So, Saturday morning was going awesome. SO and I were having a good breakfast, coffee, and conversation together, and both of us were in a great mood. SD14 was upstairs brooding over who the eff knew what--I asked him if he noticed she was "in a mood" when he had a couple of brief interactions with her so I could prepare for what she'd be like when she finally came downstairs, and he said she was in a "little bit" of a weird mood but had no clue why exactly (this is pretty much our life now, figuring out if this kid is pissed off and/or preparing to send us to the cornfields like the Twilight Zone episode, haha).

So she finally comes downstairs all suited up in her coat to leave, since SO was about to drive her to BM's, who has her Saturdays. She breezes past me and makes sure to send some chilly vibes my way. She was being cold to me the night before and refused to be around me after a couple days of fairly good behavior and some positive interactions. 

She starts to go outside and SO tells her he needs a couple more minutes to get ready to go. She asks "what am I supposed to do then?" with a heavy sigh and a whiny voice. She sort of looks at me then looks away. SO asks her if she's going to say anything to me or if she's going to just act all cold like she's doing. I speak up at that point and say, "you know, I'm not sure exactly why you're upset with me, but you have been since last night. I don't know what's causing it, but I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. What's going on?"

Ensue blowup, during which she tries to domineer everything I say, interrupts me, launches into nonsensical reasons for being annoyed with me that are totally nonsequiter and meaningless, and cussing at me. She thinks she's a tiny little adult at this point telling me off. I'm trying not to engage, but I'm also trying to set her straight and tell her that she can't talk to me like that. SO steps in and corroborates it. She proceeds to bring up a fake crisis she created the night before that she had gotten pissed at her dad over and tell me to my face that I'm just a "distraction" that takes attention from her dad, that she's convinced we're competing for his attention and that he agrees (lol, nope), and that she often just wants "nothing to do with me" (wow, something we can agree on!) 

The words actually stung in the moment, and I had to run upstairs because I was going to burst into tears and couldn't have her seeing that happen. While today I'm just properly fuming about it, I made the mistake yesterday of telling her she had hurt my feelings (which she had, even though I shouldn't have let her know and make her feel like she had power over me). In retrospect, I really wish I had told her what she was doing was categorically wrong and would not be tolerated, and kept her thinking her manipulation wasn't having an effect. She told her dad, who was very cross with her on their ride to her mom's, that she was trying deliberately to hurt me. 

She often thinks I'm annoying and expresses that she's annoyed by me. When she doesn't like how an interaction goes down after she spends time trying to push my buttons, she loves tattling on me to DADDEE in hopes that he'll corroborate her poor wittle feelings. She's also told me in the past that she sees me as a peer and an equal (she literally said it just to try and rile me up), and once even went so far as to tell me about some woman my SO briefly dated in a non-serious way, and that she wished they had stayed together because she saw the woman as a mother (later my SO explained Sd had limited interactions with that woman and had fabricated a lot to deliberately hurt me). She's 14 and pulling this shit still today, but she was freaking 11 years old when she said this stuff about that woman. She's had an agenda for a long time, and I hate how much time went by where she was allowed to develop so much gross clinginess and entitlement before her bio parents stepped up their game (although BM is often a lost cause). 

Please share your similar stories below, because I need those reminders of solidarity and that I'm not in an isolated hell. Last night I was laying in bed til 3:30 am literally telling her off in my head in several fantasy scenarios, which is not a super healthy or desirable state to be in.