Feeling a bit down and isolated
Life has changed a lot in the past couple of months. I had my baby. I now have daily thoughts of leaving DH. I thought that maybe after the baby came, my hormones would subside and I'd start liking SS and SD more, but I only dislike them more. They are not helpful around the house and have become even more needy for DH's attention and time. DH still caters to them. Lots of times I just want my family to be DH, baby and me - I don't want the stepkids, but we have them full-time. I know I have to accept SS and SD and I'm having a hard time with that now, so I have lots of thoughts of leaving DH. I think DS would be fine. He'd be too young to ever know what life was like with his parents together. Plus, he doesn't have the same feelings towards the stepkids that I do. They are his brother and sister. He doesn't carry the resentment that I do.
My mom has come to help me with the baby. I've kept most of the household drama from my parents since the relationship started. They were not happy with this relationship to begin with. But, now that my mom is at my house, she sees that the stepkid's mom is not really in their lives. She sees that I'm raising them full-time, that they are not helpful, and that they take a lot of DH's time. She and my dad are nice to the stepkids, but do not consider SS and SD their grandchildren. She overheard a conversation I had with my bank and we had a conversation about who my beneficiaries were. Long story short - she was worried that any inheritance she gives me would go to the stepkids. She wasn't off base. I think that would happen too, I think if something happened to me that DH would spend the money that I provide to him to pay for SS and SD along with DS, even though my wishes would be to provide for DS. So I told my mom to just take me out of her will and give what she wanted to DS instead if she was worried about it. She said that she was planning to do that. Deep down, I know that's the best option, but I feel sad about it. I feel like I've sacrificed a lot in this relationship.
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{{Hugs}} You sound so sad.
{{Hugs}} You sound so sad. How old is your baby? Congrats by the way ...
I know that dichotomy between what we wished was real and how reality SHOULD be versus how real life is ... that difference stinks. Breathe. DH, you and DS. You can probably snatch moments of that separate time, but your reality includes a couple more kids. Sorry.
You're not alone.
Life is so very often not
Life is so very often not what we expected...
When you got together, did he already have the kids full time or is it something recent?
How old are your skids? Are
How old are your skids?
Are you sure you do not have post partum depression? I always advise people to not make major relationship decisions the first year after a birth ( so long it isn't an abuse situation )
I know exactly what you mean.
I know exactly what you mean. I didn't dislike the skids before me and dh got married but as time went on I realized he was not parenting. At first I felt like I couldn't talk to him about his parenting, like I had no right. After DS was born I knew I had to. I thought about leaving him all the time. I was so in love with him but the skids were too much and he wasn't helping the situation. I ended up talking to him about his parenting and told him that if he wanted us to stay together and raise our son together than he would have to get on the same page with parenting. If you treat skids one way and our son another he will become resentful. I also told him the things I couldn't live with that his kids did and that if something didn't change real soon I'd have no choice but to leave. This woke dh up out of his disneydad mode and now we make every decision concerning kids together. I know that not every dh is the same but if you are already thinking about leaving what do you have to lose? Also I noticed more resentment towards the skids right after giving birth, like jealous that my son wasn't the one and only. I was resentful that my pregnancy wasn't magical and the kicks and other first were not his first. I went on like this until 6 months postpartum (I'm 9 months in a few days) it turns out that my progesterone levels were so low and that I needed hormone replacement. The drop in progesterone (which is abundant while pregnant) leads to the postpartum and I honestly think your story sounds like mine. Your levels will probably even out on your own and I think this feeling towards skids after birth is probably common, but we don't like to talk about it because other's not in our situation don't understand. Stick with it. Talk to dh. Things will get better and you're doing a wonderful job.
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the advice. I thought about whether I had PPD, but I don't think that I do. I definitely suffered from some major emotions when the baby was first born, but those strong emotions have subsided in the past two months. We didn't always have the skids full-time. But, DH reminds me that taking on the skids full-time was my idea. To some extent, he was right, but I only told him to fight for the skids full-time because their mother was so messed up and emotionally and physically distant. At the time, I wanted what was best for them, but I did that at the expense of my own well-being. Now, with the baby, I feel differently, especially since the skids are so needy, dependent, and unhelpful. SS's behavior has always been crappy, but I now really dislike him for every crappy thing that he has done since I've known him. I just can't get over it and I don't want them around. DH has called me on being distant from his kids and I have explained why. He agrees with me that their neediness is annoying, but he is the problem. He caters to them and when I try and tell him what he's doing, he gets defensive. I just keep having the same arguments with him.