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A Goodbye of Sorts and a Heartfelt Thanks

October8's picture

Submitted by October8 on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:17am

As of 10:05 am yesterday I am officially a divorcee. I am tremendously happy that it is over. As I am no longer a stepparent and won't have much to contribute on that front, I may just visit here to warn unsuspecting victims if their situations seem similar to what mine was.

To all of you ladies who choose to remain in the life, I greatly admire your strength and determination, as stated before, this is not a life for me.

I don't have the devotion or patience of a martyr.

Dawn: Heartfelt thanks for letting me join and letting me vent away. The ladies I met here were of extraordinary help in getting me to wise up and move out.

SW19: I look at you like a little sister, I really hope that you follow YOUR dreams and don't let a man stunt your growth. I see that you have a fabulous heart but sometimes the MEN are NOT worth half the effort.

CRAYON: I voice the others, get out now. The misery you endure is less than what you deserve in life.

To all my other friends. Lots of love and lots of luck I will see you soon Wink

And for those who are afraid because of loneliness..... loneliness is often a friend to embrace not one to keep out at all costs. Often, we stay in situations because we are afraid of being alone, and of US alone. But is being alone really any worse than enduring abuse or of having our dignity taken away?

In my opinion NO!

There was no pot of gold at the end of this particular rainbow, but the journey was paved with diamond lessons.

Comments

October8's picture

Submitted by October8 on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:23am

In the end, most of us chose to entangle ourselves in situations even if they are wrong for us.

For you, I hope the BM sobers up and doesn't cause any more drama. Thank you for the reading recommendations.

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:24am

You are an inspiration. Truly. I've been SOOOO proud of you -- it does my heart good to see a woman get out of a situation she knows isn't good for her and move on with her life.

Good luck -- not that you will need it. The next chapter of your life is going to be FABULOUS!

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

October8's picture

Submitted by October8 on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:29am

the only choices I am giving myself are Fantastic and fabulous. I can't go wrong with either.

Thanks for your tough love.

PS Belle: I am seriously very happy. I know people sometimes just say that, and 4 months ago I would have never imagined that this would be me, but I am over the moon happy. I feel blessed in so many ways and LUCKY.

I told my counselor yesterday: I feel like I am in the place where I am supposed to be for who I am. And it feels so GOOD.

One can only hope!

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:43am

Good luck October8, you deserve Fantastic and Fabulous...we all do. You have encouraged so many of us.

thanks.

October8's picture

Submitted by October8 on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:57am

And here I thought you all were encouraging me Wink I will picture you taking it easy on your boat and enjoying your summer.

One can only hope!

Sita Tara's picture

Submitted by Sita Tara on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:49am

Throw yourself a little soiree with your best friends. I did that the week after my exH and my divorce was final. I called it my first annual Independence party. Only had the one though. Then I MOVED THE HELL on !!!!! Oh- and as far as feeling happy, I know what you mean. When I would run into people I hadn't seen in a long time and I told them I was divorced they would get all down on my behalf, and always say, "I'm sorry to hear that." To which I always replied, "Oh DON'T be! I'm not!" in a jovial tone that seemed to be unsettling to some who were married in particular. Smile So I won't say, "Sorry to hear" to you either. Wink

Goodluck Oct 8. You know I found a quote recently that made me think of you...

You were given this life, because you are strong enough to live it.

Now go out there and whoop it up!
Take care.

October8's picture

Submitted by October8 on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 10:01am

I sent a text to my closest friends, cousins and sisters. All I got was Congrats!!!! Only one of my cousins tried to be funny and said, should I say I'm sorry or congrats?!?!?!?

Definitely Congrats!!!!

As far as the soiree.... I took off yesterday, divorce, counseling, massage and margaritas!!!!

My XH did NOT show up to court but he called to b***c in the afternoon.

I took the high road: Good luck, enjoy your life, be safe.

He said: You are so dumb Oct.....

I definitely made the right choice.

One can only hope!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 9:49am

As for me, I am in the SParenting business for the long hall. Today is our 15th anniversary and the 15th anniversary of the start of my SParenting career.

I truly hope that you find a fine person of character to enhance your life. You don't need anyone to be your life. You are complete and incredible in your own right.

Good luck and best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

October8's picture

Submitted by October8 on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 10:03am

I can tell from your blogs that you are an excellent father. Your wife and son are very lucky to have you.

And I am incredible; Thank you.

I guess I always knew it, its just shining through a lot more lately Smile

One can only hope!

October8's picture

Submitted by October8 on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 10:32am

I think you would have a following, especially if you made your book a comedy.

As far as your BF goes, i don't think he has truly appreciated you throughout the time you have been together.

Sometimes we are "blind" to the faults of the people we love. But the people who love us back aren't.

Don't you just wish that they were more forthcoming instead of holding back for fear of hurting us?

One can only hope!

Crizzle's picture

Submitted by Crizzle on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 11:05am

I hope your life is calmer now. I don't recall speaking with you before, but I sometimes think divorce will be my fate too. This is my first and hopefully my only marriage, but my skids and DH make me so resentful and angry sometimes that I wonder if I wouldn't be happier on my own with my darlings BD and BS. I am in the midst of disengagement now and I feel so much more relaxed and happy. My DH says I am treating skids like sh*t because of this, but he doesn't want to see how they have made me feel. I told him, "you just give me a #. You tell me how many times I am supposed to let them mistreat me before I do something about it." Of course, I am already past this point and the disengagement has given me some relief. I hope in the end I will be able to come out of it and be able to be a good stepmom without allowing myself to become a doormat to them again. I will stand firm.

Best of luck to you!

"They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I just wish he didn't have so much confidence in me."

October8's picture

Submitted by October8 on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 11:19am

I guess stepparenting really isn't for everybody.

As far as how your H treats you, I am sorry. Evryone deserved to be treated with dignity. I have found mine and I am glad.

One can only hope!

Sia's picture

Submitted by Sia on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 1:16pm

I hope you will come back and offer anything you can and give us updates on where you are in life!

BridgingTheGap's picture

Submitted by BridgingTheGap on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 1:50pm

I was actually going to send you a PM to check up on you and see how you're doing. CONGRATULATIONS! You made it Smile

Enjoy your new and fabulous life. You have earned your freedom. Leave XH in the dust where he belongs. Be sure to come back and tell us how you're doing. I'm so happy for you. Good job on ridding yourself of the evil in your life.