Venting
Hi all! New to this place so still learning the lingo, feel free to help me out 
I've been dating this guy for 3 years. He's amazing. He has a 10 yo son. Initially the kid was super excited to be around me. It has since faded. We don't fight or butt heads at all but my boyfriend is saying that if the kid and i don't have a close relationship he doesn't want to get married. I include the kid in my family's holidays, i buy him clothes, food, attend sports events, make conversation... it just isn't developing into a super close relationship. I feel like I'm trying my hardest but to be honest I'll admit I don't LOVE him. But I'm willing to be patient and civil. My boyfriend is convinced that we should be like besties by now and the fact that we're not is my fault because I'm the adult. I don't think he realizes how hard it is and how long melding takes. I guess i don't really have a question but just needed to vent because we're at a breaking point. I love my boyfriend and his son is a good kid and I'm honestly doing my best. But it's not enough apparently.
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Not trying to be harsh, but
Not trying to be harsh, but your boyfriend doesn't sound amazing to me. His expections are wrong and honestly stupid.
You can't force a close relationship with a pre-teen (or anyone else). Does he want a partner, or a new bestie for his kid? He is going to make both you and his son resent him.
Cut bait. Time to move on to a relationship that actually holds promise of moving forward and not stagnating.
Frankly, I wouldn't want to
Frankly, I wouldn't want to marry your boyfriend.
Just because you love a man does not mean that you have to love his children. For him to have that expectation is unrealistic and unreasonable. Your relationship with him should not be tied to a relationship with his kids. If you and the child are kind, polite and respectful to each other, that should be enough.
I'd be inclined to end it now rather than waiting until you develop the relationship HE wants you to have with his son. That may never happen (heck, the kid may never ALLOW it to happen), so why invest more time in a relationship where the bar for marriage is set at a ridiculous place that you can't/don't want to reach?
So your BF is going to put
So your BF is going to put his and your future in the hands of a 10-year-old?! Who is the adult here? It sounds like he is dangling the carrot in front of you to manipulate you into being their servant and not having any opinions or needs of your own. Don't take the bait!
I can understand him not wanting to marry someone who mistreats his child. But to expect you to be "close" or he won't marry you? What does that even mean? I bet he isn't telling you. If he did, he wouldn't be able to manipulate you with the threat of his disapproval hanging ominously over your head, causing you to constantly try to "be better."
What you say you are doing for the child is more than enough. For the child anyway. It sounds like nothing you do will ever be enough for your BF. Please don't keep trying to please him. He either loves you and wants to marry you or he doesn't. Or maybe he's just a selfish manipulator.
Sounds like he wants a
Sounds like he wants a replacement mommy for his pweshus child. Has he had crappy relationships where the GF were cruel or mean to his son?
if you were truly Lady Tremaine-like SM material it would be understandable if he didn't want to marry you, but from your side it sounds like you are very good to his kid.
I'd hit the bricks. He sounds like he just wants you to bend completely over backwards for him and his kid, more so than you already are; that will leave you with sooo much resentment.
Not so amazing
What he's saying is all women are alike and replaceable. He'll just keep rooting through the toybox until he finds a new toy to his kid's liking.
Which there won't be because kiddo has been put on notice probably by BM that he is to despise any of dad's attempts to move on.
Tell BF "good luck with that project" and RUN!!
P.s. PLEASE do NOT get pregnant!!! Also will get 1000 times worse if you marry him. #dodgingabullet
The two of you are looking
The two of you are looking for different things in a relationship. Free yourself up to find someone who wants the same things you do.
Have you asked what
Have you asked what constitutes a "close relationship"? It seems very subjective to say the least. What your SO may consider a close relationship and what you consider a close relationship could be poles apart? In my book this is only going to get worse as the child progresses through teenage years as they naturally withdraw and want to be independent and appear adult. This child is not going to gravitate towards you or his father, he is an extension of neither and a person in his own right.
This smacks of coercion and control, sorry, but I envisage the goal posts will be constantly moving and your relationship appears to be built on shifting sands. You are on a hiding to nothing, your guts are already telling you that. Listen to your visceral feelings and pay heed.
I feel so angry for you, I
I feel so angry for you, I hate how he tries to threaten you with not marrying you for not cateri g to his kid. Its hard to have love for a kid that isn't yours kind of like a kid from a playground and being forced to say you love them. You are marrying him not his kid. I think you do enough buying him clothes etc. He got unrealistic expectations