My sister and I always check with our stepfamily to see if thier families are available for a family function before we set the date. We feel that it is important for all of our immediate family members to be a part of a family function. This is hard to do because two familys are divorced and the visitation on weekends gets tricky, but we always manage to get it done so all the kids can be there. They however do not offer this same consideration to us.

Well today is the last straw!!! My stepbrother is throwing a 70th birthday party for my stepfather. It is being held on a Friday evening. My Mom and Stepfather have a wedding on that Saturday night and my mother wanted the party on that Sunday instead because all of the grandchildren would be available to attend. My daughter is away at college and due to her class schedule and the 4 1/2 hour drive home she can not make it on a Friday evening. The response was NO. They want it at this hall and the date is set for Friday. My mother suggested they change it to another weekend and she was told NO. Thier kids have sporting events on the weekends and this is the way it is.

My daughter is part of this family and should be a part of this celebration. He is the only grandfather figure she has ever known. They have made it clear to my sister and I that thier kids where brought up to know that my Mother is not thier biolgical grandmother and therefore will not be called grandmom (they call her by her first name!!). Our kids know he is not thier biological grandfather but out of respect they refer to him as thier grandfather.(My mother and thier father are not married but have been together for over 15 years and have lived together for 5 years now in his home. They are both widowers and lost thier spouses long before any grandchildren came along)

My husband and I will not attend the party and now this puts my mother in a terrible position of having to explain to family and friends why I am not there. I do not want to do this to her but I can not attend this event when I know they could care less that my daughter could not attend.

I need a way for the guests to know that I am not the bad guy and that I am not disrespecting my stepfather by not attending. I do not want guests to lookdown on my mother because her daughter did not show up for such an important event.

I want to make some kind of "statement" that lets people know how wrong this is and what an inpact this has made on my daughter and my family.

What can I do???????