek some help…so first I want to say CONGRATS to you and your husband for being responsible and caring enough for this little girl to take her to a mental health professional and getting her the help she so desperately needs if she is gonna live a healthy/happy life….she is 10 and this is a CRUCIAL time for her…right in the crux of the “pre teen” transition and she needs to learn boundaries/self control, etc…and if she needs meds to help her with that to correct the chemical imbalance then her mom is going to have to either 1. Help you and your husband PARENT her and do what’s best for her (i.e. keeping her regular on her medication) or 2. Step out of the way voluntarily and all the two of you to do what you need to do for this little girl or 3. Step out of the way involuntarily through a court order that she will not have overnight visits if she cannot continue with her medication regime….it really is her choice but not getting this little one her meds and keeping her regular is not an option for anyone and will do more harm then good!

I think it will be wise to start the paper trail on this one! Document, Document, Document! Send her a certified letter explaining the importance of her medicine also include in the certified letter a letter from SD’s doctor giving his professional opinion and let her know that if she cannot comply with this…you will be forced to take her to court to put an end to overnight visits….I would also get SD a guardian or talk to someone in the courts Mediation department to see if you can set up a Mediation with biomom about the issue…who has legal custody?

Make a GREAT Day!

Anonymous's picture

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 10/20/2006 - 3:48pm

Thank you for your post! My husband has legal custody and her bio mom has visitation (open) no set times or anything.

Many thanks!

StressedSM's picture

Submitted by StressedSM on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 2:42pm

My youngest son has been on several different ADHD medications. Without going into a long story, the medication was needed. My ex and his wife were involved in the process of counseling and getting him on meds. He has been on them for about 9 months and out of the blue last Summer he and his wife decided my son didn't need them and didn't have ADHD and refuse to give him the medication while he with them (every other weekend). I have explained the same thing to them - neither I, nor any doctor, would give medication of that kind to a young child unless it was necessary. I told them they could go with us to his follow up visits with the doctor or anything else we do in looking for ways to cope with this or help my son. They never do. All they do is say "no, he's fine". It is insane. For me its like beating my head against a brick wall. I can go no where with this with them. On one hand I am glad he gets a break from the medication, and it is fairly quiet at their place, no other children, that he probably is better behaved. However, when he gets back to our house and returns to school, it takes a day or two to get back in gear. There is a lot of acting out. The problem with Prozac for your daughter is that you are not supposed to abruptly stop that medication. Prozac is supposed to be weaned off. By her not giving your daughter her medication, she is potentially harming her and causing unnecessary side effects/withdrawels.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Dawn-Moderator on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 6:47pm

has the same problem with her daughter's father. At first he said she didn't need the medication and wouldn't give it to her. Then it was, they forgot or they were too busy or whatever. There has to be something that can be done. Not getting that medication every other weekend with all of those ups and downs can't be good!!

Dawn

Gin's picture

Submitted by Gin (not verified) on Fri, 10/20/2006 - 3:46pm

Thank you for all your post! We have decided to give Bio Mom the option of giving her the meds as the doctor says, sending her a certified letter to explain the importance and that if she chooses not to give her the meds we will be forced to file neglect charges against her and make it so she has no overnight visits.

We have tried to talk to her, but she feels that "she is always right" and we do not think she cares if it hurts her daughter. It seems as though she has no concern for her daughter or anyone else, and unless it is about her, she could care less. She has been the worst influence on her daughter’s life and when she is visiting her for her weekend visits all she does is "Trash Talk" bio father and myself. It is an everyday thing with bio mom, she does not want custody of her daughter "nor should she have it", and she feels that it is necessary to say nasty things about bio dad and I ever chance she gets. This in turn is causing half the problems we currently have with SD.

I do not wish this situation on anyone, especially a child who can't do a thing about it.

lovin-life's picture

Submitted by lovin-life on Sat, 10/21/2006 - 10:14am

Dispite the obervations/documentation from several teachers, a family physician, two pediatricians as well a list of behaviors & examples 2 pages long observed both before and after our split of ADD characteristics dating back years. My X is still in denial about sons ADD....and tells him, directly to his face..."All you need is a kick in the ass". (Should have left him years sooner)

Because behaviour(hyperactivity)is not the main problem for son...he is not on medication on the weekends or summer vacation. It is solely to help him deal with inattention and focus problems in the classroom. SO I haven't gotten into any fights over X withholdng medication...yet!

Ya know...I don't have that issue addressed in my draft 'separation agreement'...I need to do that before anything is signed..

Thanks for bringing the issue up.....!! Smile