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What are we supposed to do

Ninji's picture

Received these emails from SS's teacher in the last two days----They received colors based on how good of a day they have. Green, yellow, orange and red are good and blue, purple and pink are bad.

1. I was getting ready to send you an email. We had a lot of silly behaviors in line and making noises when repeatedly asked to stop. During our Science Fair tour SS continued those behaviors. His day improved after that and I considered changing him back to green but then I look over at him and see that he is sitting in his chair with the back of his shorts pulled down to mid-thigh (the front was a bit higher). Fortunately, I was the only one who saw it and his shirt was covering past his underwear. I explained that this was why he was not getting his color changed back to green and his response was "At least I had my shirt on." In his upset about his blue, he asked me "What do you expect me to do, take them all the way off?" I told him that I expected him to keep them on properly

2. Sorry I forgot to add - If SO talks to SS again, can he remind him to look for his Reading book? (The teacher and us have been trying to get this book back from the black hole of BM's house for 3 weeks)

3. A letter was sent home by mail from the office and nothing has been returned. Can please ask SO to call and speak with the principal in regard to this letter. Also, is there a good time for SO to meet with us to discuss SS and the behavior plan we are working on with him?

4. SS had a purple for today. He refused to copy the work Mrs. XYZ asked him to copy during RtI, then refused to start his math work until I told him he would do it at recess. He did end up having to copy the work from RtI during recess. This afternoon, Mrs. XZY asked him what he did to her sink while he was with her for Science because he had been at the sink for a long time and now it wasn’t draining. SS yelled at her that he didn’t do anything to it. It wasn’t him but I changed his color to purple for being disrespectful.

5. (I asked if she received my email about a time for a PTC) Yes I did. I just needed to check with the principal since we will be discussing SS's behavior plan and he will be in the meeting. He said 2:30 would be better. He would also like SS to be there.

All this in two days.....SS has not had ONE entire week in school since he started Kindergarten where he behaved. Every single week it's something.

Here's the funny part, two weeks ago he received an award for Character at the awards ceremony. SO said SS must not be doing that bad if he got the award. Each teacher gives out 5-6 awards each quarter. They only have 16-18 kids in the class. I guess SS is bound to get an award whether he deserves it or not.

She also called and left SO a VM last week because SS was having a meltdown at dismissal time and threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm surprised he wasn't at least kicked of the bus for that incident.

SO and I know exactly what's going to happen at the PTC. They tell us about SS's behavior and we say, We don't have him during the week, but we are doing what we can on the weekend. (We have them every Fri - Sun)...The school knows this, we have had this same PTC every year. BM refuses to attend, always some excuse and when she does say she will show up, she doesn't.

SO and I have no idea what to do with this kid. It's so frustrating to not be able to correct the situation. All the adults in the situation are at their wits end, except of course BM. She is too worried about boy toy and her next drink.

Comments

Ninji's picture

I know that us having full custody would be a great thing for SS, but I know that SO is never going to take BM back to court. He can't afford a lawyer and he doesn't think he will win "because it's not bad enough"

I have mixed feelings about SS living with us full time.

Ninji's picture

We have tried everything in your post except the Dr. thing. He does normal bratty 9yr old things at our house but he is NEVER like he behaves at school or BM's house. Personally, I don't think he has any underlying medical problems. His problem is that Mon-Thur he can get away with what he wants and like any kid uses that to his full advantage.

WE have an award system at our house. SS can pick a ticket out of a bowl with different "Prizes" like pick dinner, family board game, win $2.00, show your silly dance moves. We have also take away privileges when he has three or more bad days at school per week.

We are FINALLY getting a weekend this coming weekend without the kids. IMO, that is why is bad behavior has really ramped up this week. He even told his principal he is being extra bad because he doesn't have to go to his dad's house this weekend.

BM does not punish SS because "Then he will be up my ass" meaning if she takes away video games or TV, she will have to actually deal with him.

When SO contacted her yesterday about the PTC and SS's behavior, she just cursed him out and said "This is why I divorced you" I guess she divorced him because he wanted her to be a mother to their children. :?

I'm out of answers. SO doesn't believe he can win in court and we can't afford a lawyer at this time.

Maxwell09's picture

Your DH really needs to keep up with these emails and what's going on in these PTC, like get them to write down their issues so he can show his lawyer and BM. I know I wouldn't want to deal with this kid 5 more days of the week, but his mother is failing him so his dad needs to step up and try to get more custodial reigns on the schooling and bad behavior. He might not have to bring BM to court, but a good threat from his attorney to take her if she keeps neglecting her parental duty to handle SS's schooling might make her go to the PTC or let your DH have more school days with him. I also liked the idea of DH going to school with him for a couple days but I have a feeling the next day that dad doesn't show up SS will go back to his regular bad behavior. Just remember all of these problems are your DH's, you can be there to support him and volunteer as much love/support for SS as YOU want. The failure of this kid (which will happen if there isn't a change in his schooling and behavior) is not a reflection of you.