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Another new member to help in this so called crazy steplife.

Nyx's picture

Submitted by Nyx on Thu, 05/13/2010 - 3:11pm

Hello everyone. I've been eyeing this site for a while now. I finally mustered up the courage to join then, just my luck, it shut down! :O Darn that Murphy's law--LOL. I'm so glad its back up and running now.

I'm dealing with a vengeful ex-wife of my live-in "husband". I guess that's why a lot of you are here too. They have one child together who's 7(SD---stepdaughter abbrev?). I have a son and a daughter from a previous marriage.

So lil' Miss Flippy-Pants (because she flips out ALL THE TIME) loathes my husband and I. For starters, she constantly undermines our plans with SD. I've told him to stop telling SD info about what we do so BM will stop destroying our plans. But he doesn't listen to me and tells SD anyway. He says it doesn't matter because SD knows we love her and that's all she needs to know. Well, I don't think it does. Not to mention it messes up mine and my kids day. 3/4 of the time we go without SD or DH all together. What the heck to I do? Advice please?

Thanks to advisors in advance Smile

Comments

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Thu, 05/13/2010 - 3:35pm

Welcome Nox,

You'll enjoy this site. Most of us have gone through or are going through what you are. I don't have a solution for you. You have a more difficult situtation than I had because you have children also. My only advice is to make sure that the primary relationship is with you and your partner and that you try your best to create a safe family environment where are family members are treated fairly.

And GOOD LUCK with that! Smile I just wanted to welcome you and I'm sure that other members will have better advice than mine!

Nyx's picture

Submitted by Nyx on Thu, 05/13/2010 - 4:09pm

Thanks for welcoming me here Glynne Smile

For now I just make sure my kids don't get the fallback of my DH's situation with SD and BM. Although it sometimes I wanna pull my hair out.

Nyx's picture

Submitted by Nyx on Thu, 05/13/2010 - 4:40pm

Hello Vickmeister :)I hope that one day SD will figure out what her mom is doing. Her mom is intensely jealous so she's also filling SD's head with construed truths about us. Like "daddy spends his money on fun things instead of helping me raise you" bullcrud.

I don't believe my DH fits the guilt parent type. He's a strict parent so he has no problem repremending SD. He never feels bad that we decide to do something else without him and SD. Usually when he doesn't go along with us (without SD) he's genuinely bummed about what his XW did so he excludes himself. Part of me thinks that he doesn't give fatherhood enough credit. He still ties parenting to the mother which makes it hard for him to stand up to her.

I seriously hope SD sees the light one day. It took me ages to figure out what my mother was doing. I just hope it doesn't take her that long.