Question about initializing therapy
I have a question. BM needs therapy. How can we make this happen? BM continues to believe that BF is only doing the things he is doing to be vindictive. She calls us sick and twisted for trying to get custody and blames us for all of her problems. You all know how crazy this woman is. How do you go about getting family-based therapy? Is it something that is done through the court, or a mutual decision by both bio-parents? Will the cost be split between us evenly?
My main concern is that BM doesn't see all that she is doing wrong and continues to live in filth and emotionally damage her son while blaming everything on us. Every action she makes puts her closer to losing custody of him and yet she claims that we are trying to steal him from her to ruin her life. She just doesn't understand that we're not TRYING to take him, she's practically giving him away herself. Attempting to gain custody wasn't even our idea, it was our lawyer's, so you know it's sad when a third-party thinks it's bad enough that the child needs to be taken away.
How can we get the idea of therapy addressed? Will she go for it? How long will it take for her to start realizing that her actions are the cause of all this? Or will she ever? Will a counselor give up on her? Can they do that? Is there any way that we can court order therapy for her?
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Family Therapy
In our little scenario, we (my DH and I) petitioned the Parenting Coordinator for it, because BM continued to refuse to consent for it, even after the Advocate recommended it for the kids and the judge concurred. As long as BM still has joint decision-making, it's not likely that a therapist will see the kids without her consent. If your lawyer hasn't recommended that you ask for a Parenting Coordinator, he should. It was the best thing that happened to us. It took decisions like these out of the court (and therefore no longer cost us a mint to get a decision made). You will most likely not get someone to order therapy for her, but getting yourselves and the kids into therapy will help tremendously.
I you find out,,,,
Let me know. Geez, Nymh, with all she has put you through, right now just concentrate on you, BF and SD. SD is the one that could use some counseling. I just about cried when I read that SD got on the phone with the attorney. You are a very caring person, try not to spread your-self so thin.
In my letter to DK last week I told her, her therapist needs to be fired! (hint, hint, lady, you're not getting any better)
Best wishs always, Jo
"I'll be alright in a year or two after I calm down". Detective Donahue - Soap
Nymh, I would love to see you in family-based therapy!
The program we're in is *made* for situations like yours and mine. I wish I had more answers for you about how to go about starting this type of therapy, but in our case, the therapy was ordered by the psych clinic that SD attended after attempting suicide, so I don't recommend that route! I think Stephanie's advice is perfect: petition the parenting coordinator for it. As for cost, would you believe that our health insurance covers it 100%? What a relief that was to us. From what I understand though, the petitioning parent would be required to pay in a case like yours where you'd go through the courts or a parenting coordinator. Ask your insurance company if they'll cover any of it.
As for whether or not she'll go for it, only time will tell. Though I will say that if it's ordered and she doesn't comply, then she'll lose SS faster than she can say "it's all BF's fault!" Will she ever own up to her responsibility for being THE CAUSE for this mess? Unlikely. She's delusional! BM in my case hasn't budged on her stance that BF is a horrible father and she's mother of the year and she's been meeting with these therapists 3 times per week for nearly 3 months now, all the while them trying to get her to see the error of her ways. Will a counselor give up on her? Possibly. My SD's psychiatrist has sadly told us that she will not continue treating SD after this family-based program is completed because she can't deal with BM anymore. BF and I totally understand - it is impossible to get anywhere with that woman. My mom, however, is horrified that she would desert SD like that. I'm hoping that we'll just find her a good psychiatrist in our town if she moves in with us, so it'll be a moot point anyway. (We live 30-45 minutes away from BM and will have to get new health care providers for SD anyway.)
Good luck and keep us posted! If you have any specific questions, please ask and hopefully I can help.
It's expensive...
We checked into it, and what we were told was that we could potentially have BM ordered for it... and it can be ordered through court. Mediators can recommend it too if manic behaviors are displayed in meetings. You can handle it outside of court, but the drawn back is that it's very very expensive and we were told that DH would be liable for the cost of it.
We want SD's BM to seek therapy because of her erratic behavior, and we feel that she will still withdrawn SD and continue to be elusive with us even after going through court, but we're prepared to pull all our cards out.
In your case, Nymh, I think you would have enough just cause for it. If you have a good attorney, they will know a suitable path for you to take and you just have to have a little patience in it.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...